Pokemon World Tour
by AuraWielder
Summary: What do you get when you take a giant llama-goat, stuff her in a plane with 9 other legendaries, and go on a trip around the world? Hell.
1. Prologue! Wretches and World Tours!

Pokémon World Tour

Summary: What do you get when you take a giant llama-goat, stuff her in a plane with 9 other legendaries, and go on a trip around the world? Hell.

Rating: Teen

Chapter 1: Prologue! Wretches and World Tours!

It was a beautiful day on the Pokémon Planet. The Pidgeys were chirping, the Beedrills were buzzing, and the Butterfrees & Beautiflies were off pollinating flowers to have their splendor show in the glistening morning sun. Fire and water were at peace. Sky and ground were calm. And Time and Space were one together. Everything was going right in the universe.

And it was driving everyone insane from boredom.

Off in the Hall of Origin, which no human could ever reach, there was absolutely nothing to do. Palkia and Groudon were off discussing in the media room, watching a Longhorns game and bragged about how their football skills were top-notch and that they could 'easily' beat the Longhorns in a match (yeah, sure). Latias was moping in the corner of the main throne room since it was the 10-year-anniversary of Latios' death after he gave his life to save Alto Mare and his sister. Rayquaza, while not the best Legendary at sympathizing, tried to console her by hugging one of his arms around her neck.

Kyogre and Shaymin were playing go-fish; Kyogre struggling to keep the cards in her giant fins.

"Have any 6's?" Shaymin asked in a bored voice. She was so bored to such a level that she wanted to shoot someone just to get some excitement going.

"Go fish." replied Kyogre, equally bored.

The last strand holding Shaymin from falling off the edge of insanity due to boredom finally snapped.

"Go fish? GO FISH? YOU'RE A DAMNED SEA WHALE, GO FISH YOURSELF, YOU MOTHER-"

And now we cut to Darkrai, who was off teasing Victini about his height by dangling an ice-cream bar just out of his reach. The poor guy was only a little over a foot tall, so he couldn't quite grab onto it. Eventually, Victini got fed up and threw a Flamethrower in the nightmare Pokémon's face. Darkrai was hovering and waving around like mad, trying to desperately find water. As the flames began to melt the ice cream within the two soft walls of the sandwich; he unintentionally threw the Blue Bell bar into Shaymin, who had just finished her profane rant.

She was NOT a happy camper. More like the kind of camper who goes out expecting sunny days to have a fun time, and ends up getting rain, snow, and hail for 2 weeks straight.

"WHO THREW THAT?" she shouted at a volume level that scared the crap out of everyone; even Giratina, who isn't scared very often due to the little, tiny, itty-bitty fact that he lived in THE POKEMON VERSION OF HELL. Though, the demons of the Distortion World were nothing compared to Shaymin's fury.

The room became so silent that you could hear a pin drop. Everyone slowly backed away from the, and I quote 'Gratitude Pokémon', so they didn't end up hung on her wall. All Legendaries in the Hall of Origin knew one thing: Never get Shaymin mad. Everyone thought the dinosaurs went extinct because of a meteor, but in reality, a dinosaur had accidently clipped off part of her very well-kept 'bush hair', and Shaymin had released her fury on the poor things.

After that, Arceus court-ordered her to see a psychologist, but no one had seen the poor sap since…

"WELL? WHICH ONE OF YOU SONS OF ARCANINE THREW IT?"

No one spoke up, but everyone noticed Darkrai quietly tip-toeing away, trying not to make a sound and get out of the Hall of Origin alive.

As Shaymin noticed Darkrai trying to sneak away, her left eye began to twitch uncontrollably and an evil sadistic grin was on her face. You know; the kind someone gets when they've been completely corrupted by evil and are ready to murder you? Yeah, that grin.

Did I mention her back hedges burst into flames?

Everyone took this chance to either run for dear life, scream bloody murder, or wet themselves embarrassingly. Some did all three.

Darkrai was panicked. He had just dug his own grave. Shaymin had changed into Sky Forme, and was charging up one of her devastating Seed Flares. Shaymin charged towards Darkrai at the speed of a certain blue hedgehog…

Darkrai knew the end was nigh. He took a piece of paper and quickly began to scribble on it.

"This is my last will and testament. As I die today, my beneficiaries are: Giratina, Entei, and Rayquaza. Giratina shall receive my old torture devices, PS3, and flat-screen TV. Entei receives Newmoon Island for him and whomever he wishes to share it with."

He briefly glanced up and saw Shaymin was only a few seconds away. He immediately went back to his paper.

"Rayquaza will acquire my air horn to stop the fighting of Groudon and Kyogre as needed. Azelf, I never got a chance to tell you but I lo-"

"What's going on here?" came a loud, commanding voice.

Shaymin stopped straight in her tracks, mere inches away from Darkrai.

As this short distance Darkrai could directly into Shaymin's eyes and soul. It was a very terrifying place to be and Darkrai decided to come back to the real world after that horrific ordeal.

"Darkrai?" Arceus asked.

"Yes?" he whimpered, trying to recover from the horror that was Shaymin's soul.

"Is everything going OK?" the goddess asked, concerned for her creation.

"Other than the fact that Shaymin was ready to spread my blood and guts across the Hall of Origin, then hang my head up on her wall as a trophy, things are great." Darkrai explained sarcastically.

"Glad to see you're good." she smiled.

Arceus didn't quite have the concept of sarcasm down yet…

"So, what's everyone up to?" she inquired.

"I'll tell you what's going on." Dialga muttered monotonously as she sat down, staring at the wall. "Nothing. Absolutely nothing. The universe is at peace, there aren't any Pokémon wars, no natural disasters to fix, no nothing. There's nothing to do except to stare at the wall for the next millennium."

"What about the Wii? I got you guys one for that holiday… what did the humans call it again?"

"Christmas. And Wii's broken all thanks to Groudon's temper. He loses one Brawl match to me, and he goes and tosses it out the window." Dialga growled.

"Hey, don't blame me!" he tried to defend himself. "Blame it on Dialga! Girls aren't supposed to good at video games! They're not supposed to be good at anything! I mean really, girls can't do shit!"

Many of the girls heard this (Articuno, Mew, Suicune, Celebi, Ho-Oh, Cresselia, the lake trio, Dialga, the psychotic Shaymin, Reshiram, and ESPECIALLY Kyogre) and proceeded to beat the Continent Pokémon to an unrecognizable pulp. Arceus didn't attack him, but cheered the girls on from a distance.

"Filthy Pokemon beat him low! We the legendaries take control! Beat his bones, black and blue! Beat it mercilessly into you!" she chanted. (Bonus points if you get the reference.)

Lugia pulled a microphone out from under his wing and promptly began to rap... and very well. "To save your face! How low can you go? Groudon, you talk a lot of shit and yet you don't..."

Everyone, for just 5 seconds, stopped and turned towards Lugia. He looked around at everyone and shrugged his shoulders.

"...What?"

"You... can rap?" gawked Dialga.

"Yes, quite well, actually. I do have my own song, you know."

"But... that was... never mind." Dialga muttered. She then asked the female legendaries. "Girls, you ready to continue the beatdown on Groudon?"

"No! Please! Stop! Jesus, I'll do anything!"

"Hmm..." Dialga began to ponder. "...Nah."

And so it continued!

Palkia was somewhat disturbed to see his mother chanting violently to have the girls all team up and beat up his friend Groudon. They hit everywhere: arms, legs, head, body… lower body… the places a guy NEVER wanted to be hit... Then again, Palkia knew his mother didn't take sexism very well.

What was weirder to him was that Lugia was a kick-ass rapper...

Latias (the only female legendary NOT beating up Groudon) looked on in fear while Rayquaza took out his digital camera and began to record the event.

"Shouldn't we do something?" Latias asked Rayquaza.

"Nah. I'm going to put this up on my Facebook profile." he smirked.

10 minutes later, Arceus had her fun and decided Groudon had enough torment.

The females were still fuming, but let Arceus called them back and they stopped with the beatdown.

Groudon groaned as he tried to sit up, but many broken bones and fractures prevented that.

"Ahh! Oh! Owwwwwwwww… my aching everything…"

"You take it back?" posed Suicune.

"Yes…" Groudon whimpered.

"Boy, they certainly took a beating on you, huh?"

Groudon looked up. Hovering over him was Latias, who was too kind and caring to beat up Groudon over his sexist comment.

Latias maneuvered around Groudon carefully, examining him and making note of all the injuries on him. She was good with medical knowledge and healing. One in particular came to her mind…

"I hate to break the news, but you… have irreparable damage to your... reproductive organs."

He glanced at her confused. "What do you mean by that?"

"Well...um..."

Rayquaza decided to just break to him. "It means you can't have sex anymore, you dolt!"

"You could've been nicer... but yeah, that's what it means."

Groudon looked like he was ready to cry, something he didn't do… ever.

"No… sex? But… but… *sniff*…"

Palkia walked up to Groudon and put his arm over his shoulder. "I'm sorry, dude. Don't worry too much. Sex isn't the most important thing in - wait, I take that back."

Groudon let loose the waterworks. He was devastated. No longer could he just pull a one-night stand. No longer could he experience love. No longer…

Latias began to giggle. Groudon stopped his Krookodile tears for a moment and looked up at Latias.

"What… what's so funny?"

She smiled before simply stating… "Gotcha."

Everyone stared at Latias. No one expected her to do that. She never joked around with medical injuries and reports, so no one could see that coming. Not even Rayquaza, Latias' boyfriend, who floated to the side of Groudon, open-jawed.

"So… he'll be OK?" Giratina slowly uttered.

"Yeah. Just one Recover ought to fix him up."

She waved her hand in Groudon's direction and a green circle surrounded him. A white light shone on the circle and in a couple of seconds, Groudon was as good as new.

"But why…" he whispered.

Arceus smirked. "Think of this as a learning lesson, Groudon. With this knowledge, you may beco-"

"We still have a problem." Darkrai interrupted her. "We're still as bored as hell."

"Well then, what do you want ME to do about it?"

"CURE IT!" everyone aside from Arceus in the Hall of Origin shouted.

"Fine… hmm… well… I got it!" she snapped her fingers… oh wait; she doesn't have fingers, never mind. "How about a vacation?"

Everyone perked their ears up at this.

"Vacation?" smiled Celebi.

"But to where?" wondered Entei.

Suggestions came from everyone in the Hall of Origin.

"France!" shouted Dialga.

"Japan!" yelled Victini.

"England!" hollered Cresselia.

"Mexico!" offered Rayquaza.

"Alaska!" dreamed Articuno.

"Cana-"

"HOLD IT!" Arceus shouted over the crowd.

They all stopped and looked at her.

"Those are all great places, but to tour around the world, only some of you guys can go."

"But… then…" pondered Lugia. "How do we decide who gets to go and who stays?"

"You tell me, Mr. Rapper."

"Heh heh..."

* * *

><p>This is where you come in. On my profile I have a poll with the Legendary Pokemon on it (before you ask, I left out Keldeo, Meloetta, and Genesect out intentionally) and you can vote as to which Pokemon go with Arceus. Top 9 votes go with her on a trip around the world. The poll will end on September 1st, so go ahead and vote before it's too late!<p>

EDIT: Voting is now OVER!

* * *

><p><em>Pokémon © Nintendo Game Freak_


	2. Author's Note!

Pokémon World Tour

Chapter 2: Author's Note

* * *

><p>Hey so it's AuraWielder here. This isn't so much as an actual chapter, and more of an update. Just letting you know that the poll for who will accompany Arceus through the entirety of Pokémon World Tour is over. You guys voted, and here are the top nine results:<p>

_Lugia – highest number of votes: 10_

Out of everyone, Lugia was the number one most voted for. Maybe because I threw in that rapping joke. I'm not going to drop that, but I don't actually listen to rap that much [aside from Linkin Park], so I might need a bit of help when it comes to using that joke again. If you guys have any suggestions, PM me!

_Latias – second highest number of votes: 9_

Latias was second in her number of total votes. I was hoping she'd make it in, but I didn't expect her to score this high. She'll have somewhat two sides to her. Her cute, nice, I love everyone side, which is most of that time. But her badass side shows when she gets back at someone who has done something to tick her off.

_Mew – third highest number of votes, tied with Rayquaza and Shaymin: 8_

Ah, Mew. Sweet, adorable, hyperactive, don't-let-any-sugar-near-her-or-you'll-die Mew. I think I know why she scored so high. It's because Mew + Sugar = Hilarity. And hell for anyone around her.

_Rayquaza – third highest number of votes, tied with Mew and Shaymin: 8_

I was hoping Ray would make it in. He's a nice guy. Really. But he can never pass up a good opportunity to obtain blackmail. Everyone knows about it, even Latias, but she doesn't really care. Rayquaza's sweet and nice and that's all that matters.

_Shaymin – third highest number of votes, tied with Mew and Rayquaza: 8_

Interesting to the psychotic hedgehog make it in. Of course, you guys wouldn't pass up a good chance to help her make the other 8 people's lives a living nightmare.

_Jirachi – fourth highest number of votes: 7_

Huh, so little Jirachi made it in? To be honest, I wasn't expecting him to even be close to the top 9 at all. Ah well, I'm sure I can have some fun with his wish-granting magic…

_Kyogre - fifth highest number of votes, tied with Giratina and Darkrai: 6_

Hmm. I was actually expecting Groudon the sexist to score higher than Kyogre. I don't even like Kyogre that much. Maybe I can find something for her. But you guys voted for her, so… here she is.

_Giratina – fifth highest number of votes, tied with Kyogre and Darkrai: 6_

YES! GIRATINA GOT IN! …Heh. Sorry. I just really, really like Giratina. (More than Kyogre…) He wasn't even mentioned in the prologue, probably decreasing his chances, but I'm really glad he got in. Plus, I'm a GodModeShipper!

_Darkrai – fifth highest number of votes, tied with Kyogre and Giratina: 6_

Poor, poor Darkrai. Shaymin and Darkrai both got in… His life will be transformed into hell for the whole story. Actually, I feel a little… NAH.

And there you have it! You might have to wait a while for the next update though, because I'm back in high school now and I'm working on two other stories as well. (Check them out on my profile if you're interested), but this is going to be a fun project for me and I'm looking forward to it.

And thanks for voting!

P.S - I might as well give copyright for the song in the previous chapter...

_Wretches and Kings (c) Linkin Park_

There! Ha! Now they can't sue me!


	3. Revelation of the Chosen Ones!

Pokémon World Tour

Chapter 3: Revelation of the Chosen Ones

* * *

><p>"And now, the time has come to read the votes as determined by the great author's poll." Arceus announced.<p>

"The author?" Raikou rolled his eyes. "You mean the douche who keeps torturing-"

"Silence!" the goddess ordered. "Lest ye shall provoke the wrath of the great and mighty powerful author!"

"Ha! I'd like to see him try!"

The second after he said that, a loose tile from the ceiling of the Hall of Origin fell off and down onto Raikou's noggin, knocking the foolishly foolish fool…, I mean, the poor dear unconscious.

Entei looked at the above words. "Is the author an Ace Attorney fan?"

**"YES. YES I AM." **came a booming voice.

"Oh, OK."

"And that's why you don't break the fourth wall." Dialga pointed out.

"Anyway…" sighed Palkia. "The votes, Mom?"

"Yes, of course. The Pokémon that are in the top nine places will come with on an all-expenses paid trip around the world."

Cheers came from everyone in the hall except for Mewtwo, who honestly didn't give a crap if he was in or not.

"All right… looks like Lugia received the highest number of votes on the author's poll…"

"YES! WHOO!" he screamed as he pumped his fists in the air. "IN YOUR FACE, SUCKERS!"

"He only got in because he can rap, didn't he?" grumbled Deoxys as she crossed her arms. She deserved to be in just as much as Lugia did. I mean come on; she's an alien… from space! Space, people! No, not inner space, not middle space, not in between your ears space, but freakin' outer space people! Really…

"What can I say? I'm the guardian of the seas too, you know."

"WE KNOW." groaned the entire Hall of Origin, including Arceus.

"Anyway… next highest number of votes goes to… ah, I'm glad you got in sweet Latias."

"R-Really?" she smiled. "Y-You mean it? Gosh, I wasn't expecting that at all…"

"Perhaps it's the way you pulled the wool over Groudon's sexist eyes." grinned Rayquaza. "You even had me fooled. Latias, I am so proud of you."

"Oh… Ray…" Latias blushed.

"How adorable." smiled Arceus. She then continued to proceed to read the list… "Also in is…" the holy llama's face paled when she read the next 'Mon on the list. "Oh, sweet Jesus."

"Come on…" Giratina coaxed her. "How bad can it be?"

Arceus then showed who was next on the elected list.

"Oh, sweet Jesus." Giratina repeated.

"Well?" Mew asked the gods of Life and Death. "Who's next? Tell me! Tell me! Tell me! Tell me! Tell me! Tell me! Te-"

"IT'S YOU! NOW SHUT UP BEFORE I SNAP YOU IN TWO!" Arceus erupted at the pink fetus.

"It's me…? Really?" Mew inhaled deeply. "YYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAA-"

"The author hates us, doesn't he?" sighed Arceus.

**"OH, I DON'T HATE YOU."**

"You don't?" A small ray of hope pierced Arceus's heart.

**"NO, NOT AT ALL. IT'S JUST SO MUCH FUN TO MAKE YOUR LIVES HELL."**

That ray of hope in the llama's heart was now flushed down the toilet.

"…You are an evil person."

**"WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CLUE?"**

Arceus sighed. "And next we have Rayquaza. Whoop-de-freakin'-Scooby-doo."

"Yay!" the red Eon Dragon cheered. "My Ray-Ray is in!"

This promptly earned Rayquaza some weird looks from the rest of the legends. Groudon, the Continent Pokémon, began laughing.

"Ha! Ray-Ray?" taunted Groudon. "Sweet little Ray-Ray. How cute…"

"Groudon, shut up." replied the sky serpent. His voice began to lower and he began to whisper in Groudon's ear. "Lest you want that picture of you at Giratina's birthday party to get out…"

"No…" whimpered Groudon. "You can't possibly mean…"

"The one of you in the bathtub."

"…Ok then." the Continent Pokémon sighed. "I'm done…"

"That's more like it. Good boy." Rayquaza patted him on the head.

Arceus continued the list. "Next up on the list, tied with Mew and Rayquaza is…" Arceus's eyes grew wide. If this Pokémon came along on the world tour, then her life would be an absolute nightmare. It was already bad enough Mew got in…

"…Mr. Author?" Arceus asked.

**"YES?"**

"Do I really have to let Shaymin on?"

Shaymin's hedges flared up again after hearing this.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, 'HAVE TO'?" she screamed with intense volume, causing the nearby legendaries to cover their ears to avoid any permanent ear damage. "HE'S THE (censored)ING AUTHOR, SO YOU HAVE TO (censored)ING DO WHAT HE (censored)ING SAYS! YOU (censored)ING GOT IT, YOU (censored)ING LLAMA?"

Arceus only could portray a pleading look on her face.

"Mr. Author?"

**"YES, ARCEUS?"**

"Please don't make me take Shaymin."

**"COME ON, ARCEUS. IT'LL BE FUN! FOR THE READERS, NOT FOR YOU."**

Arceus groaned again. _"Stupid author…" _She then recalled what happened to Raikou when he tested the Mighty Author. _"Wait, I take that back."_

The holy llama gritted her teeth. "…Continuing from where I left off, next up is Jirachi."

The llama looked around the Hall of Origin. "Anybody see Jirachi?"

"He's probably sleeping in again." rationed Cresselia. "I'll go get him."

"All right, next up is Kyogre. How you got in, I have no idea."

"YES!" she shouted in a similar manner that Lugia had. She moved up to Groudon. "I GOT IN, AND YOU DIDN'T, SO I AM SUPERIOR!"

**"…NOT REALLY."**

Kyogre's eyes widened. "W-What do you mean? I got in, but Groudon didn't so you obviously like ME MORE!"

**"NAH. GROUDON MIGHT NOT HAVE GOTTEN IN, BUT HE'S COOLER THAN YOU. IF IT WERE UP TO ME, GROUDON WOULD BE IN INSTEAD OF YOU."**

Groudon smirked. "Looks like the author prefers the mighty Continent Pokémon over a stupid sea whale."

"B-B-But." she blubbered. "B-But he CAN'T be 'cooler' than me! He's 'hot' not 'cool'!"

Several of the legendaries began to chuckle at Kyogre's unintended compliment.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing." the rest of the legendaries smiled innocently.

"OK. We have two more left." said Arceus. "Two more Pokémon to torture me…" She looked at the next name on the list. _"Finally, someone I want to come is on this list."_

"Giratina." she smiled as she said the Renegade's name with genuine pleasure. "I'm exceedingly glad you could come. Thank goodness the voters had SOME mercy for me."

"It's no problem at all, your Highness." he said eloquently. "I'd love to accompany you on a tour around the world."

"And 8 others?"

"Arceus, I live in the Pokémon version of Hell. I've seen horrific sights. I think I can survive… except for… you know, Shaymin."

"I HEARD THAT!"

"…Anyway, we've come to the last Pokémon on the list. Only one more Pokémon will get to come with me and the others on the tour around Planet Earth. And the last Pokémon to join us is…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…Well?"

"I was just pausing for dramatic effect! It makes it more exciting!"

"ARCEUS!"

"All right, the last 'Mon is Darkrai! Sheesh!"

_"I guess that's cool." _thought Darkrai. _"I get to go on a world tour with… oh, no." _Darkrai suddenly remembered Shaymin was coming as well, and the hedgehog still had a bounty on his head. He turned over to look at her. She slowly rotated her head to face Darkrai and she was grinning sadistically.

"You and I are going to have so much fun together!" she said sweetly but with that evil grin on her face, Darkrai knew life would be a nightmare for him.

_"Now I know how everybody I put to sleep feels like…"_

"Great! That's it! It's over! Everybody who's leaving, get packed at meet me at my private jet! As for the rest of you, GET BACK TO WORK! NO COMPLAINTS!"

The Legendaries who got voted went to their room to pack, and some of the other Pokémon (mainly Groudon and most of the Unovan Legendaries) were griping about how they didn't get in.

Dialga began to talk to her. "But Arceus…"

"I SAID NO COMPLAINTS!"

"But…"

Arceus sighed. "Yes, daughter?"

"The reason we were doing this in the first place was to relive boredom. Because we had no work to do!"

"Oh! Umm… Then, ignore what I said earlier! Go along and have fun on your merry ways!"

"Mom…"

"Yeah?"

"That sounded really stupid."

"I know."

* * *

><p><em>Lugia's room<em>

Lugia was in his room, packing some of his belongings, mostly music equipments and clothes (he doesn't wear clothes, but humans certainly can't trek out and about naked… unless you're drunk at college.).

He grabbed a small mirror and looked at his handsome reflection.

"Now who's that handsome devil in the mirror? He's awesome." he told himself. "Oh, me? It couldn't be… wait, yeah it could! You are awesome, Lugia."

He laughed to himself and he tossed the mirror in the suitcase.

CRACK!

"Uhh… I didn't just hear a shattering crack… right?"

Slowly and reluctantly, he walked over to the suitcase and peered inside. Lugia set his hand in and cautiously pulled out shattered pieces of the mirror.

"Damn." he cursed.

Just then, Articuno was walking by, grumbling to herself. "Stupid freakin' good for nothing voters. How could I not get in?" She stopped herself and backed up to see in Lugia's room, finding the Guardian of Seas himself cursing.

"Dad? Is everything OK?"

"Yeah, Articuno." he muttered. "Just keep walking."

"You're a horrible liar, you know that."

"I know. Brings up the time Dialga asked me if she was overweight and I just told her that she was very heavy."

"Yeah, that earned you a Roar of Time through your ears." chuckled Articuno.

"My ears were bleeding for a week. I think they're still damaged from that." groaned Lugia.

"So, what's got you so worked up?" wondered the icy bird.

"I accidently broke my mirror. No big deal, though. I can buy a new one."

Articuno gasped. "You poor thing! Dad, I'm so sorry!" she went up to Lugia and hugged him.

"Umm, sorry for what? It's just a broken mirror." shrugged Lugia.

"Oh no. You broke a mirror. You know that's seven years of bad luck, right?"

"Articuno, please. That's just a superstition. Do you actually believe I'll have seven years of bad luck?"

"Remember Giratina's birthday party half a century ago?"

"Yeah, so? That was one hell of a party."

"Moltres broke the mirror at the back of Giratina's foyer. You know the huge one with all those creepy bloody designs?"

"He did? Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because you were too drunk to take notice and you were in the guest bedroom having sex with-"

Lugia jumped back in shock. "OK! That's enough! You shouldn't even know about that!"

Articuno chuckled at Lugia's surprise. "Anyway, Moltres broke the mirror and do you remember what happened after he returned to Mt. Ember?"

"…No. Not really."

"Dad, how wasted were you that night?"

"Very. Continue."

"Anyway, to make a long story short, Mt. Ember erupted that night and you know it's supposed to be a dormant volcano. It killed a lot of people in the surrounding area. After that, he had to move into the Hall of Origin."

"Oh yeah, now I remember. I read that in the paper the next morning. But that was just coincidence. There's no such thing as bad luck, Articuno."

Articuno sighed. "Try telling that to Moltres. Dad, you have my pity."

"You can take your pity back!"

* * *

><p><em>Latias' room<em>

Meanwhile in the red eon dragon's room, she was packing up her things. Clothes (and plenty of them, she's a girl you know) for her disguise as a human, the essentials like dental items, soap, and shampoo, and several other various things like a swimsuit and towel for the beach and a camera. And then, of course she had her make-up kit, fingernail kit, toenail kit (even though she didn't have feet…), facial kit, and skin care kit.

After everything was in the suitcase, Latias had to deal with the problem of getting it closed. She pushed the sides together hard to try and close it, but with no luck.

_"Maybe I can jump on it with my legs!" _she thought. She kept jumping up and down in the air to close the suitcase when she realized something.

She HAD no legs.

She groaned. "Now what? Hmm… I know! Maybe I can ask Groudon to borrow some of his superglue!"

She left her room and began to walk (hover) down the hallway. She kept going, hovering past plenty of doors until reaching a red one that had in big bold letters 'ALL WOMEN KEEP OUT!' on it.

"Yep. Groudon's room." She knocked politely to let Groudon know she was coming in.

"If you're a girl, read the (censored)ing sign and leave!" came a gruff voice (unmistakably Groudon's) on the other side of the door.

A stupid sign wasn't going to keep Latias from what she wanted and she went ahead in the room anyway.

Inside Groudon's room, aside from Groudon's bed in the corner, Latias saw a table in the center of the room, with a wooden art project going on top of it. Intricate and beautiful water designs were carefully and painstakingly carved onto the wood. You see, despite Groudon's rough and tough nature, his best and undeniable skill was in wood carving. Groudon is a master woodcarver but he preferred to keep his craft known to only a select few.

"Latias!" shouted Groudon, driving the Eon dragon's attention away from the wooden art and onto Groudon, who was washing his hands in the bathroom. He came storming out, mad as a hatter. "What the hell are you doing in here? Can't you read?"

"This is very beautiful, Groudon." she said, holding up Groudon's work and showing it to him. "Who's it for?"

"It's none of your- …y-you… you think it's… beautiful?"

"Of course! How come you never told us about this?"

"…C-Cause everybody would probably think it's stupid."

"It's not! It's great that you use wood as a beautiful way to express yourself!"

"Actually, it's for Palkia. His birthday is coming up soon, and he's a good friend of mine. But Latias, seriously, did you actually come here for something or just to snoop around?"

"Actually, I came to borrow some superglue."

"Sorry Latias, but I can't let you have that."

"Are you using it for something?"

"No. I just don't really let girls borrow my things."

Latias fumed angrily, something she almost never did. "Groudon…"

"What?"

"Give me the superglue." she ordered.

"Or else what?" the behemoth retaliated.

"Or else that photo of you at Giratina's birthday party will end up on the front page of the Hoenn Newspaper."

Groudon gasped. "I thought only Rayquaza knew about that!"

"Please Groudon, I'm Rayquaza's girlfriend. Of course he would share this stuff with me."

"Someday, I'm gonna kill that bastard." he grumbled, barely audible.

"So, the superglue?" the Eon dragon asked again.

Groudon sighed. "Bathroom, under the sink."

"Thank you!" She hovered over to the sink, opened the cabinet underneath and grabbed the superglue. After that, she promptly took her leave.

_"What the hell would she need with superglue anyway?"_

* * *

><p><em>Mew's room<em>

Mew was hovering around her room, looking for something.

"Where is it? Where is it?" she asked herself frantically. She ripped (you read that right, she ripped) the closet door open and found a white large sack filled with exactly what she was looking for.

"Here it is! This is gonna be great!"

She grabbed the bag and hovered over her suitcase, dumping the contents of the bag in.

"CANDY, CANDY, CANDY, CANDY, CANDY, CANDY, CANDY…"

* * *

><p><em>Rayquaza's room<em>

Rayquaza was stuffing several things in his suitcase, which he would need for blackmail later. He began tossing several photos in.

"Incriminating photo of Groudon playing with his rubber ducky in Giratina's bathtub…"

"The photo of Moltres breaking Giratina's mirror…"

"The photo of Lugia caught in the act with Reshiram in the guest bedroom of Giratina's manor…"

And of course, Rayquaza now had a photo of Darkrai cowering in fear of Shaymin as well as a picture of Groudon getting beat up by every female legendary in the Hall of Origin.

"This is gonna be great." he smirked.

* * *

><p><em>Shaymin's room<em>

Shaymin was in her room, putting in her essential items she would need for the trip.

"I'm gonna need several things…"

"Hairbrush!" she said, putting in a wire brush.

"Tooth extractor!" she smiled, placing in a pair of locking pliers.

"Nostril scrubber!" she grinned, tossing in a power drill.

"Face flattener!" she giggled, dropping in a sledgehammer.

"And painful high-speed hair dryer!" she laughed evilly, throwing in a flamethrower (not the move, a LITERAL flamethrower).

"All of the things to make Darkrai's time terrible, and my time fun! Mwahahahahahahahahaha!"

(Author thinking: OK, I feel really sorry for Darkrai now. I just hope he survives through all of this… and all the inevitable years of counseling.)

* * *

><p><em>Jirachi's room<em>

"Jirachi, dear." the lunar swan quietly whispered to the Wish Pokémon. The tiny creature tossed and turned in his bed.

"Not yet…" he muttered in his sleep. "Just a few more years…"

"JIRACHI!"

"Aaahhh!" Jirachi jumped up out of his bed and looked around only to find Cresselia.

"Cresselia? How many years have I been asleep?"

"57, dear."

"Then why on earth did you wake me up? I still have 943 more years to go!" he groaned, crawling back into his bed.

"You've been voted to go on a world tour, Jirachi."

"Wait." he realized. "A tour around the world? You mean the actual Earth?"

"Indeed you have. But if you don't want it…"

"Hold on! I'm packing!"

* * *

><p><em>Kyogre's room<em>

"Stupid…" the orca grumbled as she threw her human clothes in her suitcase.

"Freakin'…" her voice rose as she threw her camera and cell phone in there with great force almost breaking them.

"Biased…" she hollered, throwing it her precious sea fossil in, landing on top of her electronics.

"AUTHOR!" she screamed, slamming the suitcase down, forcing the fossil downward onto the electronics, crushing them. (She's gonna be in for a sweet surprise…)

"I mean, how can the author POSSIBLY like Groudon better than me? I mean, I can control the freaking seas! What can he do, move a few rocks? The author is so stupid and I just want to wring his little…"

**"I'M RIGHT HERE, YOU KNOW."**

The whale sighed. "Well, if you're listening, I would love to know WHY you hate me so much and praise that sexist bastard!"

**"IT'S SIMPLE. HE'S BASED AFTER THE FREAKIN' BEHEMOTH. YOU'VE READ UP ON THAT, HAVEN'T YOU?"**

"In fact, I have. It is kind of cool. But I'm based on the Leviathan, the unconquerable primal master of the seas spoken of in Hebrew legend! HOW DOES THAT NOT SOUND COOL?"

**"IT IS COOL, ACTUALLY. BUT LOOKING AT YOU REMINDS ME TOO MUCH OF SHAMU."**

Kyogre sighed. "You are an evil person."

**"I TRY."**

* * *

><p><em>Giratina's room<em>

…Huh, things seem strangely normal here.

**"HEY, GIRATINA!"**

The personification of antimatter looked up from his suitcase and to a seemingly invisible source.

"Hey, AuraWielder! How's everything going up in your world?"

**"COULD BE BETTER, I'M GETTING A SPANISH II PROJECT AT SCHOOL AND I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO IT. BUT, ON THE OTHER HAND, I'M INTERESTED TO SEE HOW THE REST OF MY SCHOOL YEAR'S GONNA PLAY OUT. OH AND I GOT MY LEARNER'S PERMIT LAST SUMMER! I'M TOTALLY PSYCHED! HOW ARE THINGS WITH YOU?"**

"Same old, same old. Nothing much happened since my birthday party a few decades ago. After that, things were relatively tame for me."

**"IN THE DISTORTION WORLD?"**

"I said, tame for me."

**"WHAT DO YOU PLAN TO DO ON THIS TRIP?"**

"It's gonna be nice to get out of the Distortion World and see some other sites for a change. But what I'm using this trip for is a chance to confess my love for Arceus. Just keep that between you and me, OK?"

**"DON'T WORRY, GIRATINA. YOU'RE ONE OF MY FAVORITE LEGENDARIES. MY LIPS ARE SEALED."**

"Muchos gracias, señor."

**"GREAT. YOU'RE TRYING TO BRING SPANISH IN WHEN I'M NOT EVEN IN SCHOOL…"**

* * *

><p><em>Darkrai's room<em>

"Let's see here…"

The Nightmare Pokémon went down a list of items he intended to bring with him on the world tour.

"Nightmare Canceller…"

He looked into his suitcase to look at a glowing purple orb. This orb, which Cresselia helped Darkrai make, would negate the effects of his nightmares for anyone sleeping near him whenever he had the orb in his possession.

"Check. Human clothes, check. iPod, check. Nintendo DS, check. Dental and hair essentials, check. My precious teddy bear I've kept since birth, check. I think that's everything…"

He peered his single eye into his suitcase, making sure he hadn't missed anything.

"Wait, I forgot!"

Darkrai hovered towards his closet and took a small plastic bag off of the top shelf. He slid a black item out of the bag and threw it in his suitcase.

The Nightmare Pokémon smirked. "Handgun to kill Shaymin with? Check."

* * *

><p>This will certainly prove to be interesting! Next chapter, the 'chosen ones' will hop on a plane to their first destination around the world. Will Shaymin prove to be too much to deal with? Will I ever treat Kyogre fairly? Will Lugia's hidden affair with Reshiram get out? Will Arceus lose every single last shred of her sanity? Find out on Pokémon World Tour!<p>

Pokemon (c) Nintendo/Game Freak


	4. The One Where They All Get On A Plane

Pokémon World Tour

Chapter 4: The One Where They All Get On An Airplane

* * *

><p>"So, is everyone packed and raring to go?"<p>

10 Pokémon Legends now stood (actually Giratina, Shaymin, and Lugia were the only one standing; everyone else was somehow magically floating) outside the very large airplane ready to take them to Earth.

"Yeah, we have everything. Now can we get going?" griped an impatient Rayquaza.

Latias set her hand on the serpent's shoulder. "Patience is a virtue, Ray."

"Yeah? Well, it's a virtue I don't have."

Lugia was walking up to the plane, dragging along several sets of luggage.

"Lugia? What are all of those suitcases for?" Arceus questioned "This isn't a year-long trip, you know…"

"Vocal equipment." he explained. "I'm gonna practice my vocals for the trip, 'cause I plan to do my first show at our first destination, wherever that is."

"But you DID remember to pack extra clothes, right?" warned Giratina. "Let's not forget what happened at Schlitterbahn when it first opened…"

Rayquaza recalled the memory. "You mean when he got his only clothes torn up and he had to-"

"YES, I packed extra clothes and NO, I am not going to repeat the Schlitterbahn incident! You were evil! You made me streak through the park before you would loan me your human clothes!"

"Hey, I don't give my human clothes to just ANYONE."

Giratina smirked. "It WAS kind of funny, seeing you running through the park so quickly, chasing Rayquaza with spare clothes in his hand."

"Enough already!" Lugia retaliated.

"All right. All right. I think we've established the embarrassing factor enough." sighed Arceus. "Latias, do you have everything?"

"Yes." she answered. She was holding a suitcase that looked like it might explode at any moment.

"Is that thing safe?" the goddess inquired. "It's not going to blow up in mid-flight or anything, is it?"

"Nah. I got that thing shut with Groudon's superglue. It would take a Dragon Pulse to get that suitcase open now."

Rayquaza looked surprised. "How did you manage to convince Groudon to give that to you? He never lends ANYTHING out to women."

Latias smirked, something she almost never did. "A little blackmail goes a long way, Rayquaza."

Rayquaza grinned. "I am so proud of you. Which photo did you…?"

"Bathtub one. It was going to see the front page of the Hoenn Newspaper."

"…And that is why you are my girlfriend, Latias. I love girls who don't take shit from anyone."

"To continue…" Arceus interrupted. "Mew? You have everything you need?"

"Yes. CANDY, CANDY, CANDY, CANDY, CANDY and more CANDY!"

"Oh no." she muttered. "God help me…"

"But… aren't YOU God?" Darkrai pointed out.

"Of this world. There's a whole bunch of different worlds that have so many different belief systems, it's insane. Maybe some other God of some other religion will be nice and help me out." the llama hoped. "Maybe the author…"

**"NOPE. YOU'RE TAKING HER WITH YOU IF IT'S THE LAST THING YOU DO."**

"I think it will be… Anyway, you have everything packed, Rayquaza?"

"Yep."

"All right… Shaymin?"

"Oh yeah! Got my face flattener, nostril scrubber, and even my flamethrower!" she said happily. "This is gonna be the best trip ever!"

"This is gonna be the worst trip ever." Darkrai sighed.

Arceus shuddered. She didn't want Shaymin to come anymore than Darkrai did, but she was under the direct orders of the author, aka me.

"Jirachi?" asked the Alpha Pokémon.

Jirachi was hovering in the air, rubbing his eyes with his tiny little hands. "Are we there yet?" he groaned. "I'm really sleepy after being woken up so early…"

"Really?" snarked Darkrai. "57 years of straight power-napping aren't enough?"

"NO!" The force of Jirachi's yell blew Darkrai hard and forced his skirt-

"ROBE!" he corrected me.

Robe… sorry. Blew his robe up and exposed… things people aren't usually supposed to see. As soon as he recovered from the blow, he pushed his skirt-

"ROBE!" he screamed at me again.

OK! Sheesh! Pushed his ROBE back down! Happy, Darkrai?

"Better, I guess."

In front of Darkrai, everyone 'Mon male and female were twitching their eyes like crazy, trying to forget what they had just seen. Except Jirachi who fortunately went back to sleep.

"At… At least we know Darkrai's a guy for sure now…" whispered Kyogre.

"Those were sights never meant to be seen!" screamed Lugia, covering his eyes in horror.

"Go to my happy place; go to my happy place…" Rayquaza repeated to himself.

"Arceus, please tell me you have the Brain Bleach stored somewhere." Giratina desperately hoped.

"Yes." she nodded slowly, trying to recover from the shock. "Yes. It-It's in the airplane; I-I thought we might need it. Everyone else has their stuff, right?"

All of the legends slowly nodded their head.

"Then let's get the (CENSORED) out of here."

Every legend then promptly high-tailed their ass to the airplane, where they all attempted to cram in through the airplane doors. Darkrai grabbed the immobile Jirachi then followed behind the others.

Latias was leading the crowd (as a bird dragon jet plane thing, she was pretty darn fast) and zoomed in first, with Mew and Rayquaza shortly after her. Everyone ended up stuck behind the doors though, when Arceus' wheel got caught in the frame.

"Uh oh." she realized. The camelid (the family llama falls under…) tried to force her body through the frame, but to no avail.

"What's 'uh oh'?" asked Kyogre. "Please don't tell me that you're-"

"Stuck? Yep. I'm gonna need a little help here."

Rayquaza groaned. "I'm really in no mood to do this."

"Would you do it for a Scooby Snack?" joked Arceus.

"No."

"Ray…" persuaded Latias with her puppy dog eyes. "Will you do it for me?"

"…Damn it! Why do you have to be so good with those puppy dog eyes?"

* * *

><p>"Now Rayquaza, Mew, and Latias, you guys are going to pull on my front hooves when I say 'go'. Everyone else behind me will push me in when I say 'go', as well."<p>

Kyogre and Shaymin awkwardly stared at Arceus' rear end when she said that. They want to be nowhere NEAR that.

"We'll pass." they both announced to the goddess as they back away from the airplane. Though all of the other guys on that side; Lugia, Giratina, and Darkrai, were almost all too willing to help…

"OK, ready?"

"Yes." everyone said in union.

"GO!"

Immediately, everyone went to work and began to help the holy llama. Latias, Mew, and Rayquaza pulled with all of their might on Arceus' front side while Lugia, Giratina, and Darkrai pushed in the llama's rear end. Needless to say, the guys were enjoying it.

"Push! PUSH!" she screamed to the 'Mons behind her.

"I'm not giving birth to a baby, you know! I can't do that!" screamed Lugia.

"Keep pulling! Pull! PULL!" she ordered the Legends in front of her.

"I'm afraid there might not be any 'pull' left in me." muttered the green serpent.

"Go! Keep pulling! Keep pulling! KEEP PULLING!" she demanded.

"Don't get your Miltanks in a bunch." assured Latias.

"Haven't I heard that in a Disney/Pixar movie before?" wondered Giratina.

POP!

"Aahhh!"

CRASH!

"Oww…"

The Alpha Pokémon groaned as she lay down on the carpet of the plane. Fortunately, the plane was very sturdy (it's housing Legendaries, after all; it kinda has to be), so no damage was done.

"I don't get paid enough for this." she sighed as she stood her body back up.

**"YOU AREN'T GETTING PAID AT ALL!"**

"My point exactly." She turned around to see her shiny golden still stuck in the frame of the doorway. "Could someone help me bring that in? I feel so naked."

Lugia and Darkrai grabbed the wheel (Giratina was out of luck since he was in Altered Forme), yanked it out, and rolled it in to Arceus. She then immediately attached it back to her body.

"Much thanks everyone. That was definitely more than a little embarrassing…"

"I actually kind of enjoyed it." admitted Lugia.

"…I'll… let that one slide." stuttered Arceus.

"Now where's that Brain Bleach again?" Giratina asked. "I still need to get that scarring image of Darkrai out of my head."

"It's in the bathroom."

Giratina headed off to the bathroom of the plane, which was a distance away from the airlock of the plane. All of the other Legendaries followed, except for Darkrai and Jirachi, who woke up during all the commotion.

"What'd I miss?" the Wish Pokémon asked.

"It's… best you don't know."

* * *

><p>Giratina had reached the bathroom first and inside, he locked the door and yanked through the drawers and cabinets to find what he was looking for. Finally, after searching through several locations, he found it on the top shelf of the sink cabinet. He grabbed the box which read 'Brain Bleach; directions: Apply directly to the cortex when user has seen a damaging or scarring image that they wish to remove from their brain'. He also grabbed a bucket in the cabinet and began to fill it with water from the sink. After that, Giratina proceeded to pour some of the 'Brain Bleach' into the filled bucket. He then unscrewed his head and took his brain out (they're Legendaries, people) and proceeded to scrub the image out. In a few minutes' time, he successfully scrubbed out the image of Darkrai's... unnecessary exposure, set his brain back in his head and rescrewed his head back on, with no recollection of Darkrai's incident.<p>

"That's much better." the Renegade sighed in relief.

He unlocked the door and nearly immediately, he was run over by multiple Legendaries also desiring to get unwanted images out of their heads.

Darkrai himself slowly walked up to the bathroom door with little Jirachi in his arms asking the Pokémon inside, "It couldn't have been that bad, right?"

"YES!"

After about half an hour, everyone was done ridding themselves of horrific images and stepped out of the bathroom.

"Good riddance." grinned Lugia.

"Much better." confessed Kyogre.

"Thank me." said Arceus in relief.

"Thank you for WHAT?" Rayquaza screamed at the goddess. "You got caught up in the doorway, stopping all of us!"

"No, I meant 'Thank me' as in the commonly used 'Thank God' expression often used by humans to convey relief. And since I'm God…"

**"A FICTIONAL GOD."**

"A God nonetheless…"

"Arceus, if you have to explain the joke, then it isn't funny anymore." Giratina told the goddess.

She sighed. "Fine. Whatever. Let's just get going."

* * *

><p>"So, is everyone all buckled in?" asked Arceus from her pilot's seat.<p>

"WE HAVE BEEN FOR THE LAST HOUR WHILE YOU WERE PUTTING YOUR MAKEUP ON!" yelled the always so temperamental Shaymin.

"Well, pardon me if I want to look nice. Some women actually CARE about their appearance, Shaymin."

"You would do well to take notice." muttered Kyogre.

"YEEEAAAAAHHHH!" the pink sperm fetus known as Mew enunicated.

"SHUT UP!" she screamed, causing every Legendary to wince at the volume (even Arceus in the pilot's seat…)

"Someday Shaymin, we're all going to take you to anger management." sighed the usually optimistic Latias.

"Let's just get going…" groaned Lugia.

Eventually, the plane's engines could be revving up. They spun faster and faster and they got louder and louder until the plane began to inch forward.

"I could fly to Earth faster than the plane could get us there." complained an impatient Rayquaza.

"I second that." agreed Lugia, who was also a phenomenal flyer.

"But then, you guys would burn up in the atmosphere." pointed out Latias.

Lugia and Rayquaza sighed in sync. "Point taken."

Finally, the plane began to pick up in speed. The plane began to accelerate faster and faster and faster and faster and faster and faster and faster and faster and…

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" all of the Legendaries yelled at me.

**"SHEESH."**

And the plane picked up enough speed to take off and ascend the plane to the sky.

"Attention everyone. This is your pilot, aka your mother speaking. Please stay in your seats until I say you can get out or else you will suffer the consequences. Thank you."

"Screw rules." said Darkrai. He unbuckled his seatbelt and hopped out of his seat and onto the walkway.

"You know…" began Latias. "If you don't get your ass planted back in your seat, the turbulence when we leave the atmosphere is going to send you flying."

"What do you know about planes?"

"I'm based off of one."

FWOOOOOOOOOSH!

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"

THUD!

"Ohhhhhh…"

The force of the turbulence, true to Latias' words, sent Darkrai flying through the plane, sending him straight back to the rear wall of the aircraft.

"Oww. Oww. My aching everything…" Darkrai winced at the pain.

"I hate to say I told you so, but… I TOLD YOU SO! HA!"

Rayquaza only quietly smirked.

As soon as the turbulence wore off and the plane was steadily soaring through the sky, Arceus had given permission for the passengers to unbuckle their seatbelts. The 8 Legendaries who had done the SMART thing and buckled up their seatbelts were now standing over Darkrai, watching him squirm in pain.

"Painful, isn't it?" Giratina laughed.

"Shut up."

"Now what do we do?" wondered the blue whale, Sha-

"KYOGRE! NOT FREAKING SHAMU!" she shouted at me.

**"FINE, KYOGRE. NOW WHAT SHOULD I HAVE YOU DO…?"**

"As long as it doesn't involve pain; I'm happy." groaned Darkrai.

**"A BATTLE." **I decided. **"LUGIA AND RAYQUAZA."**

Lugia and Rayquaza only glanced at each other. The excitement of a battle would be a thrilling experience to the two Legends.

"Wait, hold on." said the serpentine Legend. "I just realized something. We're on a PLANE. A (CENSORED) PLANE. You mean you expect us to battle inside a…"

**"NOW HOLD ON, THIS ISN'T A REGULAR BATTLE. THIS IS GOING TO BE A RAP BATTLE."**

"Oh crap." muttered Rayquaza.

"Oh sweet." grinned Lugia.

"Umm… b-but how do you expect us to do a rap battle if…" he tried to think up an excuse to avoid being humiliated by Lugia. "…If we don't have microphones?"

**"EASILY FIXED."**

Two microphones suddenly appeared from thin air. One landed in Rayquaza's claw; the other in Lugia's wing.

"I hate you."

**"YOU'RE NOT THE FIRST."**

Lugia began to walk out of the main walkway and into a side room with Rayquaza and the other Legends following behind. The room held a stage, lights, sets, and audience seating. It was almost a bit too perfect…

"You planned this all along, didn't you?" Rayquaza snarled at me.

**"YES. YES I DID."**

Lugia stepped onto the stage and singled out Rayquaza.

"Rayquaza, the Sky High Pokémon!" called Lugia. "I challenge you to a battle of rhymes and raps! Come up and face me!"

"Or are you too… Combusken?" he whispered in the mic.

Rayquaza got his wits together and manned up. "I accept your challenge, Lugia, Guardian of the Seas!"

Rayquaza hovered up to the stage with his mic in hand.

"You can do it, Ray." cheered the red dragon.

"I'll start." Lugia announced. "Turn on the beat." Giratina, next to the boom box, used a point on his wing to tap the PLAY button. Immediately, the _Twister _theme from The World Ends With You (if you haven't played it, BUY IT. NOW.) began to play without vocals.

Lugia:  
>See the Cryogonals bursting here,<br>Now use Explosion, there's something to fear  
>Have Ho-Oh's flames generatin' by your side<br>Though no flames can turn down my tide!

Rayquaza gulped as he tried to form ideas for rapping in his head, coming up emptying. Suddenly, the idea hit him like a…

Rayquaza:  
>Draco Meteor through the sky<br>Pulverize you from way up high  
>I might be 4 times weak to ice<br>But Darkrai will scare you up quite nice!

Darkrai couldn't help but laugh in his seat as the rapping shifted back to Lugia, who already had another rhyme in stock…

Lugia:  
>So, I'm walking alone in the Valley of Death<br>With my rod and my staff, but it ain't over yet  
>Use Final Judgment to light up the way<br>But will YOU live to see dawn the next day?

Rayquaza only smirked as his next rhyme formed in his head and his turn came…

Rayquaza:  
>And now you think I'm down and out?<br>But hold up, am I Struggling myself?  
>Look at me now, you're just a sucker<br>Now take my next rhyme, you mother-

"AHEM!" Arceus glared at the green serpent, clearing her throat.

Rayquaza sweatdropped nervously. "Um, uh… yes, mother?"

"May I ask you to reconsider your choice of words?" she said, her tone of voice harsh and indicating that it was more of an order rather than a request.

"…Uh… why is that, mother?" he asked nervously.

Arceus only glared before a force of pink energy surrounded Rayquaza, choking him. "…This is why."

After about 10 seconds, Arceus released him. Rayquaza gasped desperately for air and Latias came rushing by his side to help him.

"Ray?" she asked sweetly. "Breathe in through the nose slowly first."

Rayquaza stopped his ferocious gasping and did as Latias said.

"Then breath out through the mouth." the red dragon told him. "Do it a couple of times."

"All right. All right."

After a bit, Rayquaza's heavy gasping went back to normal.

"Better, wouldn't you agree?"

"…I suppose."

Mew hovered up over the rest of the Legendaries. "NOW WHAT DO WE DO?" she shouted loudly.

"Don't do that." ordered Darkrai. "Or else the author's gonna think up of something horrible for us."

**"I HAVE AN IDEA."**

"Way to blow it, Darkrai." groaned the Guardian of the Seas.

**"DON'T WORRY, IT'S NOTHING BAD THIS TIME. I'LL THINK UP SOMETHING LATER."**

"KNEW IT!" Shaymin claimed.

**"ANYWAY… HEAD BACK TO YOUR AIRLINE SEATS. THERE'S A SURPRISE FOR YOU."**

"Are you trying something funny?" Arceus suspected.

"Please don't be spiders; please don't be spiders; please don't be spiders…" chanted Giratina quietly.

The group of Legends walked out of the performance room and back to the airline section. To their surprise, they found a delicious 5-course meal waiting for each individual Pokémon. Jaws hit the floor.

After picking up his jaw, Rayquaza licked his lips in delight. "What are we waiting for? Let's…"

"Hold on." Lugia warned the Legends. "There's something funny about this…"

"Why?" asked Kyogre. "I think he's trying to make up for saying Groudon's better than me."

**"NO, THAT'S NOT IT."**

"Aww."

"Then what is it?" Lugia demanded again.

**"I HAVE DECIDED TO APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE FOR WHAT I HAVE PLANNED FOR YOU GUYS NEXT CHAPTER."**

"Uh oh." they all said in complete sync.

**"NOW DIG IN."**

* * *

><p>Back in the Hall of Origin after everyone had left, Entei was still left with the body of his unconscious electric brother.<p>

"Well, time to go raid through Raikou's personal things." he said as he walked out of the Hall of Origin.

* * *

><p>AN: For those of you who don't live in Texas (probably a large number), Schlitterbahn is a large water park in New Braunfels, Texas. It's common for most Texans to take a trip there.

...I can't believe I managed to fit Pokemon Moves, some lyrics from The World Ends With You, and part of a freaking Bible Verse into that rap. (Psalm 23:4, if anyone's interested...)

Again, another fun chapter for me to write. Sorry to make you guys wait until they actually reach their first destination. I've already decided where it will be and it'll be revealed next chapter when they get there. See if you can't guess...

Pokemon (c) Nintendo/Game Freak


	5. Vatican City, Arrival!

Pokémon World Tour

Chapter 5: Vatican City, Arrival!

A/N: Hmm. I wonder where they're going.

* * *

><p>"Where the hell are we heading first?"<p>

Lugia was kicked back in his chair, eating up the last of his personal 5-course meal. It had been two hours since they left and Lugia wasn't a very patient 'Mon. He used his fork to try to scrape up the last of his chocolate cake; there was a little bit left. He slowly inserted the fork into his mouth and savored the chocolaty goodness.

"Mmm…"

Shaymin was across the plane from Lugia; she was enjoying her own dessert of… angel… AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Sorry… sorry. Angel…ha-ha… food cake.

"Mmm… this cake tastes so good… and angelic." she smiled. "Just like me."

Lugia (and everyone else on the plane) had to resist bursting out in laughter.

Arceus didn't. The goddess was rolling on the floor and couldn't stop laughing.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHA! YOU? ANGELIC? GIVE ME A BREAK! AHAHAHA! THAT'S RICH!"

Shaymin dropped the plate she was holding and turned to the divine goddess. The hedgehog's voice lowered to a whisper.

"Did… you… just… laugh… at me?"

"Uhh…" Arceus stood back up and regained herself. "N-No."

"You lie, Arceus."

Everyone on the plane knew what that phrase meant coming from Shaymin and immediately took cover under their seats. Shaymin obviously had anger issues, but the one thing you do not EVER do… is laugh at her. EVER. The last person (last time, it was a human being) who did that to her ended up in the hospital with horrible, gruesome physical scars and terrifying, irreparable mental scars. Oh, and on life support. Don't forget life support.

"You… LIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!" Shaymin's voice pushed even the goddess of life back a couple of feet.

"Now, Shaymin…" the llama tried to reason with the hedgehog. (… Anyone else think that sentence sounded weird?)

The hedgehog slowly advanced towards the llama, with a devastating Seed Flare already being charged.

"Shaymin, can't we just sit down and discuss this like rational Pokémon?"

Shaymin's body began to glow brightly and everyone knew what that meant next. Small, numerous seeds generated in front of the hedgehog.

Arceus was growing desperate. "You wouldn't attack your own mother, would you?"

"She would." all of the other Legendaries told the holy llama.

"Oh no. Oh no no no no no no. I-I can't die; I'm too young. I'm only 100,000 years old!"

"No, you're not." Giratina pointed out. "You're-"

"Bring up my real age and your carcass will be on my wall." Arceus then turned back to Shaymin. "Shaymin… honey. Let's let bygones be bygones. What do you say?"

"…I say, 'screw you'."

Latias and Rayquaza peeked out from under their seats watching the show.

"Don't you think we should do something?" Latias asked. "I mean, she IS our mother, after all…"

"Nah. This show's proving to be too much fun." Rayquaza then pulled out his camera and did what he does best. Blackmail.

Lugia was under his seat as well, shuddering at the confrontation between Shaymin and Arceus. He wasn't scared of much, but one of the few things he genuinely DID fear was a roaring rampage of rage from Shaymin. He had already said his prayers and prepared for the worst. He looked away from the fights and down onto the floor, where he found a vacation pamphlet…

Kyogre fit… very uncomfortably under her seat, given that she's a FREAKIN' SEA WHALE. Squashed under her was Mew, leaving the ancestor of all Pokémon with very little room to breathe.

"Kyogre… I… can't… breathe."

"Well, I'M not going out of here to let Shaymin murder me."

"But…"

"FORGET IT!"

Mew had no choice. She was left to resort to desperate measures. She opened up her mouth and…

"AHHHHHH! SHE BIT ME!" Kyogre leapt out from under the seats (sending many chairs flying) and ran (floated?) around like crazy (sending more chairs flying) as well as scaring the bejezzus out of everyone else.

"It's all a dream. It's all a dream. It's all a dream." Darkrai tried to assure him underneath his chair, holding little Jirachi. "Shaymin's NOT killing Mom. Chairs AREN'T flying around the room. I'm going to be fine. I'll be fine."

Jirachi slowed stirred from his nap and woke up in Darkrai's arms.

"Jirachi. You're awake."

"…"

"…What is it?" he asked the tiny Wish Pokémon.

"…Man up and deal with it, you bozo."

Suddenly, Kyogre slammed straight into Darkrai, sending him flying and onto, you guessed it, Sonic the Hedgehog's distant cousin, Shaymin.

"H-Hi Shaymin." Darkrai said nervously.

"DARKRAI! YOU AGAIN! YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO GET IN THE MIDDLE OF MY FUN! WELL, NO MORE!"

Shaymin took her attention off of Arceus and onto Darkrai. Darkrai slowly tried to back away from Shaymin, but ended up pinned on the back wall of the airplane. Things weren't looking too good for the Nightmare Pokémon, who was currently trapped in his own. Good thing Darkrai made out his will in the first chapter…

"SAY GOOD NIGHT, YOU LITTLE-"

"HOLD UP!"

Everyone immediately stopped what they were doing (Rayquaza even halted his recording of Shaymin) and looked towards Lugia.

"YEAH?"

"Arceus, have you decided where we're heading first?"

The llama searched her brain to see if she had come up with a destination.

"Umm… no, not really."

"Well, while you and Shaymin were… uhh… having an intriguing discussion over a horrible completely unintentional accident, I found this pamphlet under my seat."

Giratina couldn't help but grin. "'Intriguing' would be an understatement, Lugia."

Arceus sighed in eventual defeat. "I suppose I would have to agree, Giratina. But… where's that pamphlet for?"

Lugia opened up the booklet and pointed out some of the landmarks. "It's Vatican City. I don't know how it ended up under my seat (hint, hint. Author Interference) but it looks really interesting. We could visit the Vatican Gardens or see St. Peter's Basilica."

"Ohh… the Vatican Gardens…" dreamed Latias. "I'll bet it's a magnificent place to take a date and share a kiss, right Ray?"

Everyone looked at the green serpent with interest and a few vengeful looks as he began to sweat nervously. "U-Umm… right… date… kissing… gardens… sounds great, honey."

"St. Peter's Basilica also sounds pretty interesting." said a fascinated Darkrai.

Kyogre glanced over to the Nightmare Pokémon. "Why would YOU care about St. Peter's Basilica?"

"Have you SEEN all the artworks in there? It's insane! There are grand statues of important figures in religion. The sculptures there are amazing. It's simply gorgeous."

"You sound like you've been there before." Arceus noted.

"Well… yeah, I went there a couple years back. Remember when I studied abroad as a human in the field of oneirology (the study of dreams)? I got to visit Vatican City and St. Peter's Basilica is not something to be missed. I'd like to visit there again. You guys would like it."

This caught Arceus' interest. Darkrai was known to be somewhat of a critic, so to hear him liking the sights of Vatican City so much was certainly something to take note of.

"Hmm. It's sounding better and better by the minute. What do y'all think?" she asked the rest of the Legendaries.

"Since when did you use 'y'all'?" asked a curious Lugia.

"The author is Texan."

"Hmm. Point taken. But I'm in favor anyway. I wonder if I can get a chance to play in the Vatican Gardens…"

"Well if you are, don't expect us to sing with you." muttered the Sea Whale Lyogre.

"KYOGRE!" she quickly pointed out to me.

EDIT: _…muttered the Sea Whale __K__yogre._

**"BETTER?"**

"Yes."

"Don't worry about performing with me. Zekrom's already visiting Italy and he can drop by to help me out with a show or two."

"It still was kinda surprising to hear you rap like that in the Hall of Origin." remarked Giratina. "Based on the song Nintendo and Game Freak composed for you, I never would have guessed you could do that."

"In all honesty, I REALLY wanted to record a rap song for my movie, but no, Game Freak said 'We're selling this to 8 year olds, Lugia. We can't have you rap on the album, no matter how good you are.' I admit the song they composed was gorgeous… but I still wanted to put a song of mine on there. When I get time, I plan to record a debut single, get signed up with a record company, and release it to iTunes."

"Good luck with that. I have some tight connections via a few souls I've spared. I could get you and Zekrom hooked up."

"That'd be awesome, Giratina. Much obliged."

"Is everyone else is favor?" Arceus asked. All of the Legendaries were in unanimous agreement (except for Shaymin, who wanted to go see Korn live in El Paso.)

* * *

><p>Arceus walked back over to the cockpit and set the autopilot's coordinates to Vatican City, Italy. After she was done, she went over to the Legendaries.<p>

"We're on our way right now. I already called Leonardo da Vinci-Fiuminico Airport and made arrangements for a landing. The plane should arrive in Vatican in about an hour. We might as well change to our human forms before we get there."

Arceus closed her eyes and began to glow. She gradually transformed from a camelid shape and slowly, yet surely into a bipedal human. Once the shimmering glow died down, everyone could see Human Forme Arceus (that sounds a LOT fancier than it actually is).

Her Forme as a human bore many striking similarities to her appearance as a Pokémon. She had long blonde hair, matching the color of her Normal-type Plate. Her dress was modest, being only a simple yellow dress with white floral patterns and had nothing incredibly revealing about it. However, given the fact she had beautiful hair, a nice dress, and the fact that she looked no older than 25 would still probably attract the attention of a few guys in Vatican City…

Lugia went next. His Human Forme's appearance gave him white animesque hair, having a close look-alike to Ash Ketchum's. However, he was significantly older, appearing as a handsome man possibly somewhere in his late 30s.

Latias then went. She transformed into Bianca (her Human Forme in the 5th movie), but to fit along with the general age of the others, she aged her Forme to around her early to mid 30s.

After her was Rayquaza, who turned into a handsome Latino also in his early to mid 30s with… green hair… of all things. Needless to say, he was going to attract plenty of attention in Vatican City, even if he and Latias were already an item.

It was Mew's turn to go. She became not something you'd expected the Ancestor of Pokémon to be. She was always playful, so she took the Forme of a young girl, appearing about 12 years old with the pink hair and clothes you'd expect amine heroines to have.

Shaymin was next. She transformed to a girl similar to looks in Mew's Forme, except slightly taller (despite the fact that she's one of the shortest Pokémon to ever exist… don't tell her I said that.) and had green hair, but lighter in color than Rayquaza's. She did have the better excuse for the hair, though…

Route 7 – Jirachi. He transformed into a young boy, about the same age that Mew was in appearance. Unlike Mew and Shaymin, his hair was a normal color (being a platinum blonde, lighter in color than Arceus'.). He also dressed more like an average human child than Mew or Shaymin with a typical blue shirt and a pair of shorts.

Numero ocho – Kyogre. Unlike Arceus, Kyogre wasn't as modest as her in her Human Forme. Her dress stuck with the color of her main body, an aquatic long-haired blue. Her cleavage as a human was much more… revealing, shall we say. It was modest enough for the smaller Legendaries to see without Arceus getting mad, but it was still enough cleavage to catch the attention of older male Legendaries… including a swooned Rayquaza. His eyes were on Kyogre, oblivious to the pissed-off Latias next to him.

2 more Pokémon were left. Giratina transformed into his much lesser used third Forme, Human. His hair was golden blonde in a spiked gravity-breaking style that defied the law of physics (then again, he's from the Distortion World which is already pretty screwed up…). He also sported a white sleeveless jacket with golden markings over a black T-shirt.

Finally, Darkrai went into his Human Forme. He retained his white wavy 'hair' he had as a Pokémon, but he was much shorter than most of the 'adult' Legendaries. He wore a black T-shirt with dark apocalyptic designs on them, along with a red garnet necklace (normally, he doesn't wear jewelry, but he sports the necklace surprisingly well!).

"…You certainly took your sweet time explaining we all look like in Human Forme, didn't you?" Arceus formerly known as 'The Holy Llama' asked me.

**"RELAX. THE READERS JUST NEED TO KNOW ONCE. I AM NEVER DOING THAT AGAIN."**

"Good." Darkrai sighed. "That took up a huge portion of the word count."

**"HEY!"**

"How much longer until we hit Vatican City, Arceus?" asked an excited Giratina. "I think this could be really fun… you know, if the author doesn't make us go through hell."

**"REMEMBER WHAT I SAID LAST CHAPTER? I EVEN APOLOGIZED IN ADVANCE WITH THAT BUFFET!"**

"Oh… yeah. Maybe we'll still have some fun anyway."

**"THE READERS WILL AT LEAST."**

"Anyway…" Arceus interrupted. "We only have about 15 minutes before we arrive at Leonardo da Vinci-Fiuminico Airport. Oh boy, that was a mouthful. Just get your stuff ready; you know how crazy airport security is on Earth now… You'll need these." Arceus tossed several square-shaped pamphlets to each of the Legends. They were much thicker than the one advertising Vatican City.

"What are these things for?" asked Mew. "Would they be good in…"

"No, Mew." Arceus groaned. "They would not be good in chocolate cake. These are passports, which we'll need to get into the countries we're visiting. I've got one too."

"What kind of things are in here?" the Red Eon Dragon wondered.

"It's 'official' information on your human aliases. Full human name, assigned birth dates, your 'Social Security Card' number… it's all in there."

"But Pokémon don't have Social Security Cards." Lugia said as he looked at the forged documents. "Whose number is this, then?"

"Heck, as if I care." Arceus shrugged. "Now study up on it. You'll need it."

* * *

><p>At the airport, there was a runway clear for Arceus and the rest of the Legends to land on. She had alerted the airport about her arrival and they were allowed to land. They initially refused because of such short notice, but imposing your infinite power can really convince someone to change their mind.<p>

Arceus faced the Legendaries. "OK, the runway is clear. You all have your stuff?"

All of the Legends held their bags together. Unfortunately, Darkrai was left with carrying his AND Lugia's vocal equipment. The Guardian of the Seas was only holding his bag with standard travel fare.

"Why am **I **the one to hold all of your crap, Lugia?"

"Because you're the butt monkey who gets abused nearly every chapter by the author. You've figured that out by now, right?"

Darkrai sighed. "Yes…"

The plane slowly began to descend onto the runway. The wheels made smooth contact and the plane began to slow across the tarmac until it came to a full stop. And then that… that… thingy… you know that thingy that extends from the terminal onto the airplane and lets passengers on and off? Yeah, one attached to the airplane.

"The… thingy?" asked the green serpent Rayquaza.

**"GIVE ME A BREAK, OK? I DON'T KNOW EVERYTHING!"**

"Whatever…"

"Airport security should check us in at the terminal." Arceus told the Legendaries. "Just… try to act like a human as humanly possible."

"Yeah, be sure to tell that to the Department of Redundancy Department." Kyogre told the goddess.

Arceus and the rest of the Legends rolled their eyes as they walked off of the plane and into the… thingy. As they walked through, Giratina commented on how could inside the… thingy be so much darker than the Distortion World.

Darkrai then made the snide remark; "No matter how dark it is, Shaymin's heart will always be darker." Everyone got a good laugh out of that except for Shaymin herself (duh) and started to come up with a plan that would humiliate Darkrai.

The group of 10 walked out of the… thingy… and onto Terminal 3 of Fiuminico Airport. Everyone looked around in interest on the first stop of the Pokémon World Tour.

The Legends then maneuvered through the thick crowd of the airport and to the airport security, where they would have to go through to reach Vatican City (at least, if they didn't want to stir up a media storm…).

"Do we REALLY have to do this?" Rayquaza sighed. "I've heard airport security in the human world has really tightened up ever since that September 11th incident. I do NOT, repeat do NOT want to get strip-searched."

Kyogre spoke up; "You don't think they would strip-search a woman… would they?"

"Yes, they would." everybody told her in complete unison.

"It can't be THAT bad. Let's just get it over with." the Wish Pokémon said.

The Legends walked over to the security checkpoint and met up with the policemen.

"Are you tourists?" one of the gruff men (who Arceus noted that he looked a LOT like Lt. Surge…) said.

Arceus rolled her eyes, thinking 'tourists' would be a degrading term for her. "Far from tourists." she said. "We're… um…" Then she realized… there wasn't really another to put it.

She sighed. "Yeah, we're pretty much tourists."

"And your passports?" he inquired.

All of the Legends reached into their pockets and showed them to the man. "Wait a second… You, with the green hair." Rayquaza and Shaymin looked toward the man. "Yes?" they asked simultaneously.

"The Latino guy."

Rayquaza stepped up to the muscular officer. He gulped, hoping things wouldn't take a turn for the worse so early in their trip. Rayquaza knew he was usually much more powerful than humans, but when Legends are in their Human Forme; their powers are much more limited. With limited powers, the officer could easily take him down.

"Yes, officer?"

"Hand me your passport." he ordered. Rayquaza did as he said; the Legend didn't really have much other option.

"May I ask why?"

"It's possibly a coincidence, but you look a bit too similar to that Mexican dude who wrecked havoc in St. Peter's Square a few days ago. We just want to confirm. Where are you from?"

Rayquaza sighed in relief, remembering the information he had studied in the forged passport.

"I am Señor Raymond Quasar." he told the man in a _very _convincing Spanish accent. "I come from Cancún, Quintana Roo, and I came to Vatican City to help form ideas to advertise for my hometown, since it is Mexico's most renowned resort to visit. I hope to offer the good people of Vatican City samples of what services in Cancún will await them."

All of the other Legends' jaws were touching the floor now, even Latias. Sure, they all knew of what trickery Rayquaza was capable of but they never knew he was such a good actor…

"That seems to match up with your passport info. Guess you're not that crazy Mexican after all. You can go, just set your suitcase on the moving belt and we'll verify its' contents and get it back to you."

"Gracias."

Rayquaza walked through the metal detector without anything going off (of course if he was in his normal Forme, we'd have a _very _different story…). He lounged in one of the sofas at the terminal and waited for his fellow Legends.

Eventually, almost everyone got through security. Only Arceus and Darkrai were left and the goddess got through with no holdups. Darkrai though…

"OK sir, put your suitcase on the belt and go through the detector." Darkrai walked through the detector with nothing going wrong. His suitcase was a different story…

*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BE- (You get the idea.)

Darkrai looked nervously at his bag, wondering what could possibly be causing the detector to go off.

The Lt. Surge officer look-alike stepped in front of Darkrai, with a menacing scowl on his face.

"Uhh.. y-yes, sir?" Darkrai stuttered with anxiety apparent in his voice.

"Mr. Daniel Kaiser? I'm going to need to investigate your bag. Our detector went off and there might be something in there."

"Umm… sure, go ahead. I'm not sure what could be the problem."

The officer carefully and ever so cautiously opened Darkrai's suitcase. After nothing exploded (obviously confirming that it WASN'T a bomb), the muscular officer tore through his stuff. Darkrai's human clothes, Nintendo DS, iPod, precious teddy bear and Nightmare Canceller all went flying (somehow, he managed to catch everything… I'll give him points for that). But what the officer found hidden underneath everything was something that would seriously hurt Darkrai.

"Mr. Kaiser." the officer stated. "Can you explain to me WHY the hell you have a concealed weapon in your suitcase?"

All of the other Legendaries' attention, previously on casual affairs were now on Darkrai and the small handgun the officer was holding.

Darkrai began to sweat nervously. The handgun that he was planning to murder Shaymin with, he completely forgot that it was in there!

"Uhh… umm… That's… It's not what it looks like officer! I swear!"

"Sure it isn't." the officer said flatly. "OK, Mr. Kaiser. Put your hands behind your head. You're under arrest for bringing a concealed weapon through an airport."

"Now what?" Darkrai asked the police officer, knowing he would dread the answer.

"You're coming with me. We're going have to strip-search you before we take you to the station."

"Awwwww… man!" Darkrai was forced to walk off with the police officer, not looking forward to the upcoming events… He could hear the Legendaries snickering behind him, with Shaymin down-right laughing.

Shaymin was on the floor, laughing like a mad man… or woman… or Pokémon… whatever. Some of the other people in the airport (and even the Legends) were understandably creeped out. "I can't believe Darkrai did that! I was going to humiliate him… but he just took care of it for me! AHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Looks like we'll have to bail him out when he gets to the station." Arceus sighed.

"You'd think that Rayquaza would be taking this for blackmail later…" Lugia said, looking suspiciously at him.

"Not this time. I already have what happened in the Hall of Origin yesterday on him. Plus, I'd… rather NOT see him naked after… that…"

They all shuddered.

"Now what?" Giratina asked his crush.

"Now we wait for the next chapter."

* * *

><p>Pokemon © Nintendo Game Freak

Lugia broke the fourth wall (again… it's pretty much destroyed by now…) and saw the copyrights.

"Hey. Why do you have to put who owns Pokemon? Everybody KNOWS that a fanfic writer obviously DOESN'T own the franchise…

**"BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO GET MY ASS SUED OFF."**

"How bad could it possibly be?"

**"WATCH. I OWN POKEMON."**

Suddenly, a brick is thrown through my bedroom window on the 1st floor. Satoshi Tajiri crawls through it and begins to shout things at me in Japanese that I do not understand.

"Oh. So that's what happens."

**"NO! I'LL BE BACK! I'LL… BE… BBBAAAACCCCCK!"**


	6. I Am a 'Mon of Very Little Brain

Pokémon World Tour

Chapter 6: I Am a 'Mon Of Very Little Brain

* * *

><p>"That was the most humiliating experience of my life, BAR NONE!"<p>

Darkrai (or Mr. Daniel Kaiser, if you prefer) stepped out of one of Vatican City's local police stations. He hated what he had just been subjected to. The police taking possession of his entire luggage, being strip-searched (VERY THROUGHLY), and speaking a night in the jail was NOT what Darkrai had signed on for.

"ALL I WANTED WAS A VACATION!" the Nightmare Pokémon screamed into the sky. "Is that so much to ask? I hate you. I HATE YOU. I **H-A-T-E** YOU, AURAWIELDER!"

People were walking across the street nearby, looking at Darkrai like he was insane.

**"OH, COME NOW. IS THAT ANY WAY TO TREAT THE AUTHOR?"**

"Seems pretty fair considering how you treat me… and the way you favor everyone else over me… What was that thing called again? Oh yeah. The Golden Rule. **Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. **You're a Christian, right? Isn't that in the Bible somewhere?" he smirked, attempting to use my own religion against me.

**"BUT… B-BUT… I… HMPH."**

"Gotcha." he smirked again.

Suddenly, an anvil appeared over his head, ready to drop down.

"Oh f-"

POW!

**"THIS IS **_**MY**_** STORY; I'LL DO WHAT I PLEASE!"**

Darkrai could only quietly gripe to himself as he crawled slowly and painfully out from under the anvil.

"I swear to Arceus, when this is over, I'm going to lock myself in my room for several hundred-"

"Darkrai!" called a familiar voice.

"…Hmm?" Darkrai turned to the speaker of the voice. It was an ever-so-familiar black metal dragon encased in a human form…

"Zekrom?"

Zekrom ran over to Darkrai, assessing the situation. He held a newfangled contraption in his hands which Darkrai couldn't figure out what it was to save his life. Though, he was too busy being crushed by an anvil to pay attention to detail.

"Hey Darkrai."

"What are YOU doing here?"

"I'm visiting Italy. You know me. There's an inventor's convention, and I COULDN'T miss it. I've been traveling around Italy in my spare time before the competition. Italy's pretty cool. I found that…"

"Yes, Zekrom. I'm sure whatever you found out was _absolutely thrilling, _but if you haven't noticed… I'M FREAKING STUCK UNDER A FREAKING ANVIL THAT THE FREAKING AUTHOR MADE!"

**"UH. EXCUSE ME. SAID 'FREAKING AUTHOR' IS STILL HERE."**

"Well, shit."

**"DON'T WORRY NOW, THOUGH. YOU'LL GET SOME TIME TO YOURSELVES. I WON'T BE HERE FOR THE REST OF THE CHAPTER, SO GIVE MY REGARDS TO THE OTHERS FOR ME." **

"Where are you going?" asked Darkrai, still in pain with the anvil on his lower body.

** "I'M LEAVING TO WATCH THE NEW WINNIE THE POOH MOVIE I PURCHASED."**

Darkrai and Zekrom stood there silently (or in Darkrai's case, laying face down on concrete), blinking their eyes, trying to comprehend what the mighty author had just told them.

The evil, manipulative, conniving, shrewd author was… going to go watch a Winnie the Pooh film.

Winnie.

The.

Freakin'.

Pooh.

"Wow." Zekrom stated. "I was NOT expecting that. Who'd have thought?"

"Yes, Zekrom. How very interesting." Darkrai muttered sarcastically. "Now if you don't mind… GET THIS THING OFF OF ME!"

"All right. All right. Don't get your bears in a bunch." he chuckled. Zekrom walked over to Darkrai and hauled the anvil off of him. He was a Physically Strong Legendary so he did so with relative ease.

"Thanks, Zekrom."

"No problem. Hey, have you seen Lugia? I'm trying to scour Vatican City for him, but it's so freakin' HUGE!"

"Beats me. Last time I saw him, he and all of the other Legendaries were **R**olling **O**n the **F**loor **L**aughing at me, since I had to get strip-searched. I just got released from the police department."

Zekrom tried to not burst out in laughter. "You got STRIP-SEARCHED?"

"Don't ask. But I still need to find the gang. Let's team up, Zekrom. Two heads are better than one."

"Tell that to Zweilous." Zekrom said as the two skipped off happily into the sunset, holding hands and…

Wait.

Wrong fairy tale.

* * *

><p>Arceus walked around the St. Peter's Square, which was ironically shaped like a circle. Of course, that sort of logic didn't really matter to her, as she was too engrossed into the design and architecture of the Square to concern herself over it. Along with her were Giratina, Latias, and Rayquaza, all of them with a group following a tour guide.<p>

"And over here, we have the Vatican Obelisk, the only obelisk in Rome to have never toppled since Roman Times! It was originally erected by Cornelius Gallus on Emperor Augustus's orders in Alexandria around 30-28 B.C. It was then…"

"Latias… why'd you have to drag me on this trip?" Rayquaza griped. "I don't CARE about some giant stone stick; I just wanna go to the beach and take a swim."

"Rayquaza, this is a learning experience." Latias told Rayquaza. "We're supposed to discover and enrich ourselves with the culture of people from Earth. It's so fascinating to learn about a planet with no Pokémon."

"Fascinating, my ass." he grumbled under his breath. He sighed, hot from the heat under the sun. "I feel like I'm in a freakin' sauna. I need a drink. Is there any-"

At this point, Arceus who was previously enjoying listening to the tour guide was now ticked off and ready to kill Rayquaza.

BATTLE!

A complaining Rayquaza appeared!

Go, Arceus!

Rayquaza used GRIPE!

It does not affect Rayquaza!

It does not hurt Arceus!

Arceus's attack rose two stages!

Arceus's defense rose two stages!

Arceus's special attack rose two stages!

Arceus's special defense rose two stages!

Arceus's speed rose two stages!

Rayquaza, YOU FAIL!

Arceus used THROW RANDOM TOURIST!

It hit the complaining Rayquaza!

A critical hit!

It's super effective!

The complaining Rayquaza fainted!

…The RANDOM TOURIST died- I mean fainted!

Arceus gained 38,403 experience points!

…The RANDOM TOURIST was rushed to the hospital!

"Did you really have to do that?" Latias questioned Arceus.

"Yes. Yes, I did." Arceus then walked off like nothing happened, with Giratina following. "We're heading to the Vatican Gardens, if you need us, get someone else."

_"Perfect." _Giratina thought. _"This will finally be my chance!"_

Latias shrugged her shoulders, then continued to follow the tour while Rayquaza just… laid there unconscious.

* * *

><p>"So… you're SURE you can get me what I want?"<p>

"I would never lie on my honor as the Gratitude Pokémon, Mew."

Mew and Shaymin were already in the Vatican Gardens, having decided to visit the gorgeous gardens instead of going on a dumb tour around some old building called St. Peter's Basilica.

"You know want I want, Shaymin. Candy. 30 pounds of it. I expect it by tomorrow."

Shaymin jumped up to sit on the edge of the St. Peter's statue with Mew sitting next to her.

"I can do that for you. But only under our conditions. Find Darkrai and bring him to me. That's all you have to do. I'll do the dirty work."

"Ok, but what are you going to do to him?"

"…That's for me to know, and for him to find out. You don't need to know anymore than that. So, do we have a deal?"

Mew thought it over for a second. _"Hmm. Do I bring Darkrai here to suffer eternal torment from Shaymin for 30 pounds of candy? Or do I do the right thing and warn him? Hmm…"_

"Well?"

"Deal."

So much for a guilty conscience…

Mew left to lure Darkrai to his do- I mean, to show Darkrai the beautiful gardens. Shaymin remained seated on the edge of the statue, looking up into the sky with glee.

"Oh, Darkrai." she smiled to herself. "You and I are going to have SO much fun together!"

Just then, Arceus and Giratina arrived in the garden on the other side of Shaymin heading for her. Though, she was hidden by the statue. Arceus and Giratina sat down on the other side, facing away from Shaymin.

"So… it certainly is nice out here, isn't it?" Arceus started up the conversation.

Shaymin, ever so curious, decided to stay quiet and listen in on the chat.

"I'll say. Beats the Distortion World, any day."

Arceus glanced at Giratina. "Then why do you still like to live there? I mean, you're not exactly grounded anymore."

"I don't know. I kinda hated it at first… but the gravity-breaking, mind-twisting physics and having peace and quiet for a thousand years weren't too bad. But still, it's good to get out once in a while."

Shaymin rolled her eyes. This conversation, she decided, was getting too boring. Perhaps it was time to spice things up. Another one of her ingenious ideas began to take root…

She ran over to a house out of sight from Giratina and Arceus. She began hunting for something hard and heavy.

"Here's one!" she whispered to herself gleefully.

She picked up the brick with great effort (you don't expect a 12-year-old girl / Pokémon to be incredibly strong, do you?) and began to wobble very slowly back to the statue. Shaymin began to hear… sounds that were disturbing to her.

A problem still remained… How was she going to drop it on Giratina's head without him or Arceus noticing? She looked up at the St. Peter statue.

"Looks like I'm climbing." she muttered as she set her foothold on one of the statue's ledges. Another problem presented itself. The next ledge was 6 feet above her, a problem for a Pokémon in a 12-year-old's body.

"Ugh. Uhh. Hm. I got it." She set the brick on the ground, just barely giving her enough height to reach the ledge and pull herself up.

"Yes! Now to…" Then she realized something. The brick was now 6 feet below her.

"This is not my day." she grumbled. At first, she tried to grab it from the ledge but 6 foot ledge – 4 foot tall Shaymin = no brick. Then, in a sheer rare moment of complete stupidity, she hung herself down by her feet in an attempt to grab the brick.

"Almost… got it…"

"Shaymin?"

"Ahh!"

THUNK!

Sonic the Hedgehog's distant cousin finally got her just desserts as she fell face-first onto the brick and knocked herself unconscious. Watching was Darkrai.

Darkrai smirked, ever so satisfied.

"Hmm. You wanted me here, Shaymin. I'm here. Someone lost their brain today. Now, it's time to take pictures and post them on Facebook. But first…"

Darkrai generated a microphone out of nowhere, which he screwed off to reveal a black ink marker.

"This is gonna be SO great."

"…And that's what happened at my millennial birthday party. Apparently, alcohol and 30 legendaries don't make for a good combination."

Arceus stared at Giratina with a completely horrified expression on her face.

"I… I have no words."

"I still need to get on Moltres to replace that mirror he broke. That was my FAVORITE mirror!"

"Wait… how did…?"

"…"

"Rayquaza." the two Legends said in sync.

"But enough about that. That was some good small talk, but Arceus… the real reason that I wanted to talk to you was…"

"…Why do I hear marker scribbling?"

Arceus walked around the statue to discover the source of the noise. Giratina mentally cursed at himself.

_"Damn it, Giratina! You almost had it! You almost told her! Damn it! Damn it! DAMN IT!"_

Arceus uncovered the source of the strange noise.

"…Darkrai?"

"Hmm? Oh, hi Arceus." Darkrai greeted the goddess enthusiastically.

"Why is Shaymin unconscious?"

"Actually, I found her like this. I'm just taking advantage of the opportunity." Darkrai pulled out his cell phone, an old Palm Treo 750, and began to snap photos.

"I hate the resolution on this thing. It's freakin' awful." he griped.

Arceus did Darkrai one (or five hundred) better. She whipped out her brand baby-spankin' new iPhone 4S and began to take photos as well.

"Don't worry about it." she assured him. "I'll post these to BOTH of our Facebooks."

"Thanks, Arceus… Wait. You have a Facebook?"

"Hey, just because I'm thousands of years old, it doesn't mean I can't get with the times."

Darkrai chuckled. "Point taken, Arceus. Point taken."

* * *

><p>Lugia and Kyogre found themselves at the beach, preferring to swim in the Mediterranean Sea than to stay in the hot, sticky sun. They were among many of the tourists who were also swimming in the sea.<p>

"I have to admit," Kyogre said. "I'm kinda glad I got this vacation… even if the author does hate me."

"Speaking of the devil, where is he? He hasn't interacted with us this entire chapter."

"Beats me, but I'm glad I don't have to hear him taunt at me for a while."

"Well, you have it better than Darkrai." Lugia pointed out to her.

Kyogre chuckled. "True."

"Anyway, I'm heading back to the mainland." Lugia told her. "Water's nice, but after living in the sea for 2,500 years, you get a bit sick of it."

Lugia swam back to the shore and his feet made contact with the wet, grainy sand. He smiled softly. No matter what form, Pokémon or human, he would always enjoy the feel of wet sand beneath his feet.

He made his way over to his towel and began to dry himself off. After he was done, he heard a ring to the tune of the Pokémon Gold/Silver wild battle theme come out from his dry clothes in the beach bag. After humming along a few notes, he picked it up and saw the caller ID.

Ticked off, he flipped the phone open and grumbled, "Rayquaza, just WHAT do you WANT?"

"Listen Lugia, I need your help."

"With what?"

"Escaping this mind-numbingly boring tour Latias dragged me onto. Statues… history… so dull…"

"Forget it!" he shouted, wanting Rayquaza to be served a plate of justice for all of his blackmailing. "You can die from boredom for all I care!"

"All right." Rayquaza said coolly. "It's no problem; I'll just…"

Lugia then interrupted Rayquaza with a tone of anger noticeable in his voice. Some passersby turned their attention towards the personified Lugia, even so curious.

"JUST. WHAT?"

"Just post my photographic evidence of you making love to Reshiram on my Facebook. This will completely wreck your friendship with Zekrom, you know? It'll be fun to watch it crumble…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Lugia?"

"Damn you, Rayquaza. DAMN YOU TO THE REVERSE WORLD!"

Lugia couldn't see it, though he knew that Rayquaza was smirking on the other side of the line.

"So, it's an agreement?"

"…Be there in 20 minutes."

*click*

Lugia grabbed his human clothes and ran quickly over to the changing room, griping about Rayquaza and his dirty tactics all the way…

* * *

><p>Pokémon © Nintendo  Game Freak

So, where am I, you may ask?

"More popcorn, Palkia?" I offered to the Legend of Space.

"Sure." he accepted the treat just as our chosen movie began to reach the halfway point.

"What do you think of the movie so far?"

"It's great. Really cute and funny and AHAHAHAHA!" Palkia cracked up again. "He cut the rope into 6 pieces… one of each of them! Heh heh."

"Told ya you'd like the new Winnie the Pooh movie. One of my favorites."

* * *

><p>AN: I'm sorry this chapter shorter than most of mine, but I've been short on ideas. I think I delivered decently but if you guys have ideas, I'd love to hear them.

Edit: Removed the human names at the top of this chapter. They proved to be completely unnecessary as well as inconvenient to be buried in the 6th chapter.


	7. Insults Are Universal

Pokémon World Tour

A/N: You know in the previous chapter I said Zekrom was a photographer like Trip? Well, I'm retconning that. He's back to an inventor to better fit in with his Slaves and Soldiers (another story of mine) persona. But it's not TOO drastic, and I could have a LOT more fun with an inventor…

Chapter 7: Insults are Universal

* * *

><p>"I'm gonna shoot an Aeroblast up Rayquaza's ass… and the author's!"<p>

Lugia angrily marched through the streets of Vatican City, unwillingly navigating his way to St. Peter's Basilica. He was many levels of pissed off for having to come and save Rayquaza from 'dying of boredom'. He was so busy being mad that he didn't notice that he ran into a street vendor selling various trinkets. The poorly made trinkets hit the ground and easily broke.

"Hey! Ciò che è stato fatto? Hai rotto tutti i miei merce! Vite di voi! (What did you DO? You've broken all my goods! Screw you!)" the Italian man yelled at Lugia, with him not understanding a word.

"Dude! What are you saying?" Lugia threw back at him, with no answer in English.

More Italian words came through the vendor's mouth, with Lugia still trying to understand him, with no avail.

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to break all your (cheaply-made) stuff!"

Lugia knew he was getting nowhere by simply talking.

_"Hmm. Wait a second." _he thought._ "Languages aren't universal, but gestures ARE!"_

Lugia tapped the man on the shoulder and turned his hand back to himself, with the man seeming to recognize the gestures. He turned toward Lugia. Lugia gestured to himself again, then took his index fingers and ran them from his eyes, down his face, to try to convey 'I'm sad / sorry.' Then he nodded his head and held his hand over his heart solemnly, to try to imply that 'I feel bad about that.' Then he held his hand out as if to say, 'Forgive me?'

The man, thinking carefully about the gestures and comprehend their universal meaning, finally understood. He shook Lugia's hand in apology.

"That's better." he said in English. Then, before he left, he flashed the peace sign, shaped like a V with the palm facing outward.*

Big mistake.

The Italian yelled again in anger, "Accidenti a te! Sei sfidarmi ad una lotta? Beh, avrai uno! (Damn you! Are you challenging me to a fight? Well, you'll get one!)" He ran towards Lugia quickly, holding a knife that had actually been one of the few quality items he had been selling. Lugia knew he had to avoid a fight; if he ended up using his powers, then the government would get suspicious and detain him. Worse, if they found out that Lugia was a Legendary Pokémon…

…

The Pope will invite him over for tea and biscuits, and then they can chat about the difficulties of their positions in power. Later, Lugia will appear on the news, the British Broadcast Channel, and Saturday Night Live, reveling in the glory of being a Legendary. He will become filthy stinkin' rich, get drunk at bars like all of the other TV stars, and have more sexy Pokemon to fool around with then he ever dreamed of!

…

…

…You guys… DO know that I'm joking… right?

…

…Let's hope so.

Lugia ran as fast as his human legs could carry him. He cursed that he couldn't change back to a Lugia without risking getting captured by the government, and being painfully experimented on.

The angry Italian vendor was catching up, Lugia noticed, and he seemed to have brought a few 'friends' with him. His two 'friends' were much bigger than the angry vendor, standing at 6 to 7 feet tall with bulky muscles and carrying large guns that could cause even the hot-tempered Groudon to shutter in fear. Lugia noticed an upcoming alleyway which he realized he could use to hide and get a sneak attack on the men. He dove in and hid inside a dumpster, waiting for the men to come in and met their end.

Both the vendor and his 'friends' exercised caution as they walked in. "Cerca! (Search!)" the vendor yelled and his 'friends / paid cronies' began their hunt. Lugia, hidden inside the dumpster, began to charge up an Aeroblast. He gave it several seconds for the Aeroblast to come to full power. Once it was charged, he waited for the perfect chance to strike…

"AEROBLAST!" he yelled, jumping out of the dumpster and exhaling all of the air he had taken in through a powerful swirling cyclone of death and terror… and death. Even though he was stuck in a less powerful human forme and with a less powerful Aeroblast, his signature attack was still second to none. The Aeroblast had knocked all three around the narrow alley way, bashing their blood, bones, and brains out on the cold stone walls. They collapsed on the ground. Lugia smirked, satisfied to teach them a lesson.

"That'll teach ya not to mess with the Guardian of the Seas!" He left the alley, only to find himself face to face with…

"Hey! What are you doing out here?"

Lugia gulped, facing the police officer. He had just jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire.

"Oh… hey there, officer." he tried to pass off nonchalantly. "What can I do for…?" Lugia stopped himself mid-question. "Wait a second; wouldn't cops in Vatican City be speaking **Italian** and not **English**?"

"Oh, the author needs me to speak English for this to work."

Lugia's eyes narrowed. In a whisper, he muttered, "Damn you, AuraWielder."

"Are those three people behind you, sir? And are they dead?"

Lugia sweated nervously, all the meanwhile mentally cursing at the author with every single profanity known to mankind (and some exclusive to Pokémon).

"Umm…" he continued to sweat, looking very flustered with his human clothes starting to get damp. "We're… playing. …Make-believe? Cops and Robbers? Chutes and Ladders?"

The police officer walked into the alleyway holding Lugia's left wrist firmly. _"I can't go to jail." _Lugia thought to himself. It wasn't because he was afraid to jail itself, it was because he didn't want to have someone to tell his kids that their daddy's in the big house.

The officer eyed the white spike-haired human. "Mr.…"

"Luke." Lugia told him of his human alias. "Luke Waters."

"Well, Mr. Waters… these men are dead."

Lugia was close to losing it. "…Y-Yes."

"Did you kill them?"

Lugia was silent for a few moments before uttering a truthful "Yes." He shut his eyes, preparing for the worst.

"Well… good thing you nailed these people, boy! I'm doggone impressed!"

His eyes widened again in complete surprise. "What?"

"These vendors have been secretly selling smuggled jewelry made from African child-workers, illegal drugs, and prostitution services. They're part of an international smuggling ring. With them out of the way, we're closer to finding the head honcho. You did great, boy!"

Lugia was grinning sheepishly; silently thrilled that he wasn't in trouble. "Well… thank you, sir."

"I'm takin' it from here. You can leave…"

"Hold up." Lugia said.

The officer turned towards Lugia.

"Yes?"

"Don't I get a reward of some sort? I killed these smugglers you've been hunting!"

"A job well done is a reward itself, Mr. Waters."

"…Yeah, nice try." Lugia deadpanned. "I want my reward."

"You want your reward?" the officer asked.

"Well, duh."

The officer fished out his wallet and tossed Lugia about 10 Euro. Lugia caught the 5 two-euro coins, and looked at them.

"What am I supposed to do with €10?" Lugia asked with a condescending tone in his voice.

"I don't know." shrugged the police officer. "Go buy a milkshake, go feed it to the fish, go give to your girlfriend, I don't care!"

The police officer pulled out his cell phone and called for back-up to come and investigate the corpses. Lugia figured this was his cue to exit the scene…

* * *

><p><em>Back at St. Peter's Basilica…<em>

Rayquaza groaned for the hundredth time as the tour guide explained about the bronze statue of St. Peter in front of them. Latias, holding little Jirachi in her arms, were both enamored as they witnessed the beauty the Basilica had to offer. They wondered out of Rayquaza's distance, who couldn't have cared less about Arnolfo di Cambio and his MAGNIFICENT contributions to blah blah blah…

Rayquaza kept his bored eyes on St. Peter, who he could've sworn that he looked just as bored as him.

"I guess being a statue does that to you…" he found himself muttering. "Want to play a game of cards?"

Of course, the statue being… well, a STATUE, it didn't respond.

"Not a big fan of cards? Don't worry, I'm not either." Rayquaza tried to think up of another topic to talk about.

"So, I'm waiting for a friend to come pick me up. A very LATE friend…You busy?"

"…"

"I getcha. Have to do your job, and be a statue for everyone else to admire. You're lucky. You get people to admire you WITHOUT them trying to catch you. Statues would be kinda useless in a Pokémon battle… well; maybe you could use it to flatten the other team…"

"Rayquaza?"

Rayquaza widened his eyes in surprise. _"Did that statue just talk to me? I must be losing my sanity."_

"Rayquaza!" snapped the voice behind him.

Rayquaza turned around to see a smirking Lugia behind him, swinging a video recorder around.

"What are you doing here?" Rayquaza barked angrily at the Guardian of the Seas.

"You called me over here, dumbass. And I came. And I took a video of you talking to a statue of St. Peter. It was hilarious."

Rayquaza frowned and tried to justify his actions. "It… It's like a boring museum in here! I'm sure Saint Peter would have been just as bored as I am."

Lugia shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know Rayquaza. You just don't seem to have an appreciation for the finer arts…" he said as he motioned to the baldachin of St. Peter, a large Baroque sculpted bronze canopy. In the center of the crossing in the building, underneath its' canopy stood the High Altar of the Basilica.

Rayquaza looked at the baldachin, then back to Lugia, then to the baldachin again, and then back to Lugia. He eventually decided, "Yep, you're absolutely right, Lugia. Now let's get the hell out of here."

"…Nah." Lugia decided. "I like the art here; I think I'll stay here awhile."

Rayquaza was seriously ticked off at Lugia now. He called Lugia to get him out of here, not to keep him here.

"LUGIA! YOU (censored) MORON! I CALLED YOU HERE TO (censored) PICK ME UP, NOT TO (censored) STAY HERE AND STARE AT THESE (censored) PIECES OF SHIT!"

Every single person in St. Peter's Basilica that day stopped and stared at Rayquaza in shock and horror. Though they did not comprehend most of his words, they were very evident of multiple F-bombs, the S-word, and loud volume. Chaos was in store for Rayquaza for defiling these works of art.

Lugia, knowing what was coming next for Rayquaza, stepped out of his vicinity and awaited the inevitable angry mob.

As the angry mob charged towards Rayquaza (and you KNOW how angry mobs get, same in every country), he ran because his life kinda depended on it. A life is important after all… depending on whom it is.

Lugia, who was watching the whole ordeal play out, smirked. "Looks like you're getting your just desserts, Rayquaza. Guess I'll hop on out of here and head to the Gardens. Hopefully, they'll allow a show with me and Zekrom."

* * *

><p><em>Back with Darkrai and Zekrom in the Vatican Gardens…<em>

"Is that Rayquaza running away from an angry mob?"

Darkrai, Zekrom, Arceus, and Giratina (and an unconscious Shaymin) were all together in the Vatican Gardens, watching many angry people chase after Rayquaza.

"Yes, I believe it is, Zekrom." Giratina told him.

"Everybody have their phones?" Arceus asked.

Giratina held up his Blackberry (which was an absolute NIGHTMARE for him to use in Altered Forme). Zekrom and Arceus held up their modern, sleek, top-of-the-line iPhone4S…es. Darkrai looked at his shoddy, pathetic, year 2000 Palm Treo 750. He could've cried. But he didn't because he considered that to be UNMANLY.

Nevertheless, all 4 of them began taking pictures with their cell phones. Zekrom, Arceus, and Giratina all immediately loaded them up to Facebook (because who has a MySpace these days?). Poor Darkrai… his cell phone had no internet access, so he had to use an SD card, and copy it to his computer and upload it that way LIKE A LOSER!

A question did enter Darkrai's head. "Hey, where's the author? We haven't heard from him since the beginning of Chapter 6…"

* * *

><p><em>Back in the real world…<em>

Unfortunately, because I claimed that I owned Pokémon back in Chapter 5, I am currently facing a lawsuit from Satoshi Tajiri and the rest of Game Freak. The trial is in Japan, and a free trip to Japan would be 20% more cooler if I wasn't getting sued. Also unfortunately, I don't speak Japanese. The judge, jury, and Satoshi Tajiri ALL speak Japanese. I am SO screwed…

* * *

><p><em>Back to the story…<em>

Rayquaza kept running as fast as his human legs would carry him. He managed to stay a good distance from the mob, but the mob didn't seem to be growing tired at all. More likely than not, they were pumped by adrenaline over the fact that Rayquaza DARED to defile the magnificent works of art in St. Peter's Basilica. Rayquaza ran through trees in the gardens, the crowded streets of Vatican City, and hidden alley ways near the square. Nothing seemed to deter them. However, they seemed to be falling further and further behind…

Eventually, Rayquaza ended up making his way back to the square. As he ran, he looked behind him and saw the crowd a long distance from him. Now almost a mile away, the crowd had lost their adrenaline and was now walking towards Rayquaza at a slower speed. Even if they reached Rayquaza now, they wouldn't have enough energy left to maim and torture him with.

Rayquaza, thinking that he had gotten the best of them, looked back, smirked, and laughed as he continued running into the square.

He shouted back to them, "Ha HA! Guess you guys couldn't keep up with the mighty-"

POW!

"Uhh…" he groaned. Rayquaza had run into the obelisk head-on (apply directly to forehead) and was left rubbing his throbbing head. Unfortunately, Rayquaza's harsh impact seemed to slightly shift the obelisk.

Rayquaza, realizing what he had just done, tried to use his weight to resupport the obelisk, but he weighed WAY less than the obelisk. It came crashing down, Egyptian hieroglyphics, the tall proud cross… yeah, wave bye-bye to it.

"Uh oh…" he realized. "I'm in for it… I hope Latias knows I love her."

The mob, who was previously tired from chasing Rayquaza, had their adrenaline replenished once they saw the toppled Egyptian obelisk constructed by Cornelius Gallus so many years ago.

It was gone.

And it was HIS fault.

And Rayquaza was going to die.

Lugia continued to watch the event happen from inside the Basilica. He pondered if he should help Rayquaza or leave him to die.

"Hmm…" he muttered to himself. "This IS entertaining… but if he dies, then we have to go ALL of the trouble to make a new Rayquaza." Lugia settled on helping him and dashed out the main entrance towards the plaza.

Lugia made his way to the plaza, seeing Rayquaza ganged upon by many people. Rayquaza couldn't attack the people, lest he reveal himself as a Pokémon. Lugia looked across the St. Peter's Square and saw Zekrom, Arceus, Darkrai, and Giratina.

All 5 of them ran up through the crowd and to Rayquaza. The crowd, ready to do many unspeakable things to Rayquaza, charged on them.

"Hey hey. Come on, guys!" Lugia shouted to the crowd. "We shouldn't be attacking each other like this! What about peace, love, and justice?"

"Vite di pace! (Screw peace!)"

"Vite di amore! (Screw love!)"

"Vite di giustizia! (Screw justice!)"

"Have any idea what they're saying?" Lugia asked the other 'Mon turned human.

"No." said Darkrai.

"Nope." replied Arceus.

"Nada." told Zekrom.

"Zilch." claimed Giratina.

Lugia groaned. "Well, we have two options. Either we destroy them and get captured by the crazy Earth government, or we run like hell."

"Hmm. How bad could capture be?" Darkrai pondered.

Lugia held him by the throat and told him, "Dude. Do NOT talk to me about how bad capture could be. Do I REALLY need to go into detail about Lawrence the 3rd again?"

Everybody groaned. Lugia had a habit to bring up Lawrence the 3rd and the time he tried to capture Lugia very frequently. This encounter was the reason Lugia strongly protested to capture. Not to mention, capture by the government would be FAR worse than capture by a clueless 10 year old.

"All in favor of running like hell back to the airplane?"

Everyone raised their hands.

"Then let's run like hell."

They ran as fast as their human feet would carry them, heading back to Fiuminico Airport.

* * *

><p><em>Back at the Vatican Gardens…<em>

Shaymin was finally stirring. She blinked her eyes and snapped back to consciousness.

"W-What happened?" she asked herself. She moved her hand over her face and saw a black substance. "A-And why do I have marker on my…"

"…"

"DARRRRRRRKRRRRRAAAAAAAIIIIIII!"

"Oh, there you are, Shaymin."

She turned around. It was nothing other than the pink fetus transformed to girl-with-pink-hair Mew.

"Mew! You traitor! You humiliated me!"

"No, I just brought Darkrai here like you requested. That's the only thing we agreed on. I am not responsible for your future and complete humiliation on the Internet."

Shaymin's left eye began to violently twitch. Mew wisely backed up a few steps.

"Where's. Darkrai? That. (censored). BASTARD!"

"Oh, he went with Zekrom, Arceus and Giratina to save Rayquaza from being killed by an angry mob. Oh, and I ALSO do not hold any liability for any additional embarrassment caused by Zekrom, Arceus, and Giratina taking pictures with their phones."

Shaymin mentally added 3 more Pokémon to her 'hit list'.

"Oh, and pay up. I did my part of the deal. Now you have hold up yours."

Shaymin muttered curse words to herself that I dare not repeat, lest the rating of this fan-fic go up to M. "Fine. The candy's in the back of the airplane."

"That's good. Everyone else is probably making their way there to avoid death by angry mob."

* * *

><p><em>Back at the Mediterranean Sea…<em>

Kyogre had finally come in from the sea, drying herself off and grinning to herself.

"Haven't had that much fun in the water since I made Groudon take a bath!"

Parting her hair behind her ears so it would look good to any nearby Italian hotties, she was about to walk over to the volleyball and join in a round when her cell phone rang. Smirking in delight over hearing her ringtone (a recording of Groudon screaming in horrible pain), she picked it up and answered it.

"Hello."

"Uhh… hey there, Kyogre!" Lugia shouted over a loud background noise. "Great to talk… whoa, hey! Don't throw that chair at me, please!"

"Lugia? What's going on?"

"Well… OWW! You really want to OOF! know?"

"You're consistently owwing, oofing, and shouting over a loud noise. I have a right to know."

"Long story short, Rayquaza knocked over a giant stone stick and we're running an angry mob!"

"…Why are you telling me this?" yawned Kyogre, who couldn't really care less.

"Because we're heading back to the airport and get out of here before we all DIE!"

"What about your stuff at the hotel?"

"I told Jirachi to go ahead and teleport our suitcases back to the airplane! He doesn't do anything but sleep anyway! Get over to the airport, A.S.A.P.!"

"But…" muttered Kyogre.

"BUT WHAT?" shouted a now non-levelheaded Lugia.

"…But I wanted to meet the Pope."

"You're not Catholic!"

"It still would've been awesome."

"AIRPORT! HALF AN HOUR!"

Click.

"Geez, why does Lugia have to get on my case…?" Kyogre sighed as she grabbed her stuff. She changed back into regular clothes in the dressing room. Then, she walked over to the road at a small parking area by the beach and tried to hail a taxi.

"Taxi!" she yelled. No one stopped.

Kyogre was more than a little ticked off. "TAXI!" she yelled louder, with many taxis simply passing by her.

"Damn it!" she shouted. "How can I get their attention…?"

After a few minutes of thinking, she came up with an idea, but not one her mother would approve of…

"That'll work."

She walked a bit closer to the street, dropped everything she was carrying, and then proceeded to take off her human forme's clothes. She was left only wearing a bra and undies. Needless to say, within less than 10 seconds, a taxi pulled up next to her and the young male taxi driver offered her his services.

The taxi driver was staring at her body in awe.

"Is t-there…" he stuttered. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Why yes." she nodded, stepping into the taxi cab. "Can you take me to Fiuminico Airport, please?"

"Whatever you want, hot stuff."

The taxi driver then put the pedal to the metal and switched gears to turn around and head for the airport. Kyogre, while the driver was… well driving, rolled up the window between the driver and passenger rows. She then went ahead and switched back to her regular clothes.

"Works like a charm." she congratulated herself.

* * *

><p>"We're gonna die!"<p>

Zekrom, Rayquaza, Arceus, Giratina, Darkrai, and Lugia continued to run from the mob. One thing they had to give the mob credit for, they never seemed to run out of energy. The mob was close to catching them and all seemed lost…

"You guys AREN'T dying today!"

Zekrom pulled something out of his jeans. In his hands was… a TV remote?

"Zekrom, what are you going to DO with that?" Lugia asked his friend.

"You'll see." Zekrom turned around and was now running backwards. While he was, he changed a few setting on the remote and pushed a few buttons.

"And… now!" he pressed the POWER button on the remote, activating it. Through the tip of the remote came a blue force field quickly moving towards the crowd. The second it touched the lead person in the crowd, the field expanded and enclosed the entire crowd inside. Everyone stopped running and stopped to catch their breath.

Arceus panted heavily, usually out of character for her. "Thanks… Zekrom…"

"No problem. You guys go ahead to the airport; I need to stay here for the inventor's convention."

"Nice job, Zekrom." congratulated Rayquaza. "You really saved our asses there."

Zekrom began to walk away from the other 'Mon when Rayquaza used this opportunity to ruin Lugia's life.

"Hey Zekrom!"

Zekrom turned back to face Rayquaza.

"Yeah?"

"As a friend, I thought I should tell you…"

Lugia's eyes widened. He knew what Rayquaza was going to say. "This is going to be oh so much worse than Lawrence the 3rd."

"…That your so-called 'best friend' Lugia slept with your fiancée!"

Zekrom's former look of understanding and care turned into one of hatred, death, and violence… and more death.

"LUGIA. YOU… DID… WHAT?"

Lugia quickly tried to justify it. "You were in a fight with Reshiram that night, and we were at Giratina's party, and she was lonely and I…"

Zekrom's epic stare of hate did not change as Lugia tried miserably to justify his actions.

"I'm dead, aren't I?"

"THAT. Is the understatement of the century."

* * *

><p>Within 15 minutes, Kyogre's taxi had arrived at the airport. She stepped outside and took her stuff.<p>

"Thank you very much for the taxi ride." she politely thanked the taxi driver.

"Aww… gosh. It's no problem, ma'am."

"Wait." Kyogre realized. "Shouldn't you be speaking Italian?"

"Well actually, ma'am, I'm an American immigrant who came here for…"

"Yeah, I don't care." she told her driver. She took her items and walked to the airport.

* * *

><p>Mew, Jirachi, and Shaymin were already at the airport, waiting for the other 7 to come.<p>

"I swear…!" Shaymin screamed, loud enough for the airport to hear. "I'm going to (censored) kill that BASTARD Darkrai for HUMILIATING me if it's THE LAST (censored) THING I DO!"

Many of the people at the airport looked strangely at her, but once she gave them the evil eye, they backed off pretty quickly.

Jirachi rolled his eyes, one of the few legendaries not afraid of Shaymin's wrath. "Shaymin…"

"What!" she barked at him.

"Maybe you should take Arceus's advice and get some professional help…"

"I don't NEED professional help! Shouldn't the way I handled that psychologist say ANYTHING about not needing help?"

"Well…" muttered Jirachi. "You certainly don't need help when it comes to slowly torturing someone to death…"

"And they NEVER found the body!" she bragged.

Latias was busy pacing back and forth around the airport terminal, wondering if Ray-Ray was OK.

Mew was too busy anxiously waiting for the other 7 to come back so she could access her candy to really care about… Shaymin's psychological issues.

Only a few minutes later did Lugia run into the airport at super-speed, with Zekrom close at his heels.

"I'm going to maim you and torture you in the slowest and most violent way possible!" Zekrom yelled.

"Now that's MY kind of guy!" Shaymin cheered.

Lugia was quick to grab his suitcase and jumped a good 10 FEET over the terminal check-in out of complete fear. He dashed towards the airplane (with the… thingy… still attached) and probably wouldn't have escaped Zekrom's clutches if Zekrom wasn't blocked by airport security.

"I'm sorry, sir." the Lt. Surge look-alike came up and told him. "You'll have to wait at the back of the line and be patient. We'll verify your passport then you can go kill your friend."

Zekrom sighed. "Sorry, I can't. I gotta head back to that inventor's convention…" He turned around and left the airport.

Lugia, noticing that he was safe, went back to the terminal and properly checked-in to avoid any legal trouble. He met up with his friends there.

"So…" Arceus sighed. "Anyone else sick of Vatican City?"

Everyone's hands went up in the air.

"All right then. Let's get out of here."

With all of the chaos finally coming to a close (for this chapter), the 10 Pokémon properly checked-in and reboarded their private airplane. Once they were there and shielded from human eyes, they transformed back into the Pokémon Formes.

"Glad to actually see my tail again." smiled Lugia.

"Great to NOT touch the ground." said Darkrai.

"I like candy!" announced Mew.

"…"

"…What?"

Everyone on the plane groaned.

"Now that all of that chaos is over…" mentioned Kyogre. "Where do we go next?"

Arceus sighed. "I guess we'll have to let the readers decide for us this time…"

* * *

><p>* - AN: The V sign with the palm facing outward, usually meant to show 'peace' or 'victory' has a completely different meaning in Italy. While the 'V' sign is harmless in the U.S. and Japan, in the U.K. (including Italy), it is essentially the equivalent to saying 'F**k you.'

A/N: Also, Darkrai's model of cell phone… is mine. It's seriously crummy, the battery drains way too easily… the list could go on.

A/N (x3): To fans of Jirachi, I am SO sorry that I haven't found a good way to incorporate him yet. 3 chapters and out of everyone, he's had the LEAST lines. I'll try to come up with something…

A/N (x4): Boy, this is a lot of author's notes. Regarding Arceus' last comment; I'll put a poll with real-world countries for you to decide for them where they go next. The poll will be up until New Year's Day, so until then, have a Merry Christmas / Hanukkah / Kwanzaa!


	8. The Troubles with Windows Vista

Pokémon World Tour

Chapter 8: The Troubles with Windows Vista

* * *

><p><strong>"GUESS WHO'S BACK?"<strong>

"Oh no." muttered Arceus. "I was hoping you just disappeared on us."

**"ARE YOU KIDDING ME? THIS IS MY STORY; WHY WOULD I LEAVE YOU GUYS HANGING?"**

"So… where to next on my nightmare come true that you call a 'World Tour', Mr. Author?" Darkrai sighed. He slowly turned to the always psychotic Shaymin, who seemed to be disappointed that Zekrom didn't get the chance to brutally kill Lugia. Darkrai was glad that Shaymin's targeting cursor was off him, if only for a little while.

"Man…" she sighed dejectedly. "I was so looking forward to feasting on Lugia's entrails…"

Everyone looked at her, extremely creeped out by that statement. They all took several precautionary steps away from her. Lugia sighed, knowing he was also now on Shaymin's 'hit list'. He could pray to God / Jesus / Mohammad / Vishnu / Morgan Freeman / (insert any other deity here), but it would do him NO GOOD.

"Well," began Latias. "I think our time in Vatican City was certainly… romantic, wouldn't you agree Ray?"

Rayquaza looked around at the faces of all of the other Legendaries, some of which were smirking and other snickering.

"Umm… yes, it was very romantic." he said quickly and hastily. He continued looking around before he mentally decided that after everything was done, he would take Latias to his room for some… 'playtime'.

Elsewhere in a private section of the plane, Giratina was talking with the great and mighty Author and not to mention completely demolishing the fourth wall with an atomic bomb.

"So, why were you missing all through last chapter? I kinda missed having you around."

**"…YOU'RE NOT HITTING ON ME, ARE YOU?"**

"Oh, no way. That's all sorts of wrong of bestiality. Besides, this is Pokémon, not Sonic Next-Gen. But that's beside the point, where the heck were you?"

**"LONG STORY SHORT, I GOT CAUGHT IN A LAW-SUIT WITH GAME FREAK WHEN I SAID I OWNED POKEMON. I HAD TO TRAVEL TO JAPAN TO DEAL WITH THE MATTER. I DON'T SPEAK JAPANESE, SO YOU CAN IMAGINE HOW WELL THAT TURNED OUT."**

"Oh, bummer."

**"DOESN'T MATTER. I DEALT WITH THE ISSUE AND I DECIDED WHERE YOU GUYS ARE GOING NEXT, ACCORDING TO THE POLL. JUST TELL ARCEUS THE PLANE'S ON AUTOPILOT."**

"So where is it?" Giratina asked.

He was met with complete silence.

"Hello? Aura…" he stopped himself mid-sentence when he realized what the great and powerful author did. "You disappeared on me, didn't you?" Giratina sighed. "Oh well, I guess time will tell… or Dialga if she was here."

* * *

><p>Back at the main hallway of the plane…<p>

Turns out everybody starting arguing over where they should go next not shortly after Giratina left. Rayquaza was still vying for Mexico while Latias was going for Paris, a place that was… safer… than Mexico. Kyogre wanted to go to Antarctica, but NOBODY would support her vote. Lugia went the opposite way and argued that Hawaii was the perfect place. It had sun, sand, and a giant ocean for him. Plus, what other place on Earth has cute blue alien monsters? Mew wanted to go to Candy Mountain, which Arceus tried (and failed) to explain to her that Candy Mountain only exists in a popular internet sketch. And out of all the places Shaymin could pick, why on Earth would she suggest NORTH KOREA?

Arceus sighed, not wanting to be on this trip any longer. "Man," she muttered dejectedly. "I just want to go home, snuggle up in my bed and watch a few episodes of My Little Pony on YouTube with Giratina."

Immediately, everyone dropped what they were doing and looked at Arceus like she had gone insane. If she and Giratina were enjoying a show about animated ponies, then it was safe to call them 'certifiably insane'.

"Uh, did I just say that out loud?" she realized, quickly becoming embarrassed.

"Uhh… yeah, you… kinda did." Lugia snickered, trying not to burst into laughter.

Arceus growled, and then thought of a way to get back at her son for embarrassing her. "Shut up. At least I don't have a hard drive full of naked females."

Everyone then decided to turn to Lugia and leave him feeling extremely awkward. "Don't be ridiculous, Mom! I'm not like that!"

"Come on, Lugia." Kyogre said to him. "Don't play the innocent game here. We all know you better than that."

"Lugia, you're a guy." Arceus stated, continuing her deception. "It's natural to have those impulses. But my son is NOT going to remain an addict of this… despicable nature."

"But Mom! I don't even HAVE porn!" Lugia tried to defend himself.

"Suck it up, Lugia." Rayquaza said to him, joining in on the fun. "Do what it takes, man up, and wipe the files off of your computer."

"Speak for yourself, Sir Let's-download-pictures-of-Pokémon-in...!"

Rayquaza cut him off. "Hey, at least I'm not crude enough for naked 'Mon. Besides, Latias convinced me to delete the files anyway."

"Convinced, nothing." Jirachi snarked. "She threatened you at Dragon Pulse point to clear it out!"

"I still did, didn't I?"

"Only because your life and girlfriend were at stake."

"Nobody asked you, Jirachi. Since when did you start getting bigger roles in this story anyways?"

"Since the author said last chapter he wanted me to have a few more significant roles in this story." Jirachi told Rayquaza upfront.

"Whatever."

"Anyways, Lugia." Arceus addressed the Guardian of the Seas. "You clear that hard drive full of all that crap or else I'm taking your iPod and putting only Justin Bieber songs on it! And I'll weld the ear buds to your head! On. Constant. Repeat."

Lugia could scream in such frustration. "I DON'T. HAVE. PORN! WHY THE HELL WON'T YOU GUYS BELIEVE ME?"

He ran screaming down the hallway, wondering why nobody would believe him. Why would nobody believe him? Why did they think he had something so repulsive?

"That's that." Arceus smirked, satisfied with herself. "Now…"

"Hey guys." Giratina said as he walked into the main hallway where the rest of the Legends were. "I saw Lugia running by me really fast towards his room, screaming at the top of his lungs. What got into him?"

Arceus grinned mischievously. "Nothing you need to worry over, Giratina. Now back to the matter at hand. Where are we going next?"

"Are you SURE we can't go to North Korea?" Shaymin asked the goddess again.

"Yes, Shaymin. I'm absolutely one-hundred percent SURE."

Shaymin began to pout. "Fine…"

"Uh, Arceus. I have something… important to tell you."

Arceus' eyes widened. _"Is he… Is he actually… Is he going to say it right here and right now?"_

She turned around to face Giratina, adjusting the wheel around her mid-section. "Umm… uh, yes Giratina?"

"I need to tell you something."

_"This is it! He's going to say it!" _she thought excitedly.

"…The author told me to tell you to put the plane on autopilot. He'll be steering the plane to our next stop."

"… And I lo-," she stopped herself after realizing it WASN'T a love confession. "Wait, what?"

"I said to set the plane on auto-"

Arceus sighed. "Yeah yeah, I heard you, Giratina."

_"So much for that…" _she thought glumly in the back of her head. _"Maybe some other time."_

"Anyways…" she addressed the Legends (minus Lugia). "I guess I'll set it on autopilot then. Giratina, did the author tell you where the autopilot will take us?"

"I tried to ask him, but then he just disappeared on me."

"Great. He could just be taking all of us to our dooms in North Korea. Well, I guess I'm off." she left the main hallway to go to the cockpit and set the autopilot, leaving all of the other Legends minus Lugia behind.

Kyogre left the main hallway as well, and started towards Lugia's room.

"Uhh, Kyogre?" Rayquaza asked his watery counterpart. "Why the heck are you heading for Lugia's room?"

"Please, Rayquaza. Lugia, Legendary Guardian of the Seas or not, is still a guy. And most guys typically DON'T want to get ready of all their porn willing; he'll try to copy it onto a flash drive. So I figure he'll need some… persuasion."

"By persuasion, you mean you plan to take Shay's iPod full of crappy pop songs and force Lugia to listen to it until he agrees to wipe his porn?"

"That's pretty on the mark, congratulations."

"But we were just messing with him. I went along since I wanted back at him for beating me to a pulp in that stupid rap battle."

"Wait, I'm lost. You were lying to him?" Kyogre stated.

"Yeah, Lugia's a cool guy. He wouldn't do anything like that."

"Rayquaza, on the other hand…" Latias began.

"Uhh, no one needs to know about that honey."

"Wow." Shaymin realized. "That was pretty mean for Arceus. I'm so proud! Maybe I should try carrying out that threat…"

"That would be kinda funny…" Rayquaza admitted. "But I think we've abused him enough for right now. Hey Latias…"

"Yeah, Ray?"

"How about we retire to my room for the moment? We could play a few… 'games'. And… 'enjoy' each other's company."

Latias giggled innocently. "Sure, Ray-Ray." The two began to depart for Rayquaza's quarters.

Rayquaza groaned. "Do you REALLY have to call me that?"

Latias rolled her eyes. "Of course I have to. Now you have everything all set up in your room, right?"

"Indeed, I do."

"Good. I can't WAIT to beat you to a pulp!" Latias said gleefully. The way she said it left some of the other Legends feeling slightly afraid of her.

"Not if I beat you up into an unrecognizable pulp FIRST!" Rayquaza smirked. That statement by Rayquaza also left some of the guy Legends wondering just what the HELL were those two going to do? The two left the main hallway, leaving Mew, Shaymin, Jirachi, Kyogre, Darkrai, and Giratina by themselves.

"Uhh… are they going to do what I THINK they're going to do?" asked Giratina nervously.

"I don't think they'd do THAT." Kyogre stated. "Then again, it's Rayquaza…"

"Whatever they're doing, I'm staying out of it." said Darkrai. He began to walk (hover?) towards his room. "If you need me, I'll be in my room listening to country- I mean heavy metal."

"But you can't do that!" Mew pointed out happily.

"WHY NOT? I WANT ISOLATION!"

"You left your luggage in Vatican City, 'member?"

Darkrai's eyes widened. He raced back to his room in fear of losing all of his possessions… including his teddy bear. He arrived and searched through the drawers, behind the TV, high and low… and nothing. He came up with nothing.

"No. It has to be here." he told himself, refusing to believe it. "It can't be in Vatican City."

"But it is." Mew confirmed. "I saw you dash onto the airplane thinking Shaymin was after you, but you left a big black luggage bag behind. Wow, that was a lot of alliteration!"

"No." he realized in horror. "No. NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! EVERYTHING! MY CANCELLOR! MY iPOD! MY TEDDY BEAR! MR. SNUGGLES!" After that, Darkrai promptly broke out in tears. "Mr. Snuggles…" he whispered. He crawled up into his bed and got underneath the covers, crying himself to sleep.

"Aww, poor Darkrai." Mew sighed. "Oh well, time to go bug Shaymin about that candy she promised me!"

* * *

><p>Back in Lugia's room…<p>

"I hate you, Mom."

Lugia was in his room staring at the wall, trying to forget the humiliating experience his mother and the other Legends gave him. He turned to the wall of his bedroom, hoping for solace.

"You understand me, right Mr. Wall?"

The wall, being a wall, did not respond.

"Great, I'm talking to a wall and I'm going clinically insane. Someone shoot me."

The wall, being a wall, had no gun to shoot him with.

_"Why would Arceus go out of her way to humiliate me like that? I'm not dirty; I'm not like that." _he thought as he took out his laptop, booted it up, and watched one of his downloaded movies (that absolutely wasn't pirated and was legally paid for). Specifically, Twilight: Breaking Dawn. Lugia didn't find the series dramatic at ALL, but its' failed attempts at drama are something he found hilarious.

The movie continued until it halted midway.

"Huh?" he mused. "What happened?" Lugia tried fast-forwarding the movie slightly forward, but that didn't work. Annoyed, he tried to skip to the next scene, but that didn't progress the movie an inch. Eventually, his computer froze on him.

"…the hell's happening?"

He tried repeatedly moving the mouse and jamming on the keyboard (and no, I don't mean playing the piano), but nothing would work. Finally, a screen that everybody dreaded came up on his laptop. The Blue. Screen. Of. DEATH!

The screen read: 'Windows Vista has had one or more of its' required files critically damaged, because you had to go be an idiot and download movies without legally paying for them. Now, thanks to your stupidity and obliviousness, the computer now has a deadly virus that is eating the computer alive. All files will be destroyed.'

'Serves you right, you moron.'

Lugia's day couldn't get any worse. First he's accused of having porn, and then his computer pulls off the dreaded Blue Screen of Death on him and is deleting EVERYTHING he put on there. His pictures, his documents, his music… gone.

"CURSE YOU, WINDOWS VISTAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

And the lesson for the day today kids is to never download movies illegally! Or else your entire hard drive will CRASH AND EPICALLY FAIL ON YOU! This lesson was (not) sponsored by the I.A.F.L.L., the Imaginary Association for Learning Lessons!

Now back to our main program.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, Mew was currently bugging Shaymin over the candy she promised her. She was busy trying to sort through her 'hit' list and choosing who to go after next when Mew came in.<p>

"Hey, Shaymin! Shaymin! Shaymin, what about the candy? The candy? I want…"

"Mew, shut up before I stuff my flamethrower in your mouth."

Mew shut up.

Shaymin sighed. "Just give me a second to sort through my 'to kill' li- I mean my birthday wish list!"

"'K."

Five seconds later…

"CANDY CANDY CANDY CANDY CANDY CANDY CAN-!"

POW!

Mew looked behind her to see the wall with a bullet jammed in and the drywall cracked. She turned back towards Shaymin, who was holding a gun in her hand.

"That was a warning shot. Next time, you won't be so lucky." she smiled at Mew sweetly.

Mew shook nervously (and understandably so). "Umm… All right, then. I'll… go get the candy myself."

"You go do that."

Mew zoomed out of Shaymin's room as quickly as she could, hoping to avoid her wrath. She would never forget what happened to that poor psychologist that only tried to help the murderous, destructive Shaymin. May he rest in peace and pieces.

As Mew flew by Rayquaza's room, she could hear a groaning sound coming from it. Curious, she put her ears to the door to listen to more of the strange sounds.

The words were muffled through the thick door, but she could make out various groans and moans. Just then, Giratina passed by her.

"Hey Mew." he asked. "What are you up to?"

"I'm listening to funny noises on the other side of Rayquaza's door." she answered.

Giratina returned a puzzled expression on his face. "What kind of 'funny noises'?"

"Come listen to them, they're really weird."

Giratina put his ear on Rayquaza's door to get a better listen to what was going on. Indeed, he could hear various groans and moans coming from the other side, along with some… very excited cheering. Giratina began to get a pit feeling in his many stomachs as he had a sneaking suspicion to what was happening on the other side of the door. This pit feeling and suspicion only grew worse when he could identify Latias' voice shouting,

"Yes! Yes! I BEAT you! I BEAT you SO hard!"

This was only made worse by Rayquaza's groaning, and then a sigh.

"I guess this is why I love you, Latias." he purred.

Giratina's eyes widened as he stumbled away from the door in complete shock. He knew what they were doing. Sure, he thought Rayquaza _might _be interested in something like that given his nature, but Latias? No, she can be _tricky _but… she couldn't be _that _naughty. It was just too unbelievable.

"So Giratina?" Mew asked the Renegade. "Do you know why the funny noises are coming from Rayquaza's room?

_"I think I do…" _he said to himself quietly in his head.

"Umm, no." he lied to Mew. "I absolutely have NO idea what on EARTH could POSSIBLY going behind the door! Nope! No way, no how!"

Unfortunately, Giratina was a horrible liar.

"Giratina, I may be silly and crazy, but I'm not stupid." she confronted the Renegade Pokémon. "You're a horrible liar."

Giratina sighed. "Yeah, I know."

"So what ARE the funny noises coming from Rayquaza's room?" Right as she said that, the groans and moans escalated into screams and cheers. Giratina winced, thinking about what was going on just behind that green-colored door.

"Umm…" Giratina didn't want to say to Mew directly, on account of how _awkward_ that would be. "Umm… just open the door and see for yourself, I guess."

"OK then!"

Giratina was extremely hesitant, but he and Mew opened the door (which, to their surprise, was unlocked). Peeking inside, he and Mew looked around to see Latias and Rayquaza snuggled in bed shouting at the top of their lungs…

…playing Super Smash Bros. Brawl.

Giratina's jaw dropped to the floor. Playing Brawl wasn't exactly what Giratina thought they were doing…

"Oh cool!" Mew shouted. "You guys are playing Brawl!"

Latias and Rayquaza paused their game when they noticed Mew and Giratina come in.

"Oh, hey Mew. Hey Giratina. Latias and I just started another round of Brawl. Care to join us? We have the GameCube controllers…"

"Sweet!" shouted Mew as she grabbed one of the GameCube controllers, forgetting all about her candy… for the time being, anyway.

"Want to join us, Giratina? Oh wait… you don't have hands. Well, you could just play with us in Human Forme…"

After Giratina was able to pick up his jaw from the ground, he responded to Rayquaza.

"Uhh… umm… no thank you." he declined. "I'm just gonna… head to my room."

"Suit yourself." Latias shrugged as they reset their current match to let Mew play. Giratina removed himself from the green serpent's room and walked down to his, feeling quite discomforted.

* * *

><p>And now we cut to Kyogre.<p>

Kyogre is busy taking a bath in her Human Forme, since it was the closest thing to a body of water on the airplane.

Since I would royally suck at describing a naked bath scene, we will cut _away _from Kyogre.

Her eyes widened, "Wait, what about-"

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, with Arceus…<p>

Arceus was in her room, busying watching Friendship is Magic on her laptop, enjoying the Season 2 Premiere on YouTube when suddenly…

*RING RING RING*

She sighed as she paused the video and looked at the Caller I.D. It was her son, Palkia.

"This better be important." she thought grimly to herself. Since she did not have hands, she levitated the cell phone up to her ear and flipped it open.

"Hello?"

"MOM! MOM! YOU'VE GOTTA HELP ME!" came a shrill, scared voice, barely identifiable as Palkia's. Roaring could be heard in the distance.

"Palkia." Arceus sighed. "Just why the hell are you attempting to burst my eardrums?"

"Just hear me out, Mom!" he begged, sounding incredibly desperate. He started screaming as Arceus heard… something rather large approach him.

Arceus rolled her eyes (which of course Palkia couldn't see). "Fine, but make it quick. I have IMPORTANT business to attend to!"

Palkia stopped his frantic screams. "Wait." he muttered. "What 'important business' could you have to attend to in a freakin' fanfic about touring the world? Would this have anything to do with watching-"

"That's none of your business, Palkia! Now… what were you going to say, dear son?"

Palkia had to recollect his train of thought (it was somewhere 500 miles away) for a minute and then remembered what he had to tell her. "Oh right, DIALGA SENT ME BACK TO THE PREHISTORIC TIMES!"

"Palkia… shouting." Arceus harshly reminded her son.

"Oh yeah, sorry. But can you blame me?"

"Well…"

"Hold on one second, Mom."

After Palkia said that, the voice on the other side became muffled, presumably from covering the phone. However, Arceus could still make out many screams of pain and cries for mommy. Eventually, Palkia came back on.

"Sorry about that." he apologized. "I had to… uhh… go kill a dinosaur."

"Right." Arceus answered, not buying a word of it. "How did you get stuck in the past, anyways?"

"Well… I… sorta… kinda… got into a fight with Dialga… again."

Arceus groaned. "You two were fighting over whose turn it was to having the living room TV weren't you?"

"It was MY turn, though! I wanted to watch Star Trek, but nooooooo…"

"And the point of you calling me is…"

"Can you please come pick me up, Mommy?" whimpered Palkia.

Arceus sighed. "I guess I can – wait a second. If you're in prehistoric times, how on EARTH are you getting cell phone reception?"

"Uhh… well… hmm. I don't know, actually." Suddenly, the line disconnected and Arceus lost contact.

"Hmm. I guess that's what happens when logic comes to play." And then Arceus went back to watching a show about ponies like nothing ever occurred.

* * *

><p><em>Pokémon © Nintendo  Game Freak_

_My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic (c) Hasbro_

Yay! Got a chapter uploaded on my Birthday!

Anyway, thanks for reading, and as always, please be sure to review!


	9. Arrival! Australia!

Pokémon World Tour

Chapter 9: Arrival! Australia!

* * *

><p>"WHYYYYYYYYY…?"<p>

Darkrai was still in his bed, crying, with tears pouring out. His moaning and sobbing was beginning to get on everybody's nerves, though they thought it was best to just leave him be.

"Mr. Snuggles…"

**"OH, I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE."**

Darkrai sat up in his bed, looking around, trying to discover the source of the magical voice.

"Who's there?" he asked.

**"IT'S ME. THE AUTHOR."**

"What are you doing here? I thought you ditched us, what with you appearing so sparsely as of late."

**"WHO ELSE IS GONNA WRITE THE STORY?"**

"Well…" he sighed, curling up his le-… never mind. "OK… I just…"

**"LISTEN UP!"**

Darkrai looked all around the room he was in, but could see no one.

"Yeah?"

**"FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING GOOD IN THE WORLD… IF YOU PROMISE TO STOP FREAKIN' CRYING… I'LL GIVE YOU BACK THE STUFF YOU LOST."**

"Really?" he said, with hope in his voice.

**"YES. I DON'T USUALLY DO THIS, BUT I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! SERIOUSLY, YOU COULD FLOAT THE ARK WITH ALL THAT WATER!"**

"Can you blame me? I lost everything. I feel so hurt…"

**"HURT? OH, FOR THE LOVE OF… THINK OF THE STARVING CHILDREN IN AFRICA! THAT'S **_**HURT. **_**THEY **_**HAVE **_**NOTHING! ****ARE **_**YOU **_**STARVING TO DEATH IN AFRICA?"**

Darkrai looked at the ground, muttering softly under his breath. "I… I'm sorry. Am I being selfish? All I wanted was Mr. Snuggles back… I've had him since I was a baby."

**"JUST… BE GRATEFUL FOR WHAT I'M GIVING BACK TO YOU. I'M JUST TRYING TO SAY THAT ARE PEOPLE WORSE OFF THAN YOU."**

POOF!

Suddenly, Darkrai's suitcase materialized in front of him. He quickly opened it up; discovering that everything he had packed was still in there. He smiled softly.

"Thanks, Aura. That's… nice of you to do. I'm… grateful."

**"YOU'RE A NICE GUY, DARKRAI. KINDA COLD AND ALOOF AT TIMES, BUT HEY, AT LEAST YOU'RE NOT SHAYMIN PSYCHO!"**

Darkrai laughed."I take your point. Speaking of Shaymin, I wonder how she's doing."

**"HMM? OH, DON'T WORRY ABOUT HER. LET ME TAKE CARE OF THAT."**

"What do you have in mind?"

"…"

"Aura? AuraWielder?" Darkrai sighed, realizing the author was gone. "I hate it when he disappears like that…"

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, with the local psycho Shaymin…<p>

"Now where did I put that flamethrower?"

Shaymin was scouring through her room, looking for the flamethrower that she had unpacked. She checked the closet, under the bed, through the drawers… and still no flamethrower.

"Dammit." she cursed. "Where is that freaking thing?"

Taking a second look around her room, she still failed to find it. For that matter, she couldn't find any of the weapons, explosives, or torture devices she had already unpacked.

"I could've sworn I put that flamethrower right next to my mace in that top shelf…"

"…AUTHOR!" she yelled at the top of her lungs.

**"YES?"**

"Where are my belongings? They're not where I put them, and I KNOW you have something to do with it."

**"WHY, WHATEVER MAKES YOU THINK THAT?"**

"I'm not stupid. I know that you actually feel bad for Arceus having to put me on this trip. You're helping her."

**"NO, I'M…"**

At that moment, Shaymin looked under the bed, and found something that eluded her eyes at first glance. Grinning evilly, she pulled it out. It was a bomb, with various buttons and settings on it.

"Well well, would you look at that!" she taunted me.

**"…DAMMIT! I KNEW I MISSED SOMETHING!"**

"So I was right. It was you! But no matter, you're going to give me my stuff back or ELSE!"

**"OR ELSE WHAT?"**

"I'm gonna blow the plane up, stupid." she said, messing with the bomb's settings.

**"UM, UH, SHAYMIN, MAYBE YOU SHOULD RECONSIDER THIS? AREN'T YOU BEING KINDA EXTREME?"**

"Nope." she said, trying to set the timer.

**"BUT THINK ABOUT THIS! YOU'RE GOING TO KILL EVERYONE ON THIS PLANE BEFORE THEY CAN STOP YOU!"**

"I know." she said, preparing to start the bomb.

**"YOU'LL DIE TOO!"**

She stood there momentarily, slowly comprehending the flaw in her plan."(censored) IT!" she cursed, throwing the bomb out the window.

"Stupid logic."

* * *

><p>With Rayquaza, Mew, and Latias…<p>

"Yes! I beat you again!"

Rayquaza was about ready to throw the Wii Remote outside the airplane window. In human forme, he was a Brawl Champion 3 years running in Hoenn… but then again, that might be because Latias never even entered. She was much too modest to compete.

"This is so humiliating…" Rayquaza muttered to himself. "Beaten by a pink cat with a sperm tail and my own girlfriend."

Latias looked over to him. "And what's wrong with that?" Rayquaza was about to snip in a sexist comment, but remembered what Groudon horribly suffered from in the first chapter, and promptly shut his mouth.

"Eh, let's do something else." he said. "Anyone up for a round of 'Keep Humiliating Lugia'?"

"I have to wonder," Latias muttered. "Why DO you hate Lugia so much? Didn't you already do enough with the Schlitterbahn incident? And getting him accused of porn?"

"YEAH!" Mew cheered. "Lugia's not that bad of a guy!"

"He humiliated me with that damn rap battle and almost pounding me to a pulp. Now, the playing field is in my advantage, and I intend to keep it that way."

"Oh boy, what do you have planned now?" Latias asked.

Rayquaza only responded by flying out of the room and into the hallway, presumably looking for Lugia.

"Well, if you can't beat 'em…" Latias flew in the hallway after her boyfriend, deciding she could join in on whatever prank the green serpent had planned.

Mew, by herself, began to think. Unfortunately, that required too much effort and went for the next best option.

"Time to raid the kitchen!"

She dashed out into the hallway and flew in the opposite direction, towards the airplane's kitchen. There, she found a plethora of food on the dining table, enough to feed an army, but set up for two. Delicious pancakes, roast beef, steaming hot Combusken, and many other foods were arranged on the table. Mew flew around, looking at the huge variety of foods.

"No two Pokémon could eat ALL of this, not even two starved Feraligatrs!" Mew told herself. She looked around the dining area and the nearby kitchen, but didn't see anyone. "It… couldn't hurt to have… one bite."

As Mew gorged herself on the irresistible food, she never noticed that behind a nearby closed door were Arceus and Giratina, too busy making out to notice.

"Oh, my snuggle-wuggle-huggy-buttons…" Arceus whispered as she nuzzled with Giratina's neck.

"Oh, my smoochy-woopy-poo…" Giratina softly said as one of his ghostly streamers stroked Arceus' fur.

Kyogre, whose room they had infiltrated after a love confession, looked at the scene before her with disgust. She noted that technically, Arceus was making out with HER CHILD. Of course technically, EVERYBODY in the 'Mon universe was Arceus' children. It was less that fact, and more about the nauseating NICKNAMES.

"Oh huggle-muffins…"

Kyogre was on the verge of vomiting. "OK, please. STOP with the nicknames. Seriously, NOBODY uses those kinds of nicknames."

**"WELL, YOU'D BE SURPRISED…"**

"Shut up, you're not helping my case."

**"…OH, WELL THAT'S SOMEWAY TO THANK SOMEONE WHO…"**

"Hey, hey, Mr. Author. Stop for a second." she told him, and then turned towards Arceus and Giratina. "You too, lovebirds."

Giratina groaned. "Why do you have to interrupt our…"

Giratina stopped protesting once he, Arceus, and Kyogre all heard the sound of loud chomping and smacking coming outside the door.

"What is that?" Arceus asked.

"I hope it's not Shaymin feasting on Lugia's entrails." Giratina muttered. "Who's gonna check it out?"

"I vote Mom." Kyogre stated.

"Yes, daughter. Thank you for voting me to be the sacrifice." Arceus grumbled.

"Hey! You understand sarcasm now!" Giratina cheered.

"And your reward is… island banishment!" Kyogre quickly uttered as she pushed her mother out the door, then locked it.

Muttering bad words under her breath, Arceus finally figured that she wasn't getting out of this. "If it's Shaymin…" she whispered to herself. "Those two better prepare my funeral."

Cautiously, she walked a short distance in the hallway and peered from behind the corner into the dining area. She wasn't a happy Pokémon.

"MEW!"

The pink cat fetus turned around to see the giant goddess goat. "Oh hey Mom! Uh… I mean sis! Um, uh… aunt? Second cousin once removed? Hmm. How DOES our relationship work anyways?"

"I don't know! Ask Game Freak, and then get back to me! But that's beside the point. Just… why are you eating all of this food I set up?"

"Oh, that was YOU! Don't worry, I'm just…"

"Checking it for poison? Nice try. I've heard that one a BILLION times."

"…I was gonna say analyzing it for any sign of toxic substances that may be of harm, but that works too!"

"Oh, Mew!" Arceus sighed. "I worked really hard on that. Can't you just give me a break?"

"OK!" Suddenly, Mew pulled a bag out of absolutely nowhere and began to rummage through it. "I know it's in here somewhere…"

As Mew hunted through the bag, she tossed many items behind her. These included: the Holy Grail, the 18 and a half missing minutes of Watergate, the key to Atlantis, a Portal Gun, the Queen of England's Crown Jewels, a cupcake, and the number 42.

"I call dibs on the Portal Gun." Giratina claimed.

"Here it is!" Mew cheered. She yanked out another item from her mysterious bag. It was a car brake.

Arceus facepalmed. Well, that is, she would've if she had hands. "Mew… that's… not what I meant."

"Then what DID you mean?" she asked Arceus with an innocent look on her face.

Arceus, unable to resist the cuteness, simply sighed. "Never mind, Mew. Just… get out of here and go back to your regular antics. I guess I'll just clean all of this up."

Mew left the room and Kyogre went back to hers'. Giratina decided to stay behind and help Arceus clean up Mew's mess.

"Can't believe that Mew…" she muttered as she levitated a good number of dirty dishes to sink to rinse off. Giratina, using his ghostly streamers, picked up the silverware.

"Hey Arcy."

"Yeah?"

"Sorry Mew ruined all of your hard work."

"It's not your fault." she told him as she put the dishes into the dishwasher. "You're not the one who made Mew's ferocious appetite. In hindsight, I _probably _should've hidden the food…"

"It's not that bad. When we get to… wherever we're going, you want stop by a local restaurant or something?" Giratina asked.

"That sounds nice. Unless, of course, the author listened to Shaymin's suggestion of North Korea." Arceus realized. "Then we're all doomed."

"Relax; I don't think he's THAT evil."

Arceus chuckled somewhat nervously as they continued to clean the kitchen. As they did, the duo kept themselves entertained with small talk.

"So… you love me." Arceus stated. "Kinda really sunk in after a while."

"Yeah, I think we were too busy making Kyogre gag to really… see it."

Arceus focused her eyes on Giratina. "Still, think about it. Technically, you ARE my child, since I created you."

Giratina thought about this for a second, the implications sinking in. "So… in a way… we're promoting… incest?"

"…"

"…"

"Oh gross!"

"Yeah, it doesn't really count!" Giratina said quickly. "It's been thousands of years anyway!"

"Right. Thousands of years." Arceus reassured herself.

"…"

"…"

"So…" Giratina muttered. "…Wanna get hitched?"

* * *

><p>Latias and Rayquaza were sailing through the airplane's hallways, on the way to where Lugia was.<p>

"Come on, Latias. Lugia should be in the ship's living quarters."

As the two continued, a question entered Latias' mind.

"So, remind me again…" she muttered. "HOW exactly do you know where Lugia is?"

"…Cause… I'm just that smart?"

"Have you been breaking the fourth wall again?"

Hiding a hammer and various other construction tools behind his back, Rayquaza mumbled,

"No."

"…Right." she deadpanned, not buying it. "Let's just keep going. What do you have in mind, anyway? And it better not involve those construction tools…"

"…Of course not, darling." he said innocently.

_"Damn it. I was SO looking forward to cutting off his wings with that hacksaw…"_

"And making him into roast turkey?" Latias finished for him. The two stopped at that moment, with Rayquaza left feeling awkward.

"…"

"…"

"…I HAD to pick a girlfriend that could read minds." the green serpent sighed. "Hey, at least **I **was planning to make him into something delicious. Shaymin, on the other hand, she would've done something worse like, like, slicing him up and putting his entrails into cupcakes!"

"Ah, come on. Nobody's THAT crazy!"

Rayquaza shrugged his shoulders. "Whatever you say…"

Lugia and Jirachi were in the airplane's living quarters. Lugia was lounging on the large couch, surfing through the TV channels not finding anything of interest.

"Junk, junk, more junk, sports junk, cartoon junk, London Olympics junk… oh look, Lindsay Lohan's in jail again."

"No surprise there." Jirachi said, not impressed.

"More crap… Geez, there's nothing good on." he muttered, shutting off the TV. Lugia turned towards Jirachi, who was busying reading a book.

"Hey Jirachi. Whatcha reading there?"

"Solving Logarithmic and Exponential Equations." he said, looking up at Lugia. "It's very interesting. You see, you take…"

At that point, Lugia had already fallen asleep just from the title of the book alone. Jirachi rolled his eyes, and then went back to his book.

"Non-intellectuals…"

At that moment, Latias and Rayquaza had arrived. Jirachi turned up to look at them.

"Hey lovebirds." he addressed the duo. "Whatcha doing?"

"Planning to prank Lugia."

"This better not involve mutilation."

Latias glared at Rayquaza, who muttered, "It used to… but not anymore."

"Well, you're still a step above Shaymin." he said. Muttering under his breath, he added, "Crazed, psycho-bitch."

"Anyway," he uttered audibly. "Don't let me stop you." The Wish Pokémon then resumed reading his equations.

Latias and Rayquaza hovered over to the sleeping Lugia, and tried to think of a way to embarrass him.

"So… what do you have in mind?" Latias asked. Before Rayquaza could answer, she added, "That doesn't involve the mutilation or murder of Lugia. Seriously Ray, all he did was embarrass you at the worst."

Rayquaza floated in the air, thinking for a moment. "Fair enough. Let me think of something."

5 minutes later…

"Yeah, I got nothing." he said. "And you, Latias?"

He turned around to see Lugia still sleeping, though decorated as a clown with a giant rainbow-colored afro, an apple in his mouth, tied with ropes, and his face looked like as if a 5-year-old girl used it as a canvas.

"Good enough for you, Ray?" the Eon Pokémon smirked.

"Oh, far better than that." he grinned, pulling up a camera phone. "This is SO going on my Facebook."

* * *

><p>A few hours later, Arceus had called everyone to the airplane's main hallway. She evidently had something important to announce.<p>

"I HAVE SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO ANNOUNCE!"

Everyone there covered their ears, hoping to save them.

"Mom…" pleaded Kyogre. "Please turn off the caps lock."

"Sorry, I just always wanted to do that!"

"…"

"Anyways, we're supposed to be landing soon. At least, that's what the author told me."

"Landing WHERE exactly?" asked Rayquaza. "The author hasn't told us ANYTHING about where the hell we're heading. He COULD, at the very least, do THAT!"

"I swear," said Darkrai. "If it's North Korea, then I'm just gonna jump out of the plane, OK?"

"It's not." reassured Arceus. "The author said he wouldn't dare do that."

Shaymin frowned. Pulling out a piece of paper, she now added the author to her 'hit list'. …Wait. The AUTHOR? Oh crap.

"As I was saying, we're headed for the land down under."

"…"

"…So… where's that again?" wondered Giratina.

"Australia, you doofballs." muttered Jirachi. "Do ANY of you guys know ANYTHING about this planet?"

"…"

"Anything at all?"

Kyogre thought for a minute. "Well… it's mostly water, right?"

"I… think it has 6 continents… or was that 7?" muttered Rayquaza.

"Santa lives the North Pole; I know that for SURE!" bragged Mew.

"Oh, you guys have SO much work to do." Jirachi sighed. "Here."

Jirachi pulled some books out of thin air and handed them off to all of the other Legendaries. "Here's your homework. Read these World Geography books and study up on this planet."

"Homework?" scoffed Darkrai. "What are we, a bunch of teenagers?"

"I refuse to do this!" griped Rayquaza.

"This is preposterous!" complained Giratina.

"I LIKE CHOCOLATE MILK!"

Everyone looked at Mew, not very amused and a bit ticked off.

"What?" she asked.

Jirachi sighed. "Fine." He instantly caused the books to teleport away. "You don't have to. But don't come crying to me if you get lost somewhere!" He was about to leave when Giratina interrupted.

"HOLD ON!" shouted Giratina. "What was the point of this meeting again?"

"All of you guys realize that this meeting serves no other purpose than to fill up the author's word count." explained Darkrai.

"You're right, Giratina. We HAVE been getting off track, haven't we?" Arceus pointed out. "I suppose at this point, we do what we always do."

"Bitch at each other?" Shaymin said.

"Yes. That AND we go into human forme."

5 minutes later since the author absolutely does NOT want to go through describing their appearances again…

"Well, that's over with." said Giratina.

"I still question the author making my human appearance that of a Latino guy with green hair." Rayquaza said.

"Well, I think you're attractive." Kyogre complimented. "You know, we could do pretty great together…"

Latias overheard the whole thing and looked at Kyogre with death written in her eyes. In a deep, scary, guttural voice, she said, "He's taken."

Kyogre stared back at her, fighting the intimidation. "Oh, I'm sorry." she snarked sarcastically. "I didn't see YOUR name written anywhere on it!"

"Oh, I'm Kyogre." Latias mocked. "And I'm allowed to steal men from under women's noses!"

"Cat fight! Cat fight!" Shaymin started chanting.

"Cat fight! Cat fight!" Darkrai joined in.

"Cat fight! Cat fight! Cat fight! Cat fight!" Eventually, everyone barring Giratina was chanting 'Cat fight!' Even Arceus was, and she even took bets on who would win.

"My money's on Latias." Rayquaza said, throwing in a few dollars into the pot.

"You kidding?" Darkrai said. "Kyogre's got this in the bag!"

**"OH BOY."**

"Hey, so there you are again, Aura." Giratina said. "Yeah, this probably won't turn well. We should really do something."

**"ARE YOU KIDDING ME? THIS IS GONNA BE FREAKIN' AWESOME. IF ONLY THIS WERE REAL, THEN I COULD ACTUALLY RECORD IT."**

"…You're pathetic, you know that?" Giratina sighed.

After pacing around the circular arena the crowd gave them, Latias and Kyogre jumped at each other, clawing and biting and scratching and punching and everything else.

**"AND IT LOOKS LIKE KYOGRE GETS THE FIRST HIT IN! OH, BUT LATIAS QUICKLY RECOVERS! KYOGRE TRIES TO AIM A WATER SPOUT AT HER BUT MISSES! TALK ABOUT MAKING A SPLASH! LATIAS DODGES IT AND LAUNCHES A DRAGON PULSE AT KYOGRE! A CRITICAL HIT! IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE!"**

**"THE WINNER IS…. LATIAS!"**

"Oh yeah, in your face, you stupid dolphin!"

"I'm an ORCA!" Kyogre yelled back at Latias. Kyogre pushed herself back up and dusted off. "Fine. Whatever. You can keep him. Besides, I think the Regis are still available."

Darkrai and Jirachi grumbled as Rayquaza took the entire pot, being the only one out of the three to bet on his own girlfriend. "You guys should really know Latias better than that…"

Mew looked out the window of the airplane. "Hey Arceus?"

"Yeah, Mew?" she asked the pink cat in human forme as she finished distributing the pot to Rayquaza.

"So, we're supposed to land in Australia, right?"

Arceus walked over to her.

"Yes that we are."

"Well… I see kangaroos and koalas. And wildlands."

Arceus also noticed that the plane stopped moving. "Well… I guess in all of our excitement, we landed in Australia."

Darkrai peeked out the window as well. "Not a very modern part of Australia. I'd guess we landed in the outback."

"…THE AUTHOR PUT US IN THE OUTBACK?" yelled Arceus.

"Mom…" muttered Kyogre. "Caps Lock control."

"Oh right. Well, let's just reconfigure the plane to a more… civilized part." Arceus walked over to the cockpit and tried to set for a modern Australian city. Unfortunately, the controls seemed to be frozen.

"What the hell? Why aren't these working? They should…" Her eyes widened. "Damned author. Why did you have to do this?"

**"BECAUSE IT'S FUN! COME ON! YOU'LL ENJOY THE OUTBACK! I'LL LET YOU LEAVE AFTER A WHILE."**

"But… please?"

**"NO."**

"Pretty please?"

Silence. She was met with complete silence.

"I hate you."

Admitting defeat, she walked back to the other Legendaries and explained the great and mighty author's deal.

"Well…" mentioned Latias. "Maybe it won't be that bad."

"The outback!" shouted Giratina. "I didn't think… but I'm scared of spiders! And kangaroos!"

"You never told me," said Arceus. "How did you get to be so scared of spiders and kangaroos anyways?"

"Let's just say it involved a giant spider, an inflatable kangaroo, one of Mewtwo's experiments going horribly wrong and…" he shuttered. "Let's leave it at that."

"…OK then. Well, we're not getting any younger." stated Arceus. "Let's bail."

* * *

><p>About one hour later…<p>

"Mmf!"

Lugia found himself decorated as a clown with a giant rainbow-colored afro, an apple in his mouth, tied with ropes, and his face was drawn on.

"Mmf!"

_"Who did this? Wait.."_

"Mmmmm… Mmf!"

_"That's it. When I get out of here, Rayquaza is SO freakin' dead!"_

* * *

><p><em>Pokémon © Nintendo  Game Freak_

Yes! Finally... after so long, I finally got a new chapter of World Tour up. I sincerely apologize; a lot has been going on in my life, and I'm just... trying to deal with it. However, a new chapter is up, and I hope you enjoy it! As always, R&R!


	10. I'm Not Afraid

Pokémon World Tour

Chapter 10: I'm Not Afraid

* * *

><p>"So… where exactly are we going?"<p>

9 Legendary Pokémon (except for Lugia, who was mysteriously missing) were walking through the Australian outback to only the author knows where. They were in normal forme because there was no fear of human discovery. Vast wildlands, marsupials, and tumbleweeds surrounded the –

"Wait, tumbleweeds?" Jirachi realized. "I thought the author was the one writing this nightmare. Shouldn't he be doing better research?"

**"OH…" ***goes to Wikipedia for 5 minutes and comes back*

**"RIGHT. TUMBLEWEEDS. NOT IN AUSTRALIA. GOT IT."**

Suddenly, the tumbleweeds in the outback mysteriously disappeared.

"Didn't you ever pass World Geography?" the Wish Pokémon snarked.

**"YES! I GOT AN 'A' AVERAGE FOR YOUR INFORMATION!"**

"…"

** "I'M JUST LAZY."**

"Right." Rayquaza muttered. "Let's go with that. Now back to something that actually matters. Like my question."

"Hopefully, we'll find civilization." Arceus told Rayquaza. "Maybe, by some miracle, we'll find someone who can fix the plane."

"Most of us can fly out of here, you know…" the serpent grumbled.

"It's a cheap plot device." mumbled Darkrai. He hugged Mr. Snuggles, as Darkrai thought he'd get lonely in the plane all by his little self. "A cheap, stupid, idiotic plot device."

"For once, we agree on something." Shaymin told her mortal enemy.

"Hey, has anybody seen Mew?" Arceus asked. "I noticed she was missing. Just want to make sure she won't blow up the world or something."

"Who even CARES about this world?" Kyogre rolled her eyes. "I wouldn't mind seeing it destroyed."

**"*ahem* I'M STILL HERE, YOU KNOW. AND LET'S NOT FORGET ABOUT SATOSHI TAJIRI."**

"Oh… yeah."

Giratina looked around, actually being the only one to bother searching for the cat fetus.

"See her."

Arceus turned to Giratina. "Where is she? Hopefully, not with candy."

"She's playing with some sort of… mutant Kangaskhan."

All of the Legendaries turned around to see Mew playing in the pouch of a kangaroo, an animal that the Pokémon were unfamiliar with. They slowly and cautiously approached the creature.

"What is it?" Latias asked curiously.

"…A Kangaskhan, maybe?" Darkrai posed.

"Kind of weird-looking for a Kangaskhan… Never seen one that's red, either. Shiny coloration?" Rayquaza said to himself.

Mew, who looked up from the odd creature's pouch, suggested, "Maybe it's a Kangaskhan that founds its' way to this world and then fell into a vast of toxic waste!"

"Come on, Mew." Arceus said. "No one would be dumb enough to do that! Now get out of there!"

"But… but I like it."

Then, Mew looked up to the goat with the biggest, cutest, and most adorablest puppy dog-eyes on this side of the universe.

"Prwwty pwease?"

Arceus tried to resist the cute eyes and 'wittle w's', but failed once more.

"Nice." Jirachi snarked. "You created the Pokémon Universe and you STILL can't resist puppy dog-eyes?"

**"WELL, IN ALL ACTUALITY, THAT WAS REALLY GAME-"**

"SHUT UP!" she snapped at both of us, once again abusing the Caps Lock control. "Fine, Mew. Feel absolutely free to take the mutant Kangaskhan with us."

"Yay!" shouted Mew as the kangaroo jumped for joy. Arceus began to walk away, which Giratina noted.

"Arcy? Where you goin'?"

The llama-goat sighed. "I'm going to go wallow in self-pity… and in whatever else it is goats and llamas are supposed to wallow in."

"You mean in mud?"

"Ew, no." Arceus looked around. "There's some grass over there. I think I'll go wallow in that instead."

* * *

><p><em>Meanwhile…<em>

Again, the BRILLIANT author is feeling too lazy to narrate the story (and is currently playing Harvest Moon). So, someone else will be interacting with the main characters. Take it away… Groudon!

Groudon, thinking mischievously about what he could do, sat in the author's computer chair (and broke it).

"Oops."

The author looked up from his DS and towards him. "Yeah, that's what you get for weighing 2,000 pounds."

"Dumb Weight Watchers." he grumbled. "Now do you want me to narrate, or would you rather I bring in Kyurem?"

The author's eyes widened nervously. "Ehh… better the sexist than the druggie."

"I thought so."

Instead of sitting down like he wanted to, Groudon stood up as he faced the computer, wondering what chaos he could bring to the World Tour characters.

"I got it…" he said, grinning evilly.

* * *

><p><em>Meanwhile (again)…<em>

"Dammit, Rayquaza…" Lugia muttered. He had finally managed to get himself free from the ropes he had been tied up with. He went to the bathroom to watch the clown makeup on his face off.

"When I find you, Rayquaza, I'm going to murder you. And I will get Shaymin to help." Grabbing the nearby towel, he dried his face and left the bathroom.

It was at this moment that he finally noticed that something was amiss in the plane. The Pokémon were seemingly absent. He started to look in the Pokémon's rooms for any sign of them.

"Rayquaza?" he called out, checking his room. Nothing was there, except for a round of Brawl still left running. He shut the door and decided to check a different room.

"Jirachi?" Again… no one was mysteriously there. He shut the door again, muttering to himself.

"I swear, this better not turn into some horror B-movie…"

He found himself still roaming the plane, hoping somewhere in the back of his mind that something like zombies, or ponies, or… Arceus forbid… MARY SUES didn't come and take them.

"Guys!" he shouted. "If you're playing a game with me, it isn't funny!"

"…"

"… Mary Sues didn't come and steal your souls, right?" he asked, rather worried.

"…"

"…Hi there!"

"…Groudon?"

"Yep!" came a booming voice from nowhere. "It's the one and only, Master of Earth, Protector of the Universes' Guys, Groudon!"

"…I'm not even going to ask why you called yourself 'Protector of the Universes' Guys. And where are you anyways? You didn't come onto this World Tour with us…"

"Oh, the author was lazy – I mean, kind enough to let me host for a little while."

"You're – You're with the author?" Lugia stuttered. "You mean… you're at his computer? Deciding what happens?"

"Indeed I am! And the Protector of the Universes' Guys rules your destiny! Tremble before my power!"

"…Groudon."

"…Yes?"

"Go back to wood carving."

"Nah. I want to have a little fun with the story but… I will… EVENTUALLY!"

Lugia stood in a corner of the plane, with his hands over his face. "Why?" he muttered. "Why God, why?"

"Well, you better find something interesting to do so this story can get back to being funny."

"Funny for you, maybe." Lugia sighed. "Can you at least tell me where everyone in the plane went? Did the Rapture happen or something?"

"Well, I can tell you that their souls WEREN'T stolen by Mary Sues."

"That's a relief." Lugia assured himself.

"However…" Groudon pondered. "The future is always a possibili-"

"NO!" Lugia screamed. "NO! God no! Groudon, I will kill you personally if you EVER turn this into one of those fics where I get it on with a Mary Sue!"

"It'd be hilarious! And besides, I could handle you!"

"I'll get Shaymin to help!" Lugia threatened.

"…" Groudon was silenced. "Never mind." he muttered meekly.

"That's more like it." Lugia smirked. "Now, for the last time… WHERE THE HELL IS EVERYONE?"

"All right, all right. Turn it down a few decibels." Groudon groaned. "You guys landed in Australia. The wildlands, or the Outback to be precise."

"Australia?" Lugia walked up to one of the plane's windows and looked outside. The ground was brown and dusty. Plantlife, however, was plentiful… in the form of shrubs. Some wildlife such as kangaroos and koalas were also visible. After a few minutes, he stepped back from the window.

"OK… the Outback is nice… I guess. But I kind of expected to see the Sydney Opera House, or something like that. Why couldn't the author drop us off at some place more… you know, modern?"

"For fun." Groudon replied.

"…The author's pathetic."

"Yeah, I'd have to agree."

"Well, there's really no point in staying here." Lugia decided. "I'm going to go look for them."

"You're going to go look for them by yourself?" Groudon gasped. His tone then turned serious. "But… can you handle yourself? Face the perils of the outback? Kangaroos, koalas, and Legendary Pokémon? Can you rise to the challenge?"

"Don't worry, Groudon." Lugia assured him, putting on a pair of shades he got from thin air. "Because… I'm not afraid."

* * *

><p>*GIANT MUSICAL NUMBER TIME!*<p>

He stepped off of the plane and began to sing.

_I'm not afraid (I'm not afraid)…_

Some of the nearby kangaroos heard him start to sing and hopped over to him.

_To take a stand (To take a stand)…_

Some koalas also heard the song continue. They crawled up to him and Lugia thought that they were cute. He picked one up as he continued.

_Everybody (everybody), come take my hand (come take my hand)…_

The kangaroos and koalas came closer and the kangaroos hopped in tune with Lugia. Both of the species took Lugia's hand.

_We'll walk this road together through the storm…_

Their hands started to swing together.

_Whatever weather, cold or warm…_

And it started to sound like a Disney song.

_Just lettin' you know that you're not alone…_

Butunfortunately…

_Holla if you feel like you've been down the same road…_

This was absolutely NOT a Disney song.

"Okay, quit playin' with the-"

"Lugia?"

Lugia took his shades off to talk to the all powerful mysterious voice of DOOM!

"Yeah, Groudon?"

"…Shouldn't you be looking for the others?"

"…But." Lugia muttered. "Bursting into song is fun."

"This isn't Disney!"

"Yeah, because what I was singing was totally Disney!" Lugia's voice spat, dripping with sarcasm.

"Dammit Lugia! I'm a guy! I have needs! I have women that I NEED to degrade! Now get your sorry ass moving!"

Lugia grumbled. "You have to ruin my fun, don't you? Fine!"

Lugia turned to the animals, who were looking at him puzzled. "Rehearsal's over, guys."

The animals sighed in disappointment and left Lugia by himself.

"So much for my big musical number…"

* * *

><p>Lugia left the plane after his musical number was ruined. He ventured through the outback, wondering where the other Legends could be.<p>

"Yo, Groudon!" Lugia shouted.

"Yes?"

Lugia looked at the wildlands surrounding him, seeing only shrubbery and the occasional wildlife for miles around. "Can you at least point me in the direction I'm supposed to go? You're writing this, you should know!"

"I could… but that would be boring."

Lugia scowled. "So, you're just going to let me wonder around the Australian outback for all eternity?"

"Relax; you'll get to them eventually. Besides, there's plenty in store for you this chapter…"

"Groudon? What do you mean by that?"

"…"

"Groudon?" Lugia then realized what Groudon did. "Oh, come on! Don't back out on me! COWARD!"

"…"

Lugia grumbled to himself. "Great. Just great. First, Zekrom tried to kill me back in Vatican City. Then, Rayquaza hogties me in the plane while I'm asleep. FINALLY, Groudon robs me of my big fancy musical number. CAN THIS GET ANY WORSE?"

**"OH LUGIA. POOR NAÏVE LUGIA. YOU JUST DON'T EVER SAY THAT."**

"Oh. You're back. Still have Groudon with you?"

"Yep, I'm right here."

"Dammit!" he shouted. "So, you two are going to make my life hell for the rest of this chapter, aren't you?"

**"WELL…"**

Suddenly, the sky turned dark. Clouds took up the sky and it began to pour heavily. Lugia gritted his teeth. "Of course. Of course. You're right; you should never say those words…"

Then, he got struck by lightning.

**BZZZZZZT!**

Lugia looked up at the sky, his body sizzling. "You know, I really hate you."

**"I'VE BEEN GETTING THAT A LOT. I DON'T THINK IT'LL CHANGE ANYTHING, THOUGH."**

"One act. Just one act of kindness." Lugia pleaded. "Please. I'm begging you."

**"GROUDON? YOU WANT TO…?"**

"I might as well. I'm not THAT cruel. Unlike SOMEBODY else here."

**"BUT IT'S FUN TO BE CRUEL!"**

"…Yeah. Anyways, Lugia." Groudon addressed him. "You listening?"

"Yeah, my ears are ready to do what they're meant to do."

"Just up ahead is a clan of the Australian Aborigines. You're in the Southern Territory and in one of the reservations, where some of them live."

"Really?" asked Lugia, his interest now perked. "Who are they anyways?"

"They're the people native to Australia. Sort of like the Native Americans, they're pretty similar. Some of them live life in major cities and towns with other Australians, and others prefer to keep their old ways on reservations."

"…How do you know all of this?" inquired a suspicious Lugia.

"The magic of Google, that's how."

"As I thought."

"Anyways, if you find them, they may be able to help you on your way. At the very least, I'm sure they'll be happy to lend you supplies."

"…Should I go in human forme? I mean, I don't want to scare them half to death."

"It certainly wouldn't hurt." Groudon recommended.

Lugia took a few moments to ham it up, and dance around as he changed into human forme. He majestically and skillfully maneuvered himself across the wildlands. The winds were conjured by him and they ferociously broke apart the sands. He could've been a contender on Dancing with the Stars.

**"LUGIA… WHAT A HAM…"**

Lugia took it even further by using the winds to propel him in the air. A vortex that stayed under him slowed his descent as he took himself forward. Deciding to opt for one last act, a giant gust of wind blew him high into the sky. He could see the entire landscape around him for miles and miles.

"I feel so alive!"

Then, he somersaulted down as fast as possible to the ground, projecting himself forward. The speed continued to increase, and the ground started to come closer and closer. At the last second, his feet hit the ground perfectly. He used the momentum left over to jump a fair distance into the air and back onto the ground again.

**"WAIT… HOLD ON! THAT'S NOT HOW PHYSICS WORK!"**

"This is a fanfic." Lugia reminded the author. "Anything can happen."

The author analyzed Lugia. **"DID YOU EVEN TURN INTO HUMAN FORME?"**

Lugia looked at himself. Apparently, he was so busy with his tricks and physics breaking, that he ACTUALLY FORGOT to transform into a human. The sound of a palm hitting a head could be heard in the vast desert.

"Right. Of course." At this point, he just snapped his fingers and instantly went into human forme. "That's better."

It was just now did he notice what was in front of him. People. People with very dark skin. Unlike Lugia had thought they would be, both the men and women were dressed in relatively regular clothes. They still had a few distinguishing features separating them from the traditional Australian, though. The men lacked shirts wearing only shorts and they had paint on their chests and faces. Lugia didn't quite know what it was supposed to mean, however. The women wore both shirts and dresses, which were very elaborate and beautiful. However, both men and women seemed quite surprised at what they had just witnessed.

"You…" Lugia chuckled nervously. "You didn't see any of that, did you?"

"…"

* * *

><p><em>And during this time (you thought I was going to say 'meanwhile', didn't you)…<em>

"Are you done wallowing yet?"

Arceus got up from the grass. "Yes, Rayquaza. For your information, I am done wallowing. A lady must take her time on these kinds of things, you know."

"You were there for an hour!" the serpent griped. "I could've flown across the earth 52 times in the period you spent wallowing!"

"Well, I'm DONE now, am I not? What is your issue?" Arceus replied, beginning to lose her patience.

"My issue is that my mother is wallowing in grass like a GOAT!" Rayquaza snarked. "Oh, wait a second…"

"OK, do you want to-"

"Guys!" Darkrai interrupted. "Neither of you are helping with the problem here. That is, weren't we originally setting out to get someone to repair the plane?"

Arceus and Rayquaza's eyes' widened.

"…You forgot about all of that, didn't you?"

"Of course not!" the two replied in union, being totally right and totally weren't lying through their teeth.

"Then let's LEAVE."

Arceus grumbled to herself as the group continued on, hoping to find some sign of civilization.

"Coming from the little kid who drags around a teddy bear…"

**AUTHOR: *clutches his teddy bear***

* * *

><p>3 hours later…<p>

"OH COME ON!" shouted Shaymin. "3 (censored) HOURS, AND NO (censored) SIGN OF OTHER HUMAN LIFE?"

Shaymin looked behind her to see an interesting sight, with two figures making out with each other.

"And quit making out under the airplane. We can all see you."

Arceus and Giratina looked up and sighed.

"Uhh… heh heh. Sorry to have our fun interrupted again." Arceus tried to apologize.

"No problem." Giratina answered her nonchalantly. "Want to head into the plane?"

"It would be better for some… much needed privacy." The two walked into the plane, leaving the other Legends by themselves.

"Finally." said Sonic the Hedgehog's distant psycho cousin. "I thought those two would never stop being all 'mushy wushy lovey dovey.'"

Latias approached Shaymin. "But Shaymin, love can be a very beautiful thing when you discover it for the first time." she said, while glancing at Rayquaza.

"Shut your pie hole, Latias."

Everyone glared at Shaymin after she said that.

"What do you mean?" Latias asked her. "What do you have against love?"

"It doesn't exist. Love is stupid. The fairy tales are feeding you complete shit. Love doesn't exist. There, I said it." Then, Shaymin turned to Latias, challenging her. "And what are YOU going about it? Cry like a baby? You know, like when your brother croaked?"

All color drained away from Latias' face the instant Shaymin said that. The poor thing was not expecting that, and Latias was about to cry. The death of her brother was something she was never comfortable bringing up except when consoling with Rayquaza. Speaking of which…

"I'll show that little monster how much love REALLY hurts." Rayquaza uttered to himself, ready to charge. Darkrai, strangely enough, was the one holding back Rayquaza.

"Whoa, Rayquaza!" he said. "I know you want to kill her, but…"

"But what?"

"…Don't you think we should try to talk things out?"

"This is Pokémon! We solve things with violence!"

"Just give me a second, let me talk to Shaymin."

"But she hates your guts!" the serpent pointed out.

"I know. But one chance."

"…Fine."

Darkrai calmly walked up to Shaymin and began to chat.

"Hey there, Shaymin." he greeted her politely.

"What do you want, asshole?"

"Do you think you should've really said something so derogatory about Latios like that? I mean, that was… really, really… REALLY insensitive."

"…So?"

"What do you mean, 'so'?"

"Why should I care?"

"Because…" Darkrai thought of a reason why Shaymin should care. "…it's the nice thing to do?"

"…Really? That's your reasoning? You have failed, Darkrai. You have failed to sway my opinion." Then Shaymin turned back, facing away from the rest of the Legends.

"…You really don't think you should apologize?"

"Nope!"

"…"

"Hey, let me talk to her." Darkrai turned behind to see Latias.

"You sure, Latias?"

"Oh, believe me; I think I know the right words to say."

"Go for it." Darkrai told the red Lati.

Latias hovered over to Shaymin. She turned to the others. "Umm, you guys might want to go inside the plane…"

The other Legends looked around confused. Rayquaza knew what Latias possibly had in store.

"Uhh… believe me, guys…" Rayquaza said to the rest of the Legends. "We REALLY might want to go inside the plane. I'm not joking."

Darkrai, Kyogre, Jirachi, and Mew with her mutant Kangaskhan, looked at Rayquaza and realized that THIS THING WAS ABOUT TO GET REAL. They all quickly retreated to the plane, and Arceus and Giratina realized that they were never going to get any privacy in this fanfic.

"So… Shaymin."

Shaymin looked onto Latias, with no sympathy in her glare.

"Yes?" said Shaymin, not caring.

"Let's… talk."

"…Fire away."

"I think you should apologize. As Darkrai said, what you did was very hurtful and insensitive."

"Lady, 'insensitive' is my middle name. It's on the papers: 'Shaymin the Insensitive Hedgehog.' Mom knew that since I was born."

"Then maybe you should get it legally changed. I'm only going to say this one more time. Maybe you should apologize. After all, do you really want to do anything to you like I did to Groudon?"

"Groudon? Please. He's a sexist wimp. Whatever he can't handle, I can."

"Hey!" came a mysterious voice out of nowhere. The two didn't seem to pay it any mind, though.

"So… you're SURE you don't want to apologize?"

"Oh believe me, I'm sure! Your brother was a loser anyways."

"…Then… let's just say, you're REALLY going to regret it."

Latias then left and hovered into the airplane. Shaymin was still outside, by herself, rolling her eyes.

"Please. Whatever she has planned, I can EASILY handle."

"I wouldn't be too sure about that Shaymin."

"Groudon?"

"Yes. And I also appreciate you calling me a sexist wimp."

"Hmph. So you heard everything, didn't you?"

"Indeed. I can tell all of the Legends in the Hall of Origin about what you just did. I may be sexist, but I certainly wouldn't make Latias cry!"

"Go ahead. Tell them all." Shaymin paused to fake pondering on something, and readdressed Groudon. "Oh… on second thought, it would better for you if you didn't."

"Why is that?"

"…Remember Giratina's birthday party?"

"Yes, what are you imply-" Then Groudon realized what Shaymin would do. "N-Not the one in the bathtub. N-Not the one with me playing with Giratina's rubber ducky."

"The one with the ducky."

"I give." Groudon sighed. "You know, one of these days, Shaymin. One of these days, someone will put you in your place. One day…"

Shaymin smirked, then walked onto the plane victoriously.

"We'll see about that. One day, you will wake up underwat-"

"Hey! Lugia's not where I left him!"

"'I', Rayquaza? I didn't see you tie those knots!"

Curious, Shaymin went to the source of Rayquaza's and Latias' voices. All of the Legends were in the airplane's living quarters. They all noticed some ropes on the floor and were wondering about it.

Arceus looked to Rayquaza and the Lati. "You're right. I forgot all about Lugia. I thought he just wanted to stay on here. Ropes… Did you…?"

"Tied him up?" smirked Rayquaza. "Yes. Yes I did."

Latias glared at Rayquaza. "You sat there and did nothing for five minutes while I tied him up! I would hardly call that YOU tying him up!"

"I was supervising!"

"You were doing NOTHING!"

"Am I missing something here?" Arceus said. "Why did you tie him up in the first place?"

"Well…"

"Did he WANT to be tied up?"

Rayquaza quickly decided, "Yes, yes he did."

"OK then. Fair enough, we all get off on different things. But then where could he have gone? You'd think he would be smart enough to just stay put."

"Well, I wouldn't exactly call Lugia 'smart'." Jirachi snarked. "After all, he didn't even know what Logarithmic and Exponential Equations were."

"I don't know what those are." Arceus admitted. "Anyway, the author is probably just going to cut the chapter off here, and focus on Lugia next chap-"

* * *

><p><em>Pokémon © Nintendo  Game Freak_

A/N: I'll tell you right now, I don't care AT ALL for Eminem (the one whose song I used). He's talented, but I wish he wouldn't curse in every song. No offense to those who like him, I just want to be clear on my stance. I just used it 'cause I thought it would be funny. OK? And of course, expect more chapters to come! Sorry it took so long to update!


	11. Unspeakable Consequences

Pokémon World Tour

Chapter 11: Unspeakable Consequences

* * *

><p>"So… what do I do now?"<p>

Groudon was sitting in front of the author's computer, while the author was being a lazy ass. The author had let Groudon in charge of the rest of the Australian arc, as the author was getting his ass kicked in Pokémon SoulSilver by the sheer awesomeness that is Red.

…The author has no life.

"I don't care." the author told him. "Do whatever you like. Make a snowstorm, drown them in a flood, have a Mary Sue take over. I don't care… Damn it, Red! Stop using your Pikachu to electrocute my Typhlosion!"

"Hmm." Groudon posed to himself. "Let's see… How can I make their lives' miserable… Maybe I could rain fireballs down from the sky. Or I could possibly start a zombie apocalypse. Oh, I know! I'll give Shaymin government missiles!"

The author looks up from his game, horror plastered over his face. "I take it back! No! Shaymin with government missiles… that would be disastrous! World War III would happen! Destruction would rain down from the heavens! You might as well make it Judgment Day! Do you REALLY want to see that?"

"…Would it be so awful if I said 'yes'?"

"…"

"…"

The author facepalmed. "Just… think of something else. ANYTHING else. I may be sadistic towards you guys, but even I'm not THAT evil."

Groudon frowned. "Fine." The author went back to getting his ass kicked by Red. Groudon turned away from the author, thinking deviously about what he could do.

"…Oh, I know…" he smirked evilly.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile…<p>

Lugia had the time of his life with the Aborigines! He had discovered much about their past. He got to share his style of music with them, and was learning about theirs. One of the members even gave him a Didgeridoo to keep as a memento.

Lugia looked up at the night stars. They were beautiful, and not something he saw every night guarding Johto. With the entire region of Johto being active at night and with bright lights flashing everywhere, they always blanked out the stars. As he looked up, he could piece the stars together and form constellations in his head. He envisioned Ho-Oh, and his own kids all flying up there. Having a blast… racing each other… and maybe Ho-Oh would finally repay him for what he has done…

"…Bitch can't let go of the fact that she still owes me ice cream…"

"Hey!"

Lugia stood up, startled from his thoughts.

One of the tribe members motioned to him, from across the bonfire they were sitting at. "Would you like to dance?" he asked.

Lugia sweatdropped. It had occurred to him, that, despite all the talking about music, they didn't show him their kind… yet. He chuckled nervously. "Well, you've seen me rap, but I don't know about dancing…"

"Our dances are very easy. You can perform a corroboree with us."

"How in the heck do those work? I mean, I haven't seen anything like it in all of those Pokémon Dance Remixes on YouTube…" he muttered the last part softly to himself.

The leader wondered what he was talking about, but shrugged it off, making a note to perhaps acquaintance himself with this 'YouTube' (unfortunately, the poor sucker didn't know what kind of place YouTube really IS).

…Anyway, he held up two… clicker thingys.

Lugia sighed. "Clicker thingys? Really, author?"

"OK! So I can't find it on Wikipedia!"

"Groudon?" he asked. He stepped away for a moment. The Aborigines looked on in confusion as Lugia appeared to talk to thin air.

"What… is it?" wondered a woman.

"Must be some city thing." another man answered.

"Groudon, I'm in the middle of something!" Lugia shouted.

"Obviously. You think I give a shit?"

Lugia groaned and grit his teeth. "The one time I'm actually enjoying myself on this nightmare of a fanfic, and you have to interrupt me!"

"Yes, so what? You need to go back to the plane, pronto. Everyone else is there."

"…No. You know what? I'm NOT going. I REFUSE to go back now! I'm learning about another culture! I'm actually enjoying this!"

"You DARE defy me?" Groudon screamed dramatically. "I am the author! I have all control! The Protector of the Universe's Guys COMMANDS you to return!"

"Dear God…" Lugia sighed.

**"OK, I THINK THAT'S ENOUGH OUT OF YOU, GROUDON."**

"B-But…"

**"DON'T WORRY. YOU'LL HAVE AMPLE TIME TO EXECUTE YOUR PLAN."**

Groudon started to whine. "But it's not fair! Why do you like him so much? I never get to do what I want! Why do I not have a remake of my games yet? Why-"

**"EXCUSE ME, LUGIA."**

"By all means."

**"LET'S SEE… NOW WHERE'S THAT ADULT SPEAKING AUDIO CONVERTER… NO… NOT THERE… WAIT, THERE IT IS!"**

*click*

"And why do I al- WAH-WAH WAH WAH-WAH WAH WAH…"

**"*sigh* MUCH BETTER. YOU DO WHAT YOU WANT TONIGHT, LUGIA. THE PLANE AIN'T GOING ANYWHERE, AND YOU (AND THE READERS) WOULD DO WELL TO LEARN OF ANOTHER CULTURE."**

"…Ok… but…"

**"YES?"**

"You're supposed to be tormenting us. Why are you being… nice?"

**"OH, I FIGURE THAT I SHOULDN'T BE ON SHAYMIN LEVELS OF CRUEL TO YOU. I GOTTA GIVE YOU SOME LEEWAY."**

"A'ight. I'm cool with that. Talk to you later."

**"ADIOS, AMIGO."**

Lugia turned back to the Aborigines. They all looked on in completely understandable confusion, because Lugia seemed to be able to communicate with an apparently invisible god.

"Uhh… this is awkward." he muttered. "So, how about that dance?"

And so Lugia spent the rest of the night jumping up and down like a kangaroo. No, really. That's what they do. Dance like animals. Surprisingly, he enjoyed it. More fun than you would think… And I'm dragging this out too long, aren't I? …Anyways.

* * *

><p>Elsewhere…<p>

"Do you have those controls fixed NOW? It's midnight!"

"Don't have a (censored) Miltank! I'm working on it, you oversized green lizard!"

"Ugh…"

Rayquaza found himself griping with the Wish Pokémon of all beings, off in the control room while he lay in the nearby hallway. Jirachi was the only one with the intellectual know-how to try to unfreeze the plane's controls (the keyword is TRY here).

Unable to sleep, Rayquaza looked at the ceiling.

"I will not talk to inanimate objects. I will not talk to inanimate objects. I will not talk to inanimate objects." he chanted to himself.

"You're doing it."

Rayquaza's eyes widened in concern for his sanity. "I swear that ceiling just talked back to me."

Latias' head peeked into Rayquaza's vision, obscuring the unresponsive ceiling.

"Hey there, Sir 'Talks-a-lot to Inanimate Objects'!" his girlfriend cheerily greeted him. "Wow. First the statue, and now the ceiling. What's next, making love to rocks?"

"…I have sanity! I do! Really!" he defended.

"Don't worry, Rayquaza." Latias assured him. "Nobody blames you if you've lost it at this point in the fanfic."

"…Honestly, I think we'll all need to go buy a hefty dosage of it at Wal-Mart once this is done."

"And… Shaymin, of course." Latias muttered.

"ESPECIALLY Shaymin!" Rayquaza shouted. "I still can't believe she did that to you. Why doesn't Arceus just kill her off and make a new, more sane Shaymin?"

"My guess would be is that Arceus is too terrified to do so. Think about it. Would YOU want to be the one to try and assassinate that psycho?"

Rayquaza shuddered in fear at the very thought. "Point taken, Latias. She probably has an AK-47 hidden somewhere on this plane. Still, if she tries to pull something like that again, I'll…"

"Don't worry about it." Latias told him. "Let me take of her, Ray. I'll have plenty of fun with her."

She pecked him on the cheek. He blushed. "Fine." he muttered, moving his hands onto Latias' face. "Just… be sure to do your worst, ok?"

"I will…" she answered, moving Rayquaza's lips closer to hers. "Oh Ray, I…"

"Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!"

The two jerked their heads behind them to see the psychic kitty, Mew. She was chanting 'kiss' repeatedly at them, hoping to see some action.

"What are YOU doing here?" Rayquaza yelled at her. "You're invading our privacy!"

"Oh, nothing much. I was just in the neighborhood. I just dropped my mutant Kangaskhan back in the wild (after much begging and pleading to Arceus to keep him), and decided to drop by. And, come on, you're in the hallway! You're practically inviting us to come see you smooch!"

"Get out of here, Mew!"

Mew frowned. "Fine, Mr. Meanie. I wanted to help you with Shaymin, but if you don't need it…"

Latias' eyes perked up. "Actually Mew, we'd love to have your help with Shaymin!"

Rayquaza looked at Latias' in confusion. "We would? But Latias, we don't need her-" Latias stuffed her hand in the serpent's mouth, muffling his words.

"You said you were going to have fun with Shaymin!" the kitty explained. "I want to have fun with her, too! She won't give me my candy after the bet we made, that stupid liar!"

"Yeah, hey Mew, can you direct us to any of Shaymin's artillery?" Latias asked.

"OK! Do I get to use her machine gun?"

* * *

><p>Mew looked at the machine gun. "Ooooooohh… so, what does this trigger do?" She pulled the switch, and a barrage of bullets came out at rapid-fire speed. The bullets, being of the rare super bouncy kind, bounced around the plane, and through hallways and hearts of Legendaries. The entire plane had bullets ricocheting in the interior. One of the bullets made it into the cockpit, pierced Arceus, and she fell onto the plane's red giant self-destruct button.<p>

And thus, the plane blew up and everybody died.

* * *

><p>"NO!" the dragons yelled in horror.<p>

"Fine… but I get my candy, right?"

Rayquaza sighed. "Sure, Mew. Whatever makes you happy."

"Yippee! Alright, I'll take you guys to Shaymin's artillery chamber hidden in the plane! With the guns, and the knifes, and of course, the nuclear weapons!" She floated ahead of them, though both Latias and Rayquaza were (understandably) apprehensive.

"Guys?" she asked them, looking backwards. "Why are you floating there, spending your time dilly-dallying? Come on, let's go!"

They floated there silently for several seconds, absorbing what Mew had just said. Finally, it hit them.

"…NUCLEAR WEAPONS?" they screamed, catching the attention of nearby Darkrai, who was floating back to his room. He decided to watch the conversation.

"What…?" started Latias.

"And why…?" continued Rayquaza.

"But how…?" they said in sync. "Did Shaymin get her hands on THAT?"

"That's easy." Mew answered. "She had a little divine intervention with…"

"The author?" Rayquaza growled.

"The devil?" Darkrai quietly snarked.

"Regis Philbin!" Mew shouted.

"…"

"…What? I thought we were playing 'Name that Famous Guy'. If we're playing 'Name the Guy that gave Shaymin Government Missiles', then that would be Groudon."

Rayquaza grit his teeth. "Groudon, that bastard. I'm gonna kill him when we get back home… that is, IF we get back home. Alive."

"Still, Arceus DID ban Shaymin from all access to nuclear weapons after she launched that atomic bomb on Newmoon Island…" Latias muttered.

"And the Sinnoh authorities STILL have the damn place under radioactive containment…" Darkrai muttered, bringing the attention to him.

"Darkrai?" Latias, Rayquaza, and Mew noticed.

"Of course. What other Legendary is a Dark-type skirt-wearer?" he snarked.

"So you admit it! It IS a skirt!" Mew exclaimed happily.

"…That was sarcasm, my dear Mew." Darkrai replied, holding back anger.

"…Anyway, Darkrai?" Rayquaza asked the Dark-type. "What are YOU doing here?"

"I was just strolling through the plane. I was actually planning to head straight back to my room, but then I overheard your little conversation about Shaymin…"

"Yeah. So, what are you saying, Darkrai? You want to take part in it?" the green serpent asked.

"A chance to get back at Shaymin after the crap she pulled on Latias? Rayquaza, I wouldn't miss it for the world."

Rayquaza grinned. "All right. Glad you're on board, Darkrai."

Latias raised her eyebrow and glared at Rayquaza. "How come you're so willing to take Darkrai and not Mew?"

The serpent thought about this for a moment, then answered Latias in the most intelligent manner possible. "Because Darkrai's not a cuckoo candy obsessed crazy cat baby fetus… thing!" he yelled. Everyone stared at him.

"…What, in the name of Arceus the holy llama, was THAT sentence supposed to be?" Latias said.

"…I don't know, actually." Rayquaza muttered.

*insert awkward silence here*

"…To change this ridiculous subject and the author's absolutely pathetic attempt at humor…" Darkrai crossed his arms. "Shaymin. Revenge. Now."

"…Oh, right!" Mew smiled.

And the quartet dashed off to host their revenge on Shaymin. Little did they know that is exactly what she is expecting…

* * *

><p>"Let's make sure everything's in place…"<p>

Shaymin, our favorite psycho, is in her room, checking the traps to lure in the ones she KNEW would come for her. She knew after what she did to Latias (which she didn't regret), that the red Dragon and most likely several others would have her head.

"OK…" she peeked in the corner where the door and wall met. "Missile launchers, check."

She looked up above the entrance to see bombs filled to the brim with paint. "Paint bombs, check."

Finally, she checked the floor panel which would launch a net to trap the Pokémon inside once depressed. "Net trap, check."

She smiled, hopping back onto her bed to admire her work. Once that panel was depressed, all of those traps would be launched at the poor suckers. "All in a day's work, Shaymin. You did well."

Footsteps could be heard coming towards Shaymin's room. Ready for action, Shaymin hopped off of the bed and crawled under it, eager to humiliate them.

The door creaked open. "Shaymin?" came a voice. "You in there?"

Shaymin remained absolutely silent. She couldn't see who had come in, but she recognized the voice.

"I need to talk to you about what happened. Not as goddess of the Pokémon universe, but as your mother." Shaymin grit her teeth. Not the 'Mon Shaymin wanted inside. Before Shaymin could react, the Legendary depressed the panel with her feet.

Instantly, the Missile Launchers in the corner fired at her. Because of her power, they weren't enough to seriously hurt the goddess, but they WERE enough to stun her. They stunned her long enough for the net trap to activate, which caused the net underneath to close up around her. Due to the design of the trap, the net attached itself to the ceiling.

Oh, but the fun's not over yet!

The paint bombs detached from the ceiling into the net, exploding and showering Arceus in pink paint. Poor Arceus. She was stuck up there, coated with paint, unable to break out, and worst of all, she didn't even have the colored plate to match!

"OK!" Arceus shouted. "WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED HERE?"

Shaymin slowly crawled out from underneath the bed, looking up at Arceus. She chuckled nervously.

"Shaymin…" she said with death dripping from her voice. "What is this?"

"Umm. You see, it's a trap."

"THANK YOU, SHAYMIN! SOMEBODY DESERVES THE 'MOST OBVIOUS STATEMENT OF THE CENTURY' AWARD!"

"It… was meant for Latias and whoever else wanted my head. Or Darkrai. That works, too."

"And tell me Shaymin, do you know WHY I can't break out of here?" Suddenly, Arceus realized something. "Unless, of course…"

"It was reinforced with the Red Chain, thank you very much!" Shaymin smirked.

"…How did you get your grubby, little fingers on THAT?"

"Oh, Cyrus had a spare left over which I 'borrowed' without permission."

"…CYRUS! You mean the 'only slightly less psycho than you' Cyrus that tried to erase all existence and create a new world in his image? THAT Cyrus?" she shouted.

"…Yep, that's the one."

Arceus sighed. "Why me? WHY me? WHY did I EVER come up with this STUPID idea to travel around the world?"

"Hey, it could have been worse." Shaymin grinned.

"How so?"

"It couldn't have! HA!"

Arceus tried her hardest to break out of the net. Unfortunately, not even the angry adrenaline rush was enough to break the chains. Oh well, credit for trying.

"Did anybody ever tell you that you REALLY suck?"

"I do my best."

At that moment, we have four Legendary Pokémon bursting through the door.

"Shaymin!" shouted Darkrai. "Your time has…!"

Latias, Rayquaza, Mew, and Darkrai all stared in astonishment of the scene that lay before their eyes. Shaymin was standing in front of them alright… but the real pièce de résistance was their mother hanging above them in a net, coated in paint… PINK paint.

"OK…" muttered Rayquaza. "What the hell just happened here?"

"That's what I would like to know." Arceus sighed.

Latias looked at the green hedgehog. "Shaymin, there really is no end to your shenanigans, is there?"

"…Hmm. Let me think about this for a sec- Nope!"

"Well, that figures." Darkrai groaned. "I'd expect nothing less from you."

Mew floated over to Shaymin. "Shaymin! You promised me my candy! But you lied! The candy is a lie! The cake is a lie! All of the sweets were-"

"Uh, Mew." Rayquaza interrupted, discovering a bag underneath Shaymin's bed.

"Not now, Rayquaza! I'm in the middle of my rant!"

"But the candy is-"

"A lie! Nothing but evil, communist LIES!"

"But the-"

"LIES! Fabricated by Shaymin in an evil conspiracy against everything sweet!"

"But-"

"I've got it." Latias told him. Latias grabbed the bag, and shook it in front of Mew. "Hey, Mew. Look at what I've got…"

Mew, having the attention span of a goldfish, quickly noticed the candy.

"Ooooooh…"

Latias floated out of the room, and tossed the bag down the hallway. Mew sped through in a frenzy.

"Candy, candy, candy, candy, candy!" she shouted in excitement. Unfortunately, Kyogre VERY CONVINENTLY chose that exact moment to float in Mew's path. Yes, she floats. She's a sea whale, how else am I going to get her around?

Kyogre looked up from her comics and down the hallway to see a pink blur racing towards her.

"What the-"

CRASH!

* * *

><p>"<strong>AND SO, IT IS WITH A HEAVY HEART THAT WE SAY GOODBYE TO OUR DEAR FRIEND, KYOGRE. MAY HER SOUL BE HAPPY UP IN HEAVEN. WE WILL ALL MISS HER."<strong>

"I certainly don't!" shouted Groudon from the invited guests.

"What are we doing here?" muttered Raikou to the other Legendary Beasts. "Don't we have another one of the author's fanfics to star in?"

Arceus remained silent at the front of the guests, as she thought about the poor soul that was killed from-

"Wait a second!" she realized. She looked towards the sole human in the graveyard. It was the author. "What kind of sequence IS this? Why is she dead? And since when are you a funeral director?"

"**COME ON, I NEED THE MONEY!"**

"…You've got to be-"

**"JUST KIDDING!"**

* * *

><p>Back to the plane, and AWAY from the reality warping…<p>

Mew woke up, next to Kyogre. "OK…" she muttered. "What the heck was that all abo- oh, candy!"

She grabbed the bag and munched on all of the candy in it, while Kyogre was knocked unconscious (and TOTALLY not dead).

And everything went back to normal. Well, if this fanfic could even be considered 'normal' in the first place…

* * *

><p>"So, what do we do with you?" Darkrai said.<p>

Darkrai held Shaymin by his claw as Rayquaza smirked evilly, both of them sadistically happy to see Shaymin so helpless for once in her life. Latias especially looked on with glee.

"We could feed her to the Mightyenas!" suggested Rayquaza.

"Or use her as a basketball!" grinned Darkrai.

"Or disembowel her!" Rayquaza deviously stated.

"I've got a better idea." Latias smiled sweetly. "Bring in the 24-hour marathon of Barney the Dinosaur!" Latias then generated a tape stuffed to the brim with purple dinosaur content.

Rayquaza's, Darkrai's, and Shaymin's eyes widened in complete and total terror. The mere THOUGHT of that struck horror to their very bone.

"I am the embodiment of nightmares, and even I could never bring anyone upon THAT." Darkrai stated in shock.

"I…" Rayquaza clutched his chest. "I… Even I… could never… do such a thing."

"So, what are you saying? Not up for it, Ray? Because I can certainly handle it by myself."

"You crazies do what you want, I'm OUT of here!" Darkrai zoomed out of the room, terrified.

"Right behind you, Darkrai!" Rayquaza quickly followed suit.

Latias shrugged her shoulders. "Oh well." Latias grabbed Shaymin and some ropes to tie her down. She then inserted the tape into the VCR of the room's TV.

"NO! NO! Anything but that! Please!" she screamed desperately. Never before had she been so horrified… or said please.

"Don't worry, Shaymin. I'll let you out once we reach our next stop on this fanfic… however long that takes."

Shaymin looked at Latias in horror, who smiled the sweetest smile you would ever see. After she finished tying Shaymin to the bed, she pressed 'Play' and then made her exit. "Have fun!"

As the tape went through its' beginning commercials before the show, ARCEUS screamed in horror.

"LATIAS! RAYQUAZA! DARKRAI! SOMEBODY! I'm still up here! I don't want to watch 'Barney the Dinosaur'! Please! Let me down! I don't want to watch this …and I really have to go to the bathroom!"

* * *

><p>The next morning, in the sanity outside of the plane…<p>

Lugia left the Aborigines, thankful to have stayed with them. Though their time together was short, he had fun and he even got to keep a Didgeridoo (as stated at the beginning). Currently, he was walking back to the plane, hoping to chill out by himself until the rest of the Legends arrived back. Too bad he was wrong in that regard.

"So, author?"

**"YES?"**

"Where are we heading to next? I think I've had enough of Australia."

"**WELL, YOU SEE LUGIA, THAT'S A SURPRISE. FOR THE SAKE OF THE READERS, OF COURSE. BUT YOU WILL LIKE WHERE WE HEAD TO NEXT. VERY… UNIQUE CULTURE, COMPARED TO THE REST OF THE WORLD. I'LL SAY THAT MUCH."**

"Oh, no voting this time?"

**"NOPE. AND JIRACHI FIXED THE CONTROLS. WELL, AFTER I LET HIM, OF COURSE."**

"Sure, you did." Lugia replied sarcastically.

**"…ANYWAY, THE PLANE'S UP AHEAD. HAVE FUN."**

"What do you mean?" Lugia asked.

No answer. Again.

"Dammit, why does he ALWAYS disappear like that?" He ran to the plane, hoping that nobody had been driven to insanity.

…Then again, that's the purpose of this fanfic, isn't it?

* * *

><p><em>Pokémon © Nintendo  Game Freak_

Yes! Thank God! I've been meaning to do this, but I just kept putting it off. I apologize for making you guys wait for a month and a half. But school is finally out for the summer, and I have much more spare time. I'm glad you guys have stuck with me, and I'm happy to deliver this!

Also today, Pokemon Conquest is released (in the States).

A/N: Now, there is a poll on my profile for your favorite character on World Tour! Check it out!


	12. Targeting Practice

Pokémon World Tour

Chapter 12: Targeting Practice

* * *

><p>"You know, I didn't get a single line last chapter."<p>

Giratina was in his room, laying down on his ginormous bed (because someone his size obviously wouldn't fit into a regular one). He felt depressed, believing the author forgot about him. He worried that by the author's ignorance of him, he would become the Butt Monkey, just like Darkrai. He pondered what being the Butt Monkey would be like, and what therapy that would entail.

"You know, being the Butt Monkey would suck." he admitted.

"Oh, really?" replied a sarcastic voice from the hallway. As Giratina looked towards the voice, he could tell it was Darkrai.

Barely.

Darkrai was nearly unidentifiable, being buried underneath mountains of make-up, lipstick, and eyeliner. And glitter. Lots and lots of glitter. There was also some sort of glob on Darkrai's arms that looked like the meat you find stuffed in the back of the fridge 5 years later. Giratina resisted the urge to go into a laughing fit.

"Go ahead. Laugh all you want. I'll wait."

The laughing resumed for around 5 minutes, before Giratina had to stop and catch his breath.

"Ha… ha…. whoo… All right, I'm done." Giratina chuckled. "What are you doing here, anyways?"

"I need some help."

"With what?"

"Oh, just reorganizing my shoes…" Darkrai snarked.

"Well, if that's all…"

"NO, DOOFUS! I NEED HELP GETTING THIS CRAP OFF OF ME!"

"All right, all right, don't be so mean!"

Darkrai headed over to the bathroom connected to Giratina's quarters, where he turned on the sink. Giratina stood guard at the door.

"So, how did that happen?" Giratina asked.

"The makeup crap?" Darkrai said. "Well, this Being of Nightmares was stupid enough to accept an invitation from Latias to her room. I took it because I felt obligated to after she managed to tie Shaymin up to the bed. Plus, you know, Latias made her watch a 24-hour marathon of Barney the Dinosaur, so we can expect Shaymin's IQ to drop a few points."

"So, Latias had a makeup party?"

"Not exactly." Darkrai groaned. "We were playing a couple of rounds of charades when the card I drew said 'let yourself be tied to a bed while the others decide what to do with you'. After that, I tried to back out, but they tied me down to a bed. And put all sorts of hideous makeup on me." Darkrai shuddered.

"…Who puts that in a charade game?"

"I don't know." Darkrai shrugged. "Latias told me that she and Rayquaza created some of the cards, but I don't really think…"

"…" Giratina paused for a few moments to let what Darkrai had said sink into his own brain.

_"3… 2… 1."_

"DAMMIT!" came the scream of the bathroom. "How can they be so insane?!"

"…Because they like it?" Giratina posed.

Darkrai sighed. "Whatever. Anyways, thanks for letting me use your-"

Darkrai stopped when he realized that the door wouldn't open. "Giratina, I think your door is stuck."

"Oh, I would know." Giratina nodded. "I'm standing in front of it."

"Haha, Giratina. Very funny. But seriously, let me out." Darkrai grunted as he tried to push open the door.

"…Under one condition."

Darkrai grit his teeth. "You never said anything about a 'condition'!"

"Because then you wouldn't have used my bathroom."

Darkrai clutched his fists, attempting to pound the door down when he realized something. He could phase through objects.

_"Stupid me, why didn't I think of that before?"_

He turned invisible, and started to phase through the door. However, partway through, he was bounced back.

"What the heck?!" he shouted. "What's going on…?"

"I put an antimatter force-field around the bathroom while you were washing your face off. Only I, or whatever I choose, can pass through it."

Darkrai sighed. "Why me? Why me? Why do I have to be this fanfic's Butt Monkey?" He groaned, deciding to listen to Giratina. "All right, Giratina. What is your 'condition'?"

"Before we get to our next destination, there's something I want you to do for me and Arceus."

"What? What is it?"

"Give her this."

An item teleported in to the bathroom. It floated in midair until it levitated over to Darkrai's hands, where it dropped and he caught it.

It was a small black box. Darkrai opened his mouth in awe. Despite not being a human, he was familiar enough with human customs to know what was inside.

Indeed, as he opened it, a small diamond ring was inside.

"Uh-um, Giratina. I don't know what to say."

"IT'S NOT FOR YOU!" Giratina screamed. "BECAUSE I'M TOTALLY NOT GAY OR ANYTHING!"

Darkrai covered his ears, trying not to go deaf. "Yes, I know." he said. "You're as straight as a ruler."

"I want you to give it to Arceus."

"Shouldn't you do this? This is really something that you should do."

"I… I'm just kinda nervous. Earlier, I was joking to Arceus about getting hitched, but now… I wanna do it for real. But… But I just can't bring myself up to her and propose. I'm too scared."

"Giratina."

"…Yeah?"

"You didn't need to trap me in a bathroom to convince me to do it. You're one of the nicest guys I know. I'll be glad to."

"Thank you, Darkrai."

"…Under one condition." Darkrai grinned.

"Oh, now it's your turn to set a condition?" Giratina remarked.

"No worries, you won't mind. Can you tell me if you're going to send Shaymin to the Distortion World when she dies? I know Legendaries have an extended life period, but…"

"Darkrai, I was planning to do that long before you asked me to. After all, I judge souls on their kindness and virtue. You think Shaymin would pass that test? Besides, a couple thousand years in the Distortion World would do her some good."

Darkrai chuckled. "I'd have to agree." At that moment, the antimatter force-field disappeared and Giratina stepped out of the way as Darkrai came out.

"You're sure you want me to do this for you?" Darkrai asked.

Giratina nodded. "Yes."

"All right, then…" Darkrai walked out of the room and into the hallway.

"You know where Arceus is, right?" Giratina asked.

"Yeah, she's…" Darkrai's eyes widened in horrific realization. "…Uh oh."

"I don't like the sound of that 'uh oh'."

Darkrai quickly dashed off as fast as he could, but Giratina did not know as to where.

"Darkrai?! Where are you going?!"

Darkrai didn't answer as he continued to dash. Giratina quickly grabbed his Griseous Orb to go into Origin Forme, as he could levitate much faster to catch up with the speedy Darkrai. He wondered why Darkrai was so horrified as Giratina followed him…

* * *

><p>Meanwhile…<p>

"What did I do to deserve this? Whatever it was, I'm sorry!"

Jirachi sighed as his head hit the table, trying to think of a way to get out of this. He couldn't believe himself at how he got into this mess…

After Darkrai was seen running and screaming away from something that WASN'T Shaymin and with pounds of glitter on him, his curiosity got the better of him and he decided to investigate after he had finished repairing the plane's controls.

He found himself led to Latias' room. He peeked inside to see Latias and Rayquaza putting away some cards. The two were chuckling to themselves when Jirachi asked what was up.

"Oh, nothing much. We were just playing some charades and things like that." Rayquaza said. His eyes' widened as he got an idea. "Hey, why don't you join us?"

Jirachi wasn't stupid. "After seeing Darkrai running away from here in sheer terror looking like Ke$ha? I don't think so."

"Come on, it'll be fun!"

"Since when is total humiliation fun?"

"Since Groudon got caught playing with rubber duckies in the bathtub at Giratina's birthday party."

Jirachi sighed. "And what makes you think I'd be stupid enough to say 'yes' to this? I know for a fact that you don't have anything on me."

"No… but you wouldn't want me to use evidence against you in the future, now would you?"

"That's a pathetic reason. Now if you don't mind, I'll be taking my leave." Jirachi muttered as he started to depart.

"Fine. Fine. I just think everyone here would find it very amusing to know that you still like to play with your Barbie dolls."

Jirachi fumed furiously. "They're not dolls! They're… umm…"

"Dolls." Rayquaza finished. "That's what they are. Barbie dolls. There's nothing wrong with it."

Jirachi's eyes narrowed. "This is interesting, coming from the guy who loves to practice his erotic fantasies with his girlfriend…" Latias chuckled and sweatdropped nervously as Rayquaza looked back at Jirachi.

"No one needs to know about that." Rayquaza chuckled. "And my point is, do you want your love of Barbie dolls to get out or not?"

* * *

><p>And thus, Jirachi found himself forced to play charades with the two. Well, what WAS charades anyways. It had since devolved into a make-up party. He looked at Rayquaza, who appeared to be just as bored as he was. Currently, the green Dragon-type looked something akin to a five-year-old girl discovering her mother's makeup for the first time. Latias was in the back bathroom, looking around for some more makeup to use.<p>

"Why are you putting yourself through this torture?" Jirachi asked Rayquaza. "You could easily say 'no', or just refuse. You're the man in this relationship, right? Shouldn't you take charge?"

"It's a… rather complex story." Rayquaza muttered.

"I'm willing to listen."

"…Do you really want to know why?"

Jirachi nodded.

Rayquaza sighed. "It's because I love her too damn much. Yes, I suppose our relationship does get rather… kinky at times; but we really do value each other. I've had to help her a lot throughout her brother's death. She often feels helpless and scared."

"…I see."

"…And that's why I let her dominate me. I let her control our marriage. It gives her a sense of strength, something she hasn't felt before. It lets her feel like she can fend for herself and it… gives her a sense of safety as well. But I know she'd never hurt me in the wrong way." Rayquaza groaned as he rubbed his head with his claws. "Look, you're a young Legendary. I don't know if you even understand what I'm talking about here. Call it sick and wrong if you want to, because I've had to deal with a lot of people and Pokémon alike saying that. …But you wanted to know 'why'. That's how our relationship works. So there you are."

"…OK…" muttered Jirachi. "I wasn't quite aware of how your… relationship functioned."

"Yeah, I understand. I'll let you leave if you promise not to tell anyone."

"…That's what I wanted to do in THE FIRST PLACE, YOU MORON!" Jirachi screeched at him. Jirachi sighed after he was done. He stood up from the table and began to walk out the door.

"…You aren't to use this as blackmail against me, are you? You know, the whole 'I like dolls' thing?" Jirachi asked.

"…Nah. Not this time."

"All right…" he muttered, starting to leave.

"Hey."

Jirachi looked back. "Yeah?"

"Thanks for listening."

The usually deadpan Jirachi couldn't help but smile this time. "No problem, Rayquaza." Then he departed, leaving the green serpent alone with Latias. Rayquaza couldn't help himself but smile as well.

* * *

><p>Darkrai and Giratina made their way to Shaymin's room, where screams of torture could be heard from within. Darkrai stopped briefly to savor the moment.<p>

"Is it wrong that I enjoy Shaymin pleading for mercy?" Darkrai wondered.

"No, you're not alone."

Darkrai looked behind him to see Giratina in Origin Forme. "Giratina? What are you…?"

"Are we going to go rescue Arceus or what?"

"…Right. Of course."

The two burst in to see that the cries of mercy weren't from Shaymin as Darkrai thought, but from Arceus, who was still stuck to the ceiling… and REALLY, REALLY had to go to the bathroom. Shaymin, on the other hand, managed to free herself and smash the TV in. Currently, she was on her bed eating chocolates while watching her mother squirm.

"Shaymin!" Darkrai yelled. "How'd you get free?"

"It's called Razor Leaf, doofus." Shaymin grinned. "You should try it sometime."

Darkrai groaned while Giratina cut the chains to let Arceus free. She fell on the ground and crawled out of the chains.

"Giratina, thanks!" she said, truly meaning it. "I'd hug you right now, but I need to get to the nearest bathroom!"

She ran off into Shaymin's bathroom, and a great sigh of relief could be heard. Giratina chuckled softly, never ceasing to be amused by Arceus' funnier antics.

"Giratina?" Darkrai asked.

"Yeah?"

"…Do you still want me to give the ring to Arceus?"

"…No thanks." Giratina said. "I decided that I should do this myself."

Giratina took the small black box from Darkrai, and waited patiently for Arceus to come out of the bathroom.

* * *

><p>Back with Lugia, he finally boarded the plane, ready to get the heck out of Dodge… or in this case, Australia.<p>

"Hell yeah! Let's get this show on the road, everyone!"

"…"

And nobody was there at the entrance to greet him. Lugia could just hear the crickets chirping.

"…Never mind." he muttered, disappointed. He headed over to the control deck where, for some strange reason, Arceus wasn't there.

"Oh well." he shrugged. "Looks like **I **get to pilot the plane!"

He locked the cockpit doors so no one else could get in. He strapped himself into the (extremely large) pilot's chair and started up the plane. Instead of using the autopilot like someone NORMAL, he decided he was going to pilot the plane himself. Using whatever it is that makes planes go forward, he accelerated rapidly through the Australian wildlands.

**"YOU KNOW, SHOULDN'T YOU READ THE INSTRUCTIONS?"**

"Screw that!" Lugia shouted. "REAL MEN don't need instructions!" The plane moved faster as Lugia prepared to ascend. One could only imagine what it was like for all of the unbuckled passengers. And the author resisted the urge to tell Lugia that, technically, he couldn't be a 'real **man**'. But whatever.

"Next stop: Tokyo, Japan!" Lugia yelled.

**"HEY! HOW'D YOU FIGURE THAT OUT?!"**

"I read your mind. I'm a Psychic-type, after all."

The author was now concerned about his private thoughts.

Lugia pulled the piloting joystick back, ready to ascend. After gaining enough speed (and miraculously not crashing), the plane rose into the air. Once the plane was up, Lugia quickly found piloting a plane to be more boring than he thought it would be. He decided to put the plane on autopilot for the rest of the trip and unlocked the cockpit doors to go to his room… when he was met with 9 very angry, pissed off, beaten up Legendaries. Yes, even Mew and Latias, who were happy-go-lucky most of the time. And Arceus, who for some reason, was doused in pink paint. And in some sort of liquid that Lugia didn't know, and didn't WANT to know.

"H-Hi guys." Lugia waved nervously. "W-What are you up to?"

Everyone stared at him angrily, ESPECIALLY Arceus.

"You're lucky I didn't think to bring the old torture racks with me." Arceus gritted her teeth.

"Well, we COULD have forced him to watch that Barney the Dinosaur marathon with Shaymin…" Darkrai muttered. "But she smashed the TV in. Anyone else have any ideas?"

Lugia gulped nervously. He attempted to run away to the safety of his room, but Rayquaza thought fast and grabbed Lugia's body with his long serpentine tail, trapping him.

"Well?" Darkrai posed again.

Mew decided that this was as good a time as any. "Umm, guys? Remember what I said about Shaymin's artillery chamber last chapter? We could always use that!"

"…Shaymin has a WHAT?" Arceus looked surprised. She glanced at Shaymin, who grinned sheepishly.

"I'll talk to you about this later. For the time being… Rayquaza!" Arceus shouted.

"Yes?"

"Could you take Lugia there? I plan to use him as targeting practice."

Rayquaza grinned evilly while looking at Lugia. Lugia had a face that screamed 'absolute horror'. "It would be my pleasure."

"But! But! WAIT! WAIT! **WAIT!**"

Lugia had caught the attention of everyone, which he had wanted.

"B-But I would die! And you would be short one traveler! Plus, I was VOTED onto this thing in the first place! Most voted, in fact! People want me to stay alive!"

**"NOT TO WORRY, I HAVE MAGICAL REVIVAL POWERS. THEY GET TO KILL YOU OVER AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN WITH NO CONSEQUENCES WHATSOEVER! EXCEPT MAYBE MENTAL SCARRING, BUT THERAPY WILL FIX THAT…"**

"What fun." Lugia delivered in a deadpan tone.

"Wait a second." Arceus muttered. "I'm the Pokémon GOD! I can do the same thing!"

**"TRUE, BUT I'M THE AUTHOR. AND WOULDN'T YOU WANT TO CLEAN UP FIRST?"**

"…I plan to." Arceus groaned. "You guys take him down there and do what you want to him. I've got to clean up first."

"I can help with that." Giratina volunteered.

"…You just want to chance to bathe me, don't you?" Arceus smirked with playfulness evident in her tone.

"Like there's something wrong with that?" Giratina grinned.

Arceus chuckled. "Come on, we'll head to my bedroom." The two departed for the other end of the plane where Arceus' bedroom was. The others drugged Lugia (…I-I meant 'dragged'. But that works, too.) to the artillery chamber, where terrific horrors waited below…

* * *

><p>Arceus and Giratina reached the bedroom, where they quickly maneuvered to the nearby bathroom. Arceus detached her ring and hung it on the wall. Filling a very large bathtub with water (and yes, everything in this plane is extremely large.), she waited for it to completely fill. In the meanwhile, Giratina was trying to cuddle up close to Arceus and get a kiss in. He found himself smooching Arceus.<p>

"Uh, Giratina. Why are you kissing me?"

"Anything… wrong with that?" he muttered in a seductive tone.

"Well, I'm covered in pink paint for starters."

"So?" he said, deciding not to let up.

"…And urine."

THAT got Giratina to stop like nothing else. He started to back away slowly, and immediately dashed for the sink. Filling his mouth with water, he also grabbed the nearby soap and **SCRUBBED**.

"Gross, gross, gross, gross, gross…" Giratina's gargled voice garbled.

Arceus couldn't help but chuckle. Once the tub was full, she stepped inside of it and began to relax. She still chuckled on the inside as Giratina continued scrubbing out his mouth.

* * *

><p>And I'd… go to Lugia, but things are being done to him so violent, I'd have to bump this story's rating up to Mature. So, here's a nice picture of a bunny rabbit.<p>

*shows Rabbit from Winnie-the-Pooh*

…Not that Rabbit.

*shows Playboy bunny*

…Whoops, wrong pictures.

*shows Trix rabbit*

…What is that even doing in there? Go and get your damn Trix, already!

Yeah, so anyways… In short, Lugia got mental scarring, Giratina's still trying the taste of urine out of his mouth, and everyone else are laughing their asses off as the plane arrives in Japan…

Just another ordinary day.

* * *

><p><em>Pokémon © Nintendo  Game Freak_

I suck. I really suck. I make you guys wait two months for another chapter, and it's not even 5,000 words. I know it's not easy, but I SINCERELY appreciate you guys sticking with me. And don't forget to review!


	13. Attack of the Yaoi Fangirls

Pokémon World Tour

Chapter 13: Attack of the Yaoi Fangirls

* * *

><p>"So, we're finally here. The Land of the Rising Sun!" Giratina exclaimed.<p>

"And yaoi fangirls." grumbled Darkrai.

All of the Legendaries walked off of the plane (in human forme, of course) and into the terminal. Many of the Japanese noticed them from their different appearance compared to theirs, but remained silent.

"Still, it's really something." Arceus said as they were checked by airport officials, showing them her passport. "To be here in Japan, where it all began for us."

"I just better not get strip-searched this time." said Darkrai as his suitcase was checked. "I left 'that item' off of my possession after that incident."

"I think we should go visit Mr. Tajiri while we're here!" Mew suggested. "That would be AWESOME!"

"It would."Rayquaza agreed. "Arc- I mean… ugh… 'Angelina'?" he grimaced at mentioning the dumb choice for a human name the author picked. "Do you think we could spare time to head over to Game Freak Headquarters?"

"I don't see why not. It would be fun to meet our own creators." Arceus admitted.

They began to go through the mandatory security check. About half of them (Arceus, Giratina, Lugia, Darkrai, and Mew) had made it when Shaymin's turn came up, who was stopped by an official.

"Excuse me, little girl?"

"Yes?" Shaymin said impatiently.

"We detected something in your suitcase. It might have been a mistake, but we'll still need to check."

"Fine. Go ahead. I have nothing to hide." she told them.

"Except the dead body of a psychologist." Jirachi said in a deadpan tone, behind her in line. The officers looked at Shaymin, a bit freaked out.

"Oh… stop it!" Shaymin said to Jirachi in a joking tone. The look on her face to Jirachi after that also added 'or else your head gets cut off'.

The officers looked at Shaymin oddly. Something was messed up about this kid, but it wasn't their business.

"Little girl, your suitcase." an officer asked again.

"OK THEN!" she shouted at them, throwing the suitcase in their direction. One of the officers walked over to Arceus and asked her, "Is that your kid?"

"Unfortunately." she sighed.

"Don't you think she should see somebody?"

"Tried it. Didn't work. You don't even want to know what she did to the psychologist."

The security officer backed away slowly after that.

"This better not turn out like it did with Darkrai." Shaymin grumbled, as a police officer went through her stuff. "Oh well. At least if I get strip-searched, I just need to scream 'Help, I'm a little girl being molested!' That'll get me out of it."

"Shay, you do know that the police can't legally do that to a minor, right?" Jirachi told her.

"Of course I know that!"

Jirachi stared at her with an apathetic look. "Uh huh. Sure you did. If you need me, I'll be over by Mother."

Jirachi walked through the security check with no problems, leaving Shaymin behind, with Latias then Rayquaza next in line. The officer approached Shaymin.

"Ma'am."

"Yes, officer?" she asked him endearingly.

The security officer set Shaymin's suitcase on the ground. He opened it up, revealing very… peculiar things. Chains, whips, electric shockers, ball gags… and some other things that I probably can't go into without getting an M-rating. (Hey, I have some standards I gotta hold.)

"Could you care to explain what… these things… are doing in here?"

Latias and Rayquaza peeked in front of them, wondering why their 'play-things' were in Shaymin's bag.

Shaymin sweatdropped nervously, clueless as to how they ended up in her bag. She then looked over to Darkrai at the other side, who simply grinned at her. Shaymin was ready to slit his throat at that second, but the officer took her over to the side, along with confiscating the contents of her bag. Naturally, Latias and Rayquaza were disappointed. However, the two had made it through the security check with no issues.

"So, any idea with what you think they'll do to Shaymin?" asked Latias.

"No clue." answered Rayquaza. "They can't strip-search her because she's a minor, but they'll probably figure out something."

Latias stepped a bit closer to Rayquaza as they walked, whispering in his ear softly so the officers couldn't hear. "I'm just wondering how we're going to get our things back."

"Don't worry, Latias. I'll figure something out. For now, we're in Japan." he said as they both sat down with Arceus and the others. "There's so much to do here; I don't even know where to take you first!"

"You bring up a good point, Rayquaza. Where SHOULD we go first?" Arceus muttered.

"Well, the Japanese usually have a few flower gardens scattered around. There's probably one somewhere in Tokyo…" Giratina grinned.

"Yeah." Arceus imagined the romantic moment with Giratina. "That would be nice. I hear the Rikiugien Gardens are great, and it doesn't cost much to get in."

"What are you guys going to do?" Giratina asked the others.

"Well, I'm feeling a little hungry. It's around lunch time." said Lugia. "I think Rayquaza, Darkrai, and I will go look around for a local restaurant or something before we go sight-seeing. Have a guy's lunch out."

"As long as I don't have to be near Shaymin again… I'm happy." Darkrai stated.

"Latias," began Rayquaza. "Do you mind if we-"

"It's no problem, Ray." she replied. "There's plenty of time for sight-seeing. Go ahead. Enjoy your guy's lunch out."

"Oh, don't worry. We will."

Lugia, Rayquaza, and Darkrai agreed to be back at the hotel Arceus made reservations at as they left.

Three guys alone on the streets of Tokyo, Japan…

With thousands of yaoi fangirls among them…

And given the title of this chapter, this probably won't end very well.

* * *

><p>"So, where should we start?" Darkrai wondered.<p>

"Well, do YOU know of any good Japanese restaurants?" Lugia asked with sarcasm dripping from his mouth.

"I don't live here." Darkrai stated matter-of-factly. "What makes you think that I know anything at ALL?!"

"Guys, guys, get off of it." Rayquaza calmed the two down. "Look, I can see several Japanese restaurants from these streets."

It was true. Standing on the busy, crowded streets of Tokyo, there were many buildings. Some of them were little trinket shops, while others were business buildings or flower shops. A couple of Japanese restaurants stood out among all of the buildings.

"Let's head over to that one." Rayquaza said, pointing to a nice-looking restaurant several hundred feet (or for those of you readers not in the United States, meters) in front of them.

As they walked (rather closely together, I might add), their attractive appearances along with their close proximity caught the attention of numerous yaoi fangirls on the streets. Their creepy smiles and staring creeped the three out as they walked faster to the restaurant. As they increased their velocity, so did the fangirls. As the fangirls approached closer and closer, the three made a mad dash for sanctuary.

The three learned the hard way to never underestimate how fast yaoi fangirls can run.

* * *

><p>The three were just in sight of the safety of the restaurant. Darkrai, being the fastest, made it to the door first and frantically slammed it behind him. Unfortunately, this left Lugia and Rayquaza in the evil hands of the yaoi fangirls. One of the girls looked over the two.<p>

"We may not have that cute-looking bad boy bishie… but we're going to have SO much fun together!" screamed their leader, binding the two together with ropes so they couldn't escape.

Lugia and Rayquaza could only whimper.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile (because I decided to go to a happier place and not think of the nasty things that the fangirls will do)…<p>

Kyogre was relaxing at the only beach located inside Tokyo, Odaiba Beach. Even if it was only an artificial beach, the replication was spot-on. The soothing waves, the soft sand, and the blue sky. It was all perfect. While the others go sight-seeing, she generally prefers to stay by the beaches, since she loves water. Being an attractive blue-haired female in human forme, she naturally had several handsome men waiting on her hand and foot as she stretched in a beach recliner.

"Be a dear and go fetch me an iced tea, would you?" she said to one of the many black-haired Japanese males. He immediately complied, with no hypnotism required.

Latias, on the other hand, was playing in the sand. Like the little kid she was on the inside, she had built a sand castle. It entertained her to no end as she filled up the pail with sand and stack it to make 'towers'. Kyogre had not paid much attention to Latias' castle building as she went back to sun-bathing. However, she eventually took notice when the castle blocked the sunlight, towered over her, and THE ENTIRE FREAKIN' BEACH.

"What on Earth?" she muttered. She found herself staring at a sand castle the size of the Chrysler Building. "…Great. Her dumbass castle is blocking my sun. Looks like I need to take care of this."

She grumbled as she walked over to the ginormous castle. Latias had gone the whole nine yards. The castle could even be walked into, with hallways, stairs, and everything.

"She did this in just a few hours?" she muttered. She navigated the hallways, trying to find Latias.

"Latias?!" she yelled, her echo reverberating through the empty hallway.

Nothing. She looked to her left, and saw a stairway she could go up.

"Oh, please don't tell me I'll have to end up walking all the way to the top." she sighed.

(Guess what she got to do?)

3 hours later…

"*huff* *huff* *huff* Why didn't she bother installing an elevator into this damn thing?!" she yelled out to the sky.

"Well, you could have teleported up here like I did." came a soft voice behind her.

She turned around to see a small brown-haired girl, who she knew was Latias in human forme. Latias had wanted her human forme to be of Bianca of Altomare, since the two were close friends.

"*huff* Latias, can I ask you something?" Kyogre growled.

"Yes?" she approached Kyogre innocently.

"…" Kyogre did her best not to screech at her, since she had a short temper. "Latias… could you please take this castle down?"

"Why? Is something wrong?" Latias wondered.

"Is something wrong?" Kyogre mimicked condescendingly. "YES, SOMETHING'S WRONG! You're blocking my damn sun!"

"Well, I worked really hard on this. Do you mind simply moving somewhere else on the beach?"

"Latias, your entire castle blocking the sun from reaching any of the beach!"

"B-But I don't want to take it down."

"Now." Kyogre ordered.

"B-But-"

"NOW!" she demanded again.

"…No." Latias refused.

"…What do you mean, 'no'?"

"I said 'no'. It's my castle. I worked this hard on it. I'm not taking it down."

"Argh." Kyogre groaned. "Then I'll just take it down myself!" She kicked downward forcefully to get the sand to collapse, but it was like kicking concrete. Obviously, her foot hurt from trying that.

"Ow! What the-"

"I packed the sand in so tightly that it couldn't simply be kicked down. It would need something much more powerful than that, Kyogre."

Kyogre sighed, and then looked out into the ocean. Smiling to herself, she looked at Latias. Latias knew what she was thinking.

"You wouldn't dare."

"I would."

"You're bluffing. You wouldn't cause THAT much property damage to the bay just to get at me. The costs would be enormous. Japan's still recovering from the Tohoku Earthquake and tsunami. My answer's still no."

Blinded by anger, she screamed at Latias. "OH YEAH?! JUST WATCH ME!"

She motioned at the water, causing it to ripple. The water vibrated faster and faster and faster until it rose into the air. Latias had realized at what she had accidentally unleashed.

"Oh no."

* * *

><p>"NO! GOD, MAKE IT STOP!" Lugia screamed as he was forced a house and into undressing, and into a new outfit. "NO, ANYTHING BUT CROSS-DRESSING INTO A BONDAGE SLAVE'S OUTFIT! NOOOOOOOOO!"<p>

"Oh, dear sweet bishie." coaxed the leader of the yaoi fangirls. "You are so lucky. You get to be the UKE, while that green haired Latino gets to be your SEME! I'm so jealous!"

Lugia attempted to jump over the fangirls and escape like he did with Zekrom, but he couldn't cover the distance. The fangirls were EVERYWHERE, covering every escape route. Door, windows, chimney, and the fangirls completely swarmed him. His regular clothes were torn off of him, and into the submissive's outfit, with a slave mask, collar, tight latex outfit and ball-gag and his hands and feet tied tightly with ropes. He wept as he was humiliated and couldn't fight back.

"OH!"

"KAWAII!"

"I WANT TO (censored) HIM SO MUCH!"

"Hold up!" shrieked the leader. "What I say goes! Lock him up in the closet until we get the seme ready!"

The fangirls complied, doing as their leader told them. They tossed the helpless Lugia into the closet, leaving to get their seme.

* * *

><p>Lugia quietly wept as he pondered his fate. Being forced into that outfit was bad enough, but would he be forced into having gay sex with Rayquaza? The thought shook his bones to the very core, and Rayquaza would've hated it too, already having a loving relationship with Latias. Then and there, he decided to get out as quickly as possible.<p>

He tried to stand up, failing multiple times with the ropes on his legs. But he wouldn't give up. Eventually, he got himself to stand upright. The next step was for him to cut the ropes, but with the slave mask over his face, he couldn't see. This forced him to feel around to try and find a sharp object. He clutched around with his hands until he felt something sharp penetrate his skin, causing him to bleed.

_"Perfect." _he thought. _"Should be sharp enough."_

He grabbed the object, and slowly yet surely began to slice through the ropes.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile with Rayquaza…<p>

"I'm not having gay sex with Lugia!" Rayquaza shouted as they forced him into the 'dominator' outfit consisting of a leather jacket, black jeans, black rubber-soled boots, and also giving him a whip and a taser.

"You're the seme!" said the leader cheerfully. "You need to show him who's REALLY in charge and put him in his place!"

"You're all crazy!" he yelled. "You're all horny, demented, 15-year-old yaoi fangirls!"

"YES, WE ARE! AND WE'RE PROUD OF IT!"

Rayquaza stared at them in horror, trying to figure out if they were high, insane, evil, or all three.

"Now, let's take him to the uke!" she cheered as they left for where they had tossed Lugia.

_"Probably all three." _he thought to himself as he was forced to follow them. Once they showed him Lugia, he would grab him and get the both of them out of there.

* * *

><p><em>"Almost got it… done!"<em> the object had sliced through the ropes around Lugia's hands, freeing them. Feeling around his legs, he also cut through the ropes around them. Finally, feeling at the back of the mask, he unlatched it and took it off, along with the ball gag.

"Yes, I'm free!" He grabbed the door handle and turned it, only to discover it was locked. "Oh, you've got to be joking me."

* * *

><p>"Ready to train that slave, Mr. Seme?" grinned the leader of the yaoi fangirls psychotically.<p>

"Uhh…" Rayquaza stammered. He REALLY didn't want to do anything to Lugia. Sure, he (technically, Latias) had tied him up earlier in Australia, but that was just for fun. He would never actually HURT Lugia. He didn't want to. Only he and Latias played around like that, but that was consensual and they took the proper precautions. These fangirls had to have a sick and corrupted mind to want to force two guys against their will into having gay sex as a seme and uke. He had to get out with Lugia safely, and fast.

He peeked at the taser. _"This might be useful on the fangirls."_

"...Let's start, I guess." he said, faking enthusiasm.

The yaoi fangirls screamed with glee, as they teared open the door Lugia was behind. To their complete and total surprise, Lugia was unmasked and without his ropes.

Lugia and Rayquaza looked at each other and smiled.

"You thinking what I'm thinking?" the green-haired Latino said.

"Oh, yes I am." answered the Caucasian man with white spiky hair.

The two rushed forward, grabbing each other's hand and spun like a saw, starting to knock out the many yaoi fangirls. And they also somehow slowed down time. One would assume this is because it's an action scene. However, in reality, Dialga was at the Hall of Origin, slowing down time to extend how long Victini was forced to hear bad puns from Registeel for shattering her Adamant Orb. And also being stupid enough to brag about it in front of her. Pro-tip: Don't make Dialga mad.

"And so two atoms are walking down the street." Registeel began. "One panics as he lost an electron. The other asks him, 'Are you sure?' He answers, 'I'm POSITIVE!' Get it? Because when an atom loses an electron, it becomes positive! See, it's funny!"

"Oh God! Bad puns AND learning! Dialga, make it stop! I'm sorry!"

* * *

><p>Anyways, back to the action scene.<p>

The two slowly kicked at the yaoi fangirls as they spun around. Blood splat out from their heads as they were all eventually knocked unconscious. Once the last yaoi fangirl was unconscious, time resumed normally and they landed on their feet.

Lugia spoke. "Rayquaza, I can't thank you enough for helping me out there."

"It's no problem…"Rayquaza said, curiously eyeing Lugia's outfit. "…Why are you in… that?"

Lugia looked away from Rayquaza, ashamed of himself. "They forced that on me… along with some other stuff still in the closet. They ripped off my clothes, so now I have nothing else to wear. I couldn't do anything to protect myself. I was weak. There were so many…"

Lugia sighed as he sat down in a nearby chair. Rayquaza walked towards him, tossing the whip and taser onto the ground.

"Lugia… sometimes, we all just need a little help. Whether that be physical help, mental help, or spiritual help, we all need it sometimes. I learned that a long time ago, after Latios passed away. This isn't your fault or mine. We couldn't outrun them. Just thank God that we were able to break free and knock them out."

"But what now?" Lugia asked. "I can't go out into public with this on! The reactions would be… well, I don't know but I certainly don't want to go out into public with THIS on!"

"Relax, Lugia. Don't worry." Rayquaza tried to comfort him. "My clothes are still upstairs in this house. I'll change into them, head to a clothing store, and buy some new human clothes for you."

"You sure? You're not going to be evil and repeat the Schlitterbahn incident?"

"I wouldn't do that to you twice. And this is a much worse situation. Trust me, Lugia."

"…All right, then. I guess I don't have much choice."

"I'll be back as soon as I can!" Rayquaza said, going upstairs and changing into his normal outfit. He was about to leave when Lugia spoke again.

"Rayquaza? What… what if the fangirls wake up while you're gone? They'll tie me up and put that mask on again…" Lugia shuttered.

"Hmm… hey Lugia?"

"Yeah?"

"How did you free your hands from the ropes?"

"Well in the closet, I think I found something sharp like a knife in there." Lugia answered.

Rayquaza walked over to the closet door and opened it. After looking around for a bit, he found the sharp object Lugia was talking about. Indeed, it truly was a knife. He backed out of the closet, looking at the unconscious yaoi fangirls.

"Rayquaza… are you going to do what I think you're going to-"

STAB!

Rayquaza had used the knife to stab through the heart of the ruthless and cruel leaders of the yaoi fangirls. Lugia was in awe and in shock.

"Did you just-"

"Once they see what happened to their demented leader, they'll leave you alone. I guarantee it." Rayquaza walked out of the house with those words.

* * *

><p><em>Pokémon © Nintendo  Game Freak_

Yes! The long awaited Chapter 13 of Pokémon World Tour is here! I hope you guys enjoy it, and don't forget to vote for your favorite character in my poll on my profile!


	14. The Lying Game

Pokémon World Tour

Chapter 14: The Lying Game

* * *

><p>"Now what do I do?"<p>

Lugia sat on the couch in the house, staring at the single dead body in front of him. He was the only soul in the household. The other fangirls had already fled, terrified of becoming the next victim.

"Was killing her really necessary, Rayquaza?" Lugia thought in the back of his head. He sighed as he sat there, shifting and squeaking uncomfortably in his suit.

"I hope Rayquaza gets here soon. This thing is starting to chafe…"

Lugia decided to get up and take a look around the house to get his mind off of things. The house was a lot bigger than he thought it was coming in. Then again, he was kind of panic mode at the time, so he didn't really pay attention to such a minor detail.

"Aren't Japanese houses normally smaller than this?" he wondered, exploring the kitchen and living area of the house. He noticed a see through slide door that led outside. Looking through it, he realized that this was the outskirts of Tokyo, with a beautiful view of a forest area below, and the main city much further away.

His thoughts trailed back to the insane yaoi fangirl. Traveling back to the room, he looked at her. She couldn't have been a day over 13. How would her parents react to seeing their dead child? He quickly felt guilty for the murder, even if she was insane.

He sighed. He knew what he was going to do next, though he also knew that he would deeply regret it. Putting his hands over the girl, he used 'Recover' to heal the girl. His hands glowed and bathed the girl into gentle, white light.

"Hopefully," he thought. "This will be enough to revive her."

The light disappeared, and Lugia took his hands off of the girl. She should wake up any minute.

Any minute…

Any minute now…

Tension set in as Lugia realized that 'Recover' didn't work. Then he remembered that the move only worked on hurt or unconscious beings. In his haste, he thought he could bring back the dead, but the move didn't work that way.

Lugia sighed. He still felt guilt over her death. How would her parents react to this when they came home? Not to mention the embarrassment of a little girl's parents seeing an adult male in their house with a full-blown rubber/bondage suit on…

He heard the door knocking. He gulped nervously.

"For the love of Arceus, PLEASE be Rayquaza!" he thought anxiously. Rushing over to the front door and peering through the eyehole, he groaned softly when he saw the two Japanese parents carrying groceries. He unlocked the door for them (even though they would have had a key) and let them in, knowing that he would have to fess up.

"…Koniciwha?" Lugia said nervously as the two adults came in, stunned at Lugia's sight.

"…Who in the hell ARE you and what are you doing in MY house?!" the black-haired male adult yelled furiously at him. Lugia sighed again, both in relief and anxiety. Relief because the almighty author gave him his permission to communicate and anxiety because he still had to confess that, thanks to his friend 'Raymond', their daughter was dead. The wife set the groceries on the counter as Lugia continued.

"This is… difficult and incredibly awkward for me to explain… but… your d-d-d…" Lugia stuttered.

"Spill it." the husband said. "Or I'm getting my grandfather's katana out."

Lugia gulped, knowing that he would have to break the parents' hearts.

"…Your daughter is dead. And it's my fault." he told them, taking the hit for the Pokémon that was just trying to help him.

He expected the parents to scream at him, or simply stand there in stunned silence. But instead, the husband had something to say.

"What are you talking about? I don't have a daughter."

"And I know that no-" Lugia stopped when he heard the guy say that he DIDN'T HAVE A FREAKIN' DAUGHTER. "Wait, WHAT?!"

"I don't have a daughter." the man said again. "My wife is pregnant with our son now. I believe the girl you are talking about is the 13 year old yaoi fangirl demon that haunts this house. Well, used to haunt, if you truly DID kill her."

Lugia's jaw stretched several feet that day, hitting the floor as the man continued to explain. "Every week, the demon would leave our house for one day to capture at least one to three, but sometimes even more, bishonen men. We always freed the men as soon as we could, but she always did her dirty work whenever I and the missus were out. We've attempted to kill this horrific demon multiple times, but you… you truly DID manage to kill the vile thing?"

"…Yes?" Lugia replied nervously.

Lugia was met with a ferocious hug from both the wife and husband, both happy that the demon was long gone and cast back into Hell. The hug was something unusual because most Japanese aren't very physical in affection.

"Thank you. Thank you so much." the wife whispered joyously.

"Uh, you're welcome?"

The man backed off of Lugia. "But… what are you doing in… that?" he said, motioned at the rubber gear Lugia was wearing.

Lugia blushed, realizing how embarrassing a situation he had gotten himself in. "That's the… yaoi fangirls' doing. My friend scared the rest of them off."

"We have some extra clothes for you if you would like to use them." the woman assured him. "It's the least we could do after what you did for us"

Lugia shook his head. "I appreciate the offer, ma'am. However, my friend has already left and he's coming back with some new clothes for me to wear."

The woman smiled softly. "Well, how about some tea then?"

Lugia smiled back. "Thank you. I would love some tea."

* * *

><p>Rayquaza had finally made all of the purchases for Lugia's clothes. It surprised him how far he had to walk to get to the main city where the shops all were. He had some cash left over, and the first matter of course for him was to find a cab to take him back this time. He walked around with the clothing bags in both hands, trying to find a taxi. He finally ended up near one of those artificial beaches. For some strange reason the taxis, along with all of the other cars were all driving in one direction at top speed.<p>

"Why are they all driving that way? It's as if they are all running away from…"

Just then, he heard a giant tidal wave behind him. He turned around, seeing it rise up from 40 feet above, coming close to crashing down on him and the rest of the city. Knowing he needed to act fast, he dropped the bags and jumped up into the air. He transformed back from human forme to Pokémon in mid-air, flying up higher to try to stop the wave. In a matter of seconds, the entire city would drown and crash in another disaster they didn't need.

_"Rayquaza, think! What counters water? Electricity would cause too volatile of a reaction to use… wait, a Grass-type move! I think I have a few in my moveset!"_

Rayquaza flew up towards the sun, trying to get as close as possible in as little time as possible. He charged SolarBeam, praying that the attack would launch before the giant tidal wave made contact with the ground.

The tidal wave continued to descend on the city, about to destroy the first building when SolarBeam finished charging. He quickly fired it at the wave, and it caused the wave to quickly evaporate into the air due to the intense heat applied to it.

And as soon as it had started, it was over.

He sighed in relief. "Thank goodness that's over. That certainly could've gone worse. What on Earth could have caused that?"

His eyes' widened. There was only one person, or rather Pokémon, he knew who could generate waves that big.

"KYOGRE!" he screamed into the air.

At this point, Kyogre was already making a break for it. Latias was hiding inside the castle, watching her flee. Once you get Rayquaza mad, it's generally a good idea to get out and STAY OUT of his way. And may God have mercy on the poor soul who aroused his anger… oh wait, that's Kyogre. Never mind.

Rayquaza dived down from the air, going back into human forme just as he made contact with the ground. He promptly picked up his bags and ran after the Water-type Legendary.

"KYOGRE!" he yelled at her. "GET BACK HERE! YOU ARE SO GOING TO REGRET WHAT YOU DID!"

"Not if you can't catch me!"

Rayquaza grit his teeth as he continued to run after his Water counterpart.

* * *

><p>"You know, these gardens are beautiful."<p>

Giratina and Arceus were at the Rikugien Gardens tucked away at a corner of Tokyo. They had managed to escape all of the hustle and bustle of the city, and get some quiet time for themselves. And the gardens were indeed quite beautiful for being trapped in the city. While the entire 'garden' simply consisted of a small pond, trees, and a hill, it was still a pretty nice place to be at.

"They really are." Arceus answered Giratina.

The two of them sat on the pond's edge, with their legs in the water. They enjoyed the simple view the gardens gave them, taking in the scenery and sitting in silence. Eventually, Giratina broke said silence.

"So… I was going to have Darkrai ask you something for me earlier, but I wanted to say it myself."

Arceus then made direct eye contact with Giratina, her interest now piqued. The result made Giratina more nervous to tell her, but he knew that he needed to come out with it. He had to propose.

"Umm… Arceus."

"Yes?"

"This is… really hard for me to tell you, but I've been wanting to say it ever since we left on this trip in the first place. I…" Giratina stumbled. "I…"

"Giratina, don't worry." Arceus assured him, knowing the exact words he would use. "You can say it."

This gave Giratina the boost of confidence that he desperately needed and finally came out with the words.

"Arceus, will you be my-"

"Get back here, you irresponsible, ignorant BITCH!" came the yell of Rayquaza from almost a mile away.

"What was that?" Arceus wondered, standing up and walking away to investigate. Giratina was cursing at himself for screwing YET AGAIN.

"NOT. AGAIN! DAMN IT! DAMN IT! DAMN IT!" he violently screamed at the top of his lungs. Arceus either ignored or didn't notice Giratina's loud cursing as the sound of two chasing each other became even louder than said cursing.

The two humans chasing each other came into clear view, and Arceus sighed when she realized it was Kyogre and Rayquaza.

"This should turn out well." Arceus sighed. "It always does, doesn't it?"

The two were getting closer and closer to Arceus as Rayquaza chased after the blue orca, so she decided to wait until they got close enough and then strike with a vengeance for ruining her date with Giratina.

She raised her hands into the sky as they approached, preparing an attack. When they were just a few feet away from her, she struck down, hitting both of them with Judgment at maximum power. The attack instantly knocked them away from each other and depleted their energy. They were both going to have to tend to rather severe burns later that day.

"Just what's going on here?" Arceus demanded of her children. "Giratina and I were having a great time here, and you screw it up with your giant fiasco! What the hell IS going on between you guys anyways?!" She was ready to launch another Judgment attack should Kyogre and Rayquaza refuse her answers.

Then Rayquaza began to talk REALLY fast. "…Kyogre nearly drowned Tokyo in her anger while I was trying to shop for new clothes for Lugia because he's stuck in a black bondage suit in some crazy yaoi chick's house!"

Arceus blinked. What she had just heard was one of the weirdest things she had EVER heard someone speak. She stood there, trying to comprehend it. "Huh? Wha…? This has to be a joke. How… I mean… why… what? Who would…?"

"Girls." Rayquaza answered as he quivered in fear. "Very scary, very INSANE girls."

"You have to be making this up to get out of trouble. There's no way that anyone could possibly be so demented."

"Mother, I couldn't make this stuff up even if I tried. My mind simply couldn't up with something that insane by itself." Rayquaza told her honestly.

"…True… This is the kind of insanity I'd expect to hear from Mew, but you? Maybe…" Arceus then walked over to Kyogre. "So then, what's your side of the story?"

"I was just sitting at the beach, minding my own business when Rayquaza comes after me, jealous that I was spending time with Latias. He went full-blown insane, Mom. Just listen to the things he's spitting out. Lugia in a bondage suit stuck in a yaoi fangirl's house? It's obvious that he's either lying to get out of trouble or he needs to be admitted to a psych ward." she lied through her teeth. "You said it yourself Mother, this is what you'd expect to hear from Mew, not Rayquaza."

"You LIAR!" Rayquaza yelled. "Because of you, you almost drowned Tokyo while they're still in the middle of recovering! Just for revenge on Latias! You hate her. I know it. Ever since I married her, you've been constantly vying for my affections and trying to get Latias out of the picture since I don't love you!"

"Mother, listen to him. He's gone off of the deep end. We need to send him to a mental home before he gets worse. For everyone's sake."

"Hmm…" Arceus backed away from Kyogre and faced the two together, along with Giratina. "Two conflicting stories… so only one can be truth. There must be a way… I got it."

She turned to face Giratina, still frustrated over not being able to say it… again.

"Giratina?" Arceus asked him.

Giratina sighed, turning to face Arceus. "Yeah?"

"I know you had something important to say before we got interrupted, and I think I know what it is… but before you ask me, may I please have a favor?"

"Sure. Anything for you, Arcy."

The nickname that once made her fuel with rage was now making her blush. She smiled sheepishly, and then she recomposed herself to request Giratina's assistance.

"Giratina, if you don't mind, I'd like you to probe both Kyogre's and Rayquaza's mind. I need to know which one of them is telling me the truth."

"Sure, no problem."

Giratina approached the two, both of them too energy drained from Arceus's attack to resist his mind reading. He hovered his left hand over Kyogre's head and his right over Rayquaza's.

Kyogre knew she was screwed since she couldn't fib her way out of a mind reading. The mind read analyzes what happened previously from both points of view, and compares it against the truth. Rayquaza sighed in relief, knowing the truth would come out.

Giratina returned to Arceus, having completed the mind scan.

"So? Who's telling the truth?" Arceus asked.

Giratina thought about this. He knew who was telling the truth, but Arceus didn't. And Arceus was going to be the one to hand out the eventual punishment. He could say Kyogre to have her return the favor for getting her out of punishment. Or he could say Rayquaza was the truthful one and Kyogre was lying. To him, this is what it came down to: Who will be the better servant for him in the future?

* * *

><p><em>Pokémon © Nintendo  Game Freak_

_Insane Yaoi Fangirls © Satan and the Circle of Hell_

GASP! A cliffhanger! How could I DARE do such a horrific thing? XP

Anyway… yeah, this was a pretty short chapter, but I think it was good overall. I was short on ideas this time around, but I still think it turned out better than Chapter 6. As always, read and review!


	15. The End of the Rising Sun

Pokémon World Tour

Chapter 15: The End of the Rising Sun

A/N: I know this is a bit out there for me to write at the beginning of a chapter, but I feel it's important. In all seriousness, I want to thank all of you guys (and girls, I haven't forgotten about you) for reading this. In just a year, thanks to this fic and Breaking the Chains, my popularity has soared here on to ludicrous degrees that I never would have first imagined. Of course, I couldn't have done it without all of the positive reception I got back. I've always loved writing, but when you have people eagerly waiting your next chapter to come out and genuinely enjoy your works… it means so much to me as a writer. It really motivates me to do my best. Again, thank you for sticking through this fic's shaky update schedule due to my rather unpredictable real life. But I finished Breaking the Chains. If I can do that, I can most certainly see my most popular fic come to a (hopefully) satisfying conclusion. But enough about me rambling on about sentimental stuff. Onto the next chapter!

* * *

><p><strong>"YEP. WE LEFT ON A CLIFFHANGER LAST CHAPTER. YOU GUYS PROBABLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO GIRATINA AND KYOGRE. HOWEVER, FOR THE TIME BEING, WE WILL FOCUS ON MEW AND SHAYMIN. BECAUSE I'M A JERK LIKE THAT."<strong>

"Could you keep it down, Mr. Author? I'm TRYING to pull off an evil plot on Darkrai again."

**"FINE. SHEESH."**

"Thank you."

Once again, she was trying to pull off yet another twisted insane scheme. But really, what did you expect from her at this point? She hid underneath the booth Darkrai was sitting at. He was forlorn as he debated over what had just happened in the past hour. Meanwhile, the waitress at the booth was still waiting for Darkrai to place his order.

"I chickened out." he realized, his voice eerily monotone. "I absolutely chickened out. I was too scared to go save them, and I STILL am. What kind of Legendary Pokémon am I?"

At this point, the waitress groaned. This customer had been here for an entire hour, wallowing in his pathetic self-pity. And quite frankly, it was also a bit creepy.

"Sir, can you please order something?" the waitress said.

Darkrai didn't seem to hear her. He simply held up his menu in front of him and gazed into the nothingness beyond it, lost within his thoughts.

The waitress would not take any more BS. She had a job to do, and she was going to get it done, no matter what. "SIR!"

This caught Darkrai's attention, who looked at the waitress with a lifeless and painful expression in his eyes. The gray in his eyes had faded nearly a dull blank. "Can you just leave me alone to be sucked into my own dark void of nothingness?"

The waitress was startled by this. She wasn't quite sure what to do. After all she was a waitress, not a counselor. Instead of deciding to push the matter further, she went to attend to another customer.

Shaymin, believe it or not, actually listened to the conversation that had taken place between them.

"Wow. I have never seen someone so… so… lifeless. Darkrai's never been this depressed before. Not even the time I broke his 1969 all four Beatles-signed record of Abbey Road was he this depressed. Should I…" She started to think to herself. "Well… if I pull my little stunt on him now, he probably wouldn't even care. And it's no fun if he doesn't have a reaction. That's the whole reason why I prank him in the first place!"

She groaned. "Well, somebody's gonna have to snap him out of this. And it looks like that 'somebody' is going to have to be me."

Getting out from under the booth, she sat on the seat across from the Dark-type Legendary. "So, how are you Darkrai?" she asked, already knowing her answer.

Darkrai set the menu down, and folded it up very neatly before pushing it to the side of the booth next to the wall.

_"He's never that meticulous." _Shaymin noted.

"Alive." he monotonically said, answering Shaymin's question. "Mostly."

"Wow, you ARE depressed." Shaymin said, actually concerned. "You really need help, you know that?"

**"…HOLD UP. YOU, SHAYMIN, THE PSYCHOPATHIC SOCIOPATHIC INSANE BITCH, IS ACTUALLY CARING ABOUT ANOTHER LIVING BEING. OH… MY… GOSH. THIS MOMENT MUST BE SAVORED AND TREASURED FOR ALL-"**

"Oh, shut it author. Before I leap out of this fanfic and rewrite the story with me as dictator."

**"…never mind…"**

The conversation caught Darkrai's attention, and he actually chuckled a little bit. "That's not unlike you, Shaymin. Given, you know, your general insanity."

"Psycho and proud." she smirked. "But seriously, I have never seen you so… so… dead, without actually being dead. What's going on?"

Darkrai sighed, thinking about the past events. "I…" he stopped for a moment. "Wait a second. You love to prank and humiliate me, the same way Rayquaza loves blackmail. Why should I tell you?"

Shaymin sighed. "I confess. I was going to prank you, but then I saw you sitting here, being like… this. And, you know, there's no point to pulling a prank on you if you wouldn't even have a reaction. It sucks all the fun away."

"Yeah… it probably does, doesn't it?"

"So, what's going on? What's your problem?" Shaymin asked.

"…I chickened out, that's my problem."

"Yeah, I heard that from under the booth… but chickened out of what?"

Darkrai sighed. "Well, I might as well tell you. Earlier today, me, Lugia and Rayquaza went out for some lunch. We were looking for a nice restaurant to go to. Unfortunately, we were also three bishonen males out on the streets of Tokyo, Japan."

Shaymin nodded. "I think I see where this is going."

Darkrai continued. "We were chased by… fangirls. Very scary, very insane fangirls. The yaoi kind."

"Oh dear god." Shaymin realized. "So… you guys escaped?"

"Well, I did. Lugia and Rayquaza… not so much. I slammed the door behind them and kept it shut because I didn't want to be attacked by those… demons. Demons from Hell, that's the best way to describe them."

"You mean to say, that you left Lugia and Rayquaza, two bishonen males in Human Forme, out there? With fangirls more psychotic than me?"

Darkrai slinked back in the chair, cowering. "…Kinda. I… don't know where they took them. I've been sitting here ashamed of myself since."

Shaymin sighed. "You know what, Darkrai? I'm going to be blunt with you. You should've manned up. You should've helped them fight off those insane creatures, and MAYBE they wouldn't have been kidnapped!"

Darkrai sighed again. "I know…"

"But…" Shaymin interrupted.

"But what?"

"Sure, you cowered out. And sure, you could've handled the situation better. But you know what? You can't change what happened. We didn't bring Dialga with us. And it's time for you to stop moping around in here and make things right. It's time for you to man up, get out of here, and save their asses."

"I suppose you're right…"

"No. I AM right." she told him upfront.

"But I don't even know where they took them. How am I supposed to figure out where they are?"

"Darkrai, let me tell you something about insane yaoi fangirls. Wherever they go, they leave a path of destruction and devastation behind. It's only been… how long has it been?"

**"THREE HOURS."**

"Oh thank you. Darkrai, it's only been three hours. Just look outside. There is a pretty obvious path of destruction they created. Just follow the path of torn down buildings, the smashed up walls, and the bodies of dead people." she smiled. "You'll be there in no time."

Darkrai looked at her in complete horror. "Suddenly, I wish I wasn't in this story anymore."

Shaymin crawled up onto the table. "Now, get out of here and save them. Before I throw a Seed Flare in your face."

"Y-Yes, ma'am."

Darkrai dashed out of the restaurant, leaving a satisfied Shaymin behind. She smirked. "Once he rescues those guys, I'll find a way to make all three of their lives total hell." She then laughed very evilly, rivaling the Joker's laugh in terms of complete insanity and evil. As she did, everyone in the restaurant hauled their ass out of there.

**"THAT'S SHAYMIN FOR YOU, PEOPLE."**

* * *

><p>"So, which one of you really is telling the truth?" Arceus asked.<p>

Kyogre and Rayquaza waited with anxious hearts, hoping Giratina would be the one to support their story.

"Giratina?" Arceus asked again.

Giratina thought about this for a moment. He thought about the pros and cons of either lying or telling the truth. If he lied and said Kyogre was truthful, then he would get Kyogre in debt to him and Rayquaza punished. On the other hand, he considered Rayquaza to be a friend of sorts. Even if Rayquaza himself wasn't always completely honest, and a little bizarre, he always would stick up for Giratina if he was the one in this situation. Plus, having Rayquaza as his servant in debt would be very entertaining and interesting. And also, Giratina would never say it, but he kinda thought Kyogre was a bit of a bitch.

"Giratina? You better not be fantasizing about me again."

"Oh, don't worry Arcy. I can tell you who is perfectly honest and who is a despicable liar.

Kyogre gulped.

"Out with it." Arceus commanded.

In an overly dramatic pose, he threw his right arm back and gave the pointer finger to Kyogre. "OBJECTION! Kyogre, you are clearly the liar!"

Rayquaza sighed in indescribable relief while Kyogre knew that she would be experiencing hell.

"As I thought." Arceus concluded. She walked up to Kyogre, who was legitimately horrified by what kind of punishment Arceus would come up with.

"So, you're the liar. It doesn't surprise me."

Kyogre was trying to keep her focus as she was sweating bullets. "G-G-Giratina's lying to you!"

Arceus laughed. "Oh please. If he was lying to me, I'd know. Giratina can't lie to save his life, and we all know that. Now, all that remains is for your punishment…"

Kyogre started to breathe heavily in panic, knowing that she was going to get it. "Please don't obliterate me to smithereens and spread my remains across the galaxies."

Arceus chuckled. "You think I'm going to kill you? Please, that would be letting you off lightly. I've got something much worse than that…"

"…"

Arceus's tone turned deadly. "When we get home, I will get Manaphy and have her swap your body with a Magikarp, and leave you for a month IN A HELPLESS PUDDLE!"

Kyogre shook in fear. "Y-You can't do that!" she yelled horrifically. "W-What about my duties as the guardian of the oceans?!"

"Kyogre, the oceans have a natural ecological system, and will not need you. Should something happen, I will simply send in Suicune and Keldeo for the job."

Kyogre whimpered.

"But for now, enjoy the rest of your trip!" Arceus said cheerily to mock her.

Rayquaza ran up to Giratina, and even hugged him out of sheer happiness. "Oh, thank you so much Giratina!" Rayquaza said to him. "I can't thank you enough for helping me out and telling her the truth!"

Giratina chuckled. "As Arceus said, I can't lie to save my life. Plus, you know, it's about time someone punished Kyogre. She's kind of a bi… well, she really deserves it after that kind of crap she pulled. Plus… well, you're my friend. And friends help each other out in times of need."

Rayquaza smiled. "I'm so glad you did. If there's anything I can do for you…"

"Oh, don't worry about that. You'll be doing plenty for me."

Rayquaza seemed a bit puzzled by this. "What do you mean?"

Giratina chuckled. "All in good time, my dear servant. All in good time."

Rayquaza was getting the implications of this already. He sighed. "Looks like I'm in debt to you, huh?"

"You guessed it."

He shrugged. "You're a good enough guy. And I don't exactly mind being on the bottom all that much, so… whatever."

Giratina laughed. "Glad you see it that way. Now go get me some ice-cream."

"Alright. Once I get your ice cream though, I'll have to leave for a bit." Rayquaza said to him, departing. On his way out of the gardens, he noticed Darkrai zooming by him incredibly fast. A panicked look was in his eyes, and he didn't notice Rayquaza at all. Rayquaza stood there, blinking for a moment, before he resumed his task.

"Dirty little coward…" he muttered.

* * *

><p>Darkrai kept going, with nothing and no one getting in his way. He intended to make up for his cowardice and turn things right again. Still following the path of destruction left by the yaoi fangirls, it led to a small house just outside of downtown Tokyo, in the suburbs.<p>

"I'm coming, LUGIAAAAAA!" he yelled in the hammiest voice possible, running towards the window and planning to break through. He leapt up towards the window and…

SPLAT!

Lugia looked up from the tea the kindly Japanese folk had given him and looked at the window. He saw Darkrai with his face smashed on the window, not even making a dent in the thick glass. He slowly and humorously slid down the glass, making a 'squeeeeeee' sound.

"Oh, Darkrai…" Lugia sighed.

"Who is that loon?" the woman asked.

"An acquaintance." Lugia groaned, sliding the door open. As soon as he did, Darkrai sprang back up from the ground.

"LUGIA!" he yelled triumphantly. "I've come to save you from the wrath of the yaoi fangirls!"

Silence filled the air as Darkrai looked around. "Uhh… where are they?"

"You're a little late, Mr. Hero." Lugia snarked. "Rayquaza and I rescued ourselves."

"Really?" he asked. After that, he noticed the latex suit Lugia still had on. "Uhh… what's with the suit?"

"It's a long story. I'm actually growing to like it, though." Lugia chuckled. "They offered some clothes for me, but Rayquaza's already getting me some… wherever the heck he is."

"So, you're not mad at me?"

"Well… I can't exactly blame you for chickening out. Those fangirls were HORRIFYING. They were…" Lugia winced at thinking about it again. "…trying to get me and Rayquaza to have gay sex. It was… dear god, it was awful. Thank goodness we managed to escape, or…" Lugia shuddered.

"So, I'm off scot-free?" Darkrai hoped.

Lugia laughed. "Ha! Not by a long-shot. Me and Rayquaza will get you back for this; you can count on it."

"I'd expect as much from you guys." Darkrai chuckled.

"Still, why don't you join us for some tea? I'll explain this to Rayquaza when he gets back."

"Sure." Darkrai said, walking inside and accepting Lugia's offer.

* * *

><p>"Remind me again why on earth I decided to do this with you of all Pokémon?"<p>

"Because the author needs some way to fill up the word count, silly!"

Jirachi grumbled to himself as he and Mew made their way up Game Freak's Japanese headquarters inside the elevator. Mew was extremely eager to visit their creators, while Jirachi was a bit nervous. In his mind, millions of ways soared that could possibly go wrong. He tried to shake the thought of Satoshi Tajiri being pulled out of the 22nd story window so Mew could take him 'sight-seeing'. Another particular creative one entered his head where Tajiri and the other Game Freak employees were having lunch, and Mew cooked for them. Which, of course, ended up killing them all with horrible food poisoning.

The two finally arrived at the 22nd floor and stepped out of the elevator. They quickly made their way to Tajiri's office, and saw a sign on the door in Japanese.

"Any idea what that means?" Mew asked, confused.

"Beats me."

Mew then took the sign off of the door and beat Jirachi with it over the head. "Oof! Aie! Oww!" he screamed. He groaned soon after Mew was done. "What was that for?"

"You said 'beat me'."

"It was a… never mind." he muttered, knowing Mew wouldn't get it. He rubbed his head as the two walked in. To both of their complete surprise, no one was there.

"Aww… where'd he go?" Mew groaned.

"He's playing hide-and-seek, Mew." Jirachi snarked sarcastically.

"Oh, OK!" Mew exclaimed. "Ollie Ollie oxen free!" she shouted, trying to get him out of hiding. It was then Jirachi covered her mouth.

"Be quiet!" Jirachi whispered harshly at her. "We're supposed to be sneaking in here. We don't have permission to be here."

"Oh, OK." Mew said again, whispering this time. "Ollie Ollie oxen free."

Jirachi resisted the urge to smack her upside the head and walked around the office. "Where could he be anyways?" the Wish Pokémon muttered. Eventually, he came across two files on Tajiri's desk. One in Japanese and one in English. He picked up the English one.

"What's this?" he muttered, reading through the file. He read the title on the cover. "Fanfic author claims to own Pokémon; sued in court by Game Freak and the Pokémon Company."

"Hmm. I wonder who that could be." Jirachi snarked.

**"THAT'S WHAT I GET FOR CLAIMING THAT I OWN THE FRANCHISE. DARN COPYRIGHT LAWS…"**

"Oh look at who decided to arrive." Jirachi snarked once again.

**"HEY, I WAS BUSY IN COURT, OK. I JUST GOT THINGS CLEARED UP AND THE CHARGES AGAINST ME DROPPED, THANK GOD."**

"I noticed. Well, let's get out of here Mew."

Mew promptly began to whine. "But I wanted to meet Tajiri-san!"

**"HMM. SO, YOU WANT TO MEET THE CREATOR OF POKEMON? I CAN MAKE THAT HAPPEN."**

Suddenly, a person was teleported into the room, looking at Mew and Jirachi. Both of them dropped their jaws as they realized who it was.

**"MEET THIS CLONE I MADE OF HIM. HE'S IDENTICAL TO SATOSHI TAJIRI IN EVERY WAY. I CAN'T BRING IN THE REAL ONE DUE TO BUDGET CUTS, BUT YOU SHOULD STILL ENJOY YOURSELVES."**

"Budget cuts?!" Jirachi exclaimed. "This is a fanfic! You can't have budget cuts in a fanfic!"

**"UMM… YEAH… ANYWAY, SEE YOU LATER."**

"AUTHOR!" Jirachi screamed into the air. Mew didn't seem to care at all as she hugged the duplicate Tajiri.

"BEST. DAY. EVER." Mew smiled. She looked up at the clone. "Would you like me to cook something for you?"

* * *

><p>Rayquaza came back to Giratina, holding vanilla, chocolate, strawberry, and cookies and cream flavored ice cream. "I didn't know which flavor you wanted, so I got four." he said, handing them off to Giratina. He picked up the clothes he had purchased for Lugia. "Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get going."<p>

"Fair enough. I'll have more for you to do when we get back on the plane." Giratina told him.

Rayquaza shrugged once more, heading off to where Lugia was as quickly as he could.

And just like Darkrai, Rayquaza used the path of destruction and devastation to get back to the house Lugia was at. Unlike Darkrai decided to do, he simply walked through the front door. He met with surprise as he saw Darkrai, Lugia, and two elderly Japanese folk.

"What's going on here?" Rayquaza asked.

"We'll explain it over tea." Lugia told him as Rayquaza sat down at the table. "Just set the clothes to the side; I'll switch into them later."

* * *

><p>"So… by killing the leader of the yaoi fangirls that held us captive, we halted the plans of an evil ghost living in this house?" Rayquaza said, trying to believe it.<p>

"Not ghost. Demon." Lugia corrected.

"Well, demons would definitely be an accurate term to describe them." Rayquaza added.

"I'm kinda glad I wasn't there to see the bloodshed." Darkrai commented. He then received massive death glares from both Lugia and Rayquaza, causing him to cower in his seat. "…Never mind." he whispered.

"So, that's it?" Rayquaza said. "No more demons? No Satanic uprising? No Antichrist?"

Lugia stared at him oddly. "You're sounding like you WANTED the Apocalypse to happen. Then again…" he stopped as he thought of Rayquaza's more… submissive moments.

"Enough about that." Lugia said. "I think we've had a nice stay at Japan. Why don't we go get Arceus and head somewhere else on this crazy little fanfic?"

The Japanese elders looked at the three oddly-looking people strangely, but didn't bother to question the matter further.

"One problem… we don't know where she is." Darkrai pointed out. "And Tokyo is freaking huge."

"Actually, she's at the Rikugien Gardens in central Tokyo." Rayquaza said.

Darkrai glanced the green haired Latino's way. "And how would you know that?"

"To make a long story short, I ended up running into her while I was fetching Lugia some new clothes. It ended with Kyogre being punished for lying…"

_"Why am I not surprised?"_ Darkrai thought in the back of his head.

"And me being Giratina's servant for a while. I don't really mind, though. He really saved my ass when I needed it. Anyway, let's head out to the Gardens… once Lugia gets changed, of course."

Lugia grabbed the purchased clothes out of the bag and headed out to the bathroom to change. Within 5 minutes' time, he came back dressed in casual clothes and tucked the latex suit he had been wearing back into the bag. The trio dashed out the door and headed towards the main city.

"Why on earth are you keeping that latex suit, anyways?" Darkrai asked as they ran.

Lugia sweatdropped. "Umm… 'cause I look good in it?"

Rayquaza's eyes narrowed as he glanced at Lugia, then the suit, then back to Lugia. He chuckled. "You like it, don't you? Looks like SOMEONE'S picked up a little rubber fixation."

"You're one to talk, Mr. Masochist." Lugia snarked back at him.

Darkrai figured he should interrupt before this fic would have to get an M-rating. "We're at the Gardens now, guys." he said, pointing towards them.

Lugia and Rayquaza stopped their back and forth bantering to see the Gardens right in front of them.

"How… convenient." Darkrai mentioned. The trio ran into the park to see Giratina down on one knee, saying something to Arceus that they couldn't manage to hear. They decided to interrupt.

"Hey! Arceus!" Lugia yelled to her in the distance, interrupting Giratina. Arceus moved away from Giratina and walked over to them. Meanwhile, intelligible curses were softly muttered by Giratina.

"What is it, you clowns?" Arceus asked them.

"You ready to leave?"

"Yeah, just about." Arceus confirmed. "Giratina and I really enjoyed our time here. But we've probably dragged Japan out for long enough. Let's get going."

She turned around to see Giratina madly stomping both of his feet into the ground. "Uh, Giratina?"

Realizing that the love of his life just called his name, Giratina turned around to face Arceus.

"Yes?"

"We're heading out of Japan now. Let's head back to the airport."

Giratina sighed. "All right. But how are we going to get Kyogre, Mew, Jirachi, Latias, and Shaymin back with us? They're probably spread out across all of Tokyo right now."

Arceus chuckled. "Don't worry. I have that taken care of. Kyogre's already in the plane where I kinda sentenced her. As for the others? I've got a Deus Ex Machine to take care of that and get them all back onto the plane."

The five walked out of the park and into a taxi. Somehow, they all managed to fit.

"Don't you mean a Deus Ex Machina?" Giratina tried to correct her.

"Nope. I have a literal Deus Ex Machine back on the plane. I haven't been able to use it in previous countries for some strange unknown reason so I never mentioned it, but now it's working again!"

"How… convenient." Darkrai said once more.

* * *

><p>Finally, the five ended up at the airport. Getting through all of the checks and procedures, they boarded their plane.<p>

"All right, so where is this Deus Ex Machine you were talking about, Arceus?" Darkrai asked.

Arceus led all of them to the main cockpit, where she slid a panel on the dashboard open to reveal a button. A nice big red one. The button said 'Deus Ex Machine: Press during inconvenient incidences.'

Lugia stared at the button. "Can I push the shiny button, mother?"

Arceus rolled her eyes. "Go ahead."

"Yes!" he cheered, slamming his fist onto the button. Immediately, Latias, Mew, Shaymin, and Jirachi teleported into the room.

"What just happened here?" Shaymin asked, irritated. "You interrupted my fun of torturing the CEO of Capcom!"

"Somebody's still angry over the cancellation of Megaman Legends 3, huh?" Giratina sympathized.

"Yes, and I was having a perfectly great time getting my stress out!"

"You know, this is my first appearance within 2 entire chapters." Latias pointed out, squashed among the many Pokéhumans.

"Good thing we're not in human forme, or I'd probably be dead." Jirachi snarked once again.

"Hey Arceus?" Mew asked. "How about the readers decide what country they want to us to go to?"

"Again?" Arceus sighed, depressed. "Why not? I'm sure they'll send us to North Korea just to give us all total and complete hell…"

_Pokémon © Nintendo / Game Freak_

* * *

><p>Yep. Once again, YOU will be able to vote for the country of choice on my profile. This only goes for my profile, since I only have a regular dA account. Again, thanks for sticking by, and be absolutely sure to vote. Voting will end on April 1st. Oh, and North Korea's not going to actually be on the list. I apologize, but seriously. There is no conceivable way to make that even remotely funny. So stop asking. Thank you.<p>

AuraWielder


	16. Viva Las Vegas! (Soulless Heart)

Pokémon World Tour

Chapter 16: Viva Las Vegas! (Soulless Heart)

* * *

><p>"So, where are we going? What torture did the readers vote for this time?" Arceus said, seemingly talking to the air.<p>

**"LOOK AT THE TITLE OF THE CHAPTER, MS. ALMIGHTY GOAT GODDESS."**

Arceus grit her teeth. "How many times do I have to get called a goat in this fanfic?! I look nothing like a goat!" she shouted out.

"That's right, you don't." said Giratina.

"Thank you, Giratina."

"You look like the bastard love child of a llama AND a goat." he corrected. "And then the llama had a brief fling with a hula hoop."

**"AH. THAT IS A MUCH BETTER RESEMBLENCE NOW THAT YOU BRING IT UP, GIRATINA."**

Arceus resisted the urge to (try to) strangle Giratina and the author. "You are so lucky that I can't just leap straight out of this fanfic and into your cozy little home in Texas!"

**"…DID YOU SEE THE CHAPTER TITLE YET, MS. POKEMON GODDESS?"**

"Yeah, I know." she muttered. "We're going to Las Vegas, big whoop. Gambling nights and drunken Legendaries, here we come."

She set the airplane's controls onto auto-pilot again for Las Vegas as she and Giratina left the control room. She also thought about what was in the parentheses of the chapter title, but dismissed it as unimportant.

"Did you really have to side with the author?" Arceus asked Giratina.

"You know me, Arcy. I can't lie to save my own life." he said back to her.

"But there's a difference between telling the truth and flat out insulting me!"

"Hey, I didn't insult you. All I technically did was correct the author."

"Well… that is true…" she muttered. "…Darn it! Why can't I ever stay mad at you for long?!"

Giratina chuckled. "I can have that effect on others. But now if you'll excuse me, I need to remind a servant of mine of his duties to me."

Arceus looked at Giratina, perplexed. "Servant? What…? …Oh yeah. Right. Rayquaza." she said, remembering the events from earlier. "What exactly are you going to have him do?"

"Oh, you'll see." Giratina chuckled again, taking his leave.

Arceus sighed, half in exasperation but half in an odd anticipation. "This should be interesting."

* * *

><p>"Oh, Rayquaza…"<p>

Giratina couldn't help but smirk as he stood outside Rayquaza's door. A groan could be heard from the other side.

"What do you want, Giratina?" Rayquaza griped, reluctantly opening the door.

"That's Master Giratina to you." he smirked slyly, tossing a set of clothes into Rayquaza's hands.

"…A maid outfit?" the serpent muttered confusedly, until he realized just exactly what that outfit entailed for him.

"Really?" Rayquaza sighed. "Of all the outfits you could have me wear, you simply HAD to choose this one?"

"Yes, really." Giratina confirmed. "Now you better slip into those clothes quickly, my dear servant. I have a LOT of work I need for you to do."

"What kind of work are we talking about here, Giratina?" he asked, slipping into the outfit. "This better not be-"

"Relax." Giratina assured him. "It's nothing sexual. And you've probably had more than enough of that than you ever wanted back in Japan. Besides, you still owe me. And it's not Giratina for you." he smirked. "It's MASTER Giratina."

Rayquaza shuddered at the memories. "I don't need reminders." He sighed as he looked at himself. Giratina had pretty much just set up the blackmailer as a prime candidate to be the blackmailed. He slowly bowed, knowing the gimmick that came with having a master. "What do you desire of me, Gira… ugh… I mean, 'Master' Giratina?"

Giratina smiled instead of smirking this time. Remaining silent, he walked away from the room, motioning Rayquaza to follow. The silence began to irk Rayquaza as he was being led somewhere to do something, and he didn't know what. For all he knew, Giratina could've been lying about it being 'nothing sexual'. But he dismissed the thought. Giratina was too NICE to do something along those lines. Still, Rayquaza wanted to know.

"So…"

Giratina started to explain. "Arceus tried to cook a dinner for me and her. However, Mew… wrecked out plans, to say the least. So, what I want you to do is cook up dinner for Arceus and I. And I'll make sure that Mew doesn't screw things up this time."

Rayquaza looked at Giratina in surprise as they continued to walk. "You want ME to cook?" he asked, pointing at himself. Giratina nodded.

"But… I'm not really much of a cook, G… Master." he corrected himself. "You know that, right?"

"I'm aware of that, servant. But there's no need to worry about that. The recipe to make a Couple's Cake is in the kitchen. It IS one of Arceus's favorite meals. And all you need to do is follow the instructions."

Giratina had led Rayquaza to the kitchen of the airplane. They were the only two Pokémon in the area.

"You have two hours." Giratina told him. "And I expect a good dinner for Arceus and I."

Rayquaza grit his teeth. Part of him silently wished that Giratina had lied to Arceus about his fiasco with Kyogre instead. "Yes… Master." he replied, saying the last word with a great disdain in his voice.

"Good boy." Giratina said, playfully mocking him as he patted Rayquaza's head. He then left the serpent to perform his duties.

Rayquaza sighed to himself as he reluctantly accepted his task and position as a servant to Giratina. But all he had to do was cook. Cooking a Couple's Cake couldn't be that hard… right?

"Well… here goes nothing…"

* * *

><p>"Shaymin, for the last time, give me my action figures back!"<p>

A furious Jirachi dashed through the hallways after a certain hedgehog (not the one that's blue, folks). Shaymin had found out about Jirachi's collection of action figures of film stars, comic book heroes, ponies, etc. At first, she didn't really care after hearing the conversation from Jirachi and Rayquaza. However, when she looked up the value of all of the action figures he had, she realized she could take a money bath in an Olympic-size swimming pool from selling them on eBay.

Hence, the stealing.

"Give those back, Shaymin!"

"No way!" Shaymin declared. "With these dinky things, I'm going to be stinking filthy rich! And I'm not sharing a single cent with you!"

"Oh, why you little psycho!" Jirachi yelled back at her, starting to foam at the mouth. The normally calm and rational Jirachi was driven over the edge with the stealing of his prized collection.

"You're going to regret this!" After catching up and getting close enough to her, he cast his signature move.

"Doom Desire!"

As Jirachi said that, he started to levitate in the air as he still went after Shaymin. His third eye on his stomach opened up, and a beam of light burst from it. Afterwards, the light disappeared, vanishing in the air. Jirachi still chased after Shaymin, waiting for the time delayed Doom Desire to take effect.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, elsewhere on the plane…<p>

Lugia roamed about the airplane, heading to Darkrai's room. He had a plan to get revenge on him for letting him get abducted by those fangirls.

"Hey, author."

**"…WAIT. ARE YOU…?"**

"Yes, Mr. Author. I'm talking to you. Just to let you know, I would hardly call me plan 'revenge'… I like to consider it as 'justice'."

**"WELL, DARKRAI ALREADY FEELS PRETTY BAD ABOUT WHAT HE DID. ISN'T THAT…"**

"And have him get away with no punishment while I had to have my manhood humiliated by a bunch of Japanese yaoi fangirls? Just because he was 'sorry'?" Lugia arrogantly snarked. "No. I don't think so. It doesn't work that way. It's an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth in this world, buster."

**"HE TECHNICALLY DIDN'T DO THOSE THINGS TO YOU, THOUGH."**

"He might as well have, seeing how he just left me to the sharks. But now… I'm the shark and he's the fish."

The author looked at the items Lugia was holding, something the author had just taken notice of. He had a ball-gag, a form-fitting puppy suit, a shock collar with a leash on hand, and worst of all, a phone capable of taking pictures and uploading them to the Internet. It didn't take a genius to figure out what he was going to do with those things.

**"LUGIA…" **the author sighed. **"I KNOW YOU'RE UPSET, BUT ASK YOURSELF… ISN'T THIS A BIT TOO DRASTIC? I MEAN, HUMILIATING DARKRAI ON THE INTERNET WHILE POTENTIALLY SCARRING HIM FOR LIFE? SOMEONE NOT INTO THAT STUFF WOULD BE TERRIFIED! I DON'T THINK EVEN SHAYMIN WOULD DO THIS! AND AS COWARDLY AS IT WAS, DARKRAI DOESN'T DESERVE…"**

The author got cut off by an angry Lugia. "HELL YES! HELL YES HE DOES!" he screamed furiously at him. Rage began to fill through Lugia's body and spirit.

"THOSE FANGIRLS MADE ME THEIR BITCH, NOW DARKRAI'S GOING TO BE MINE!"

The rage flowing through Lugia became so overwhelming that a dark aura started to surround him, changing his physical appearance.

**"Uh, L-Lugia…" **the author stuttered.

"HE'S GOING TO BEG! HE'S GOING TO CRY! AND HE'S GOING TO BOW BEFORE HIS NEW MASTER!"

The dark aura began to change his skin color, warping it to an ominous and evil shade of purple. His eye color went from a crystal-clear blue to a dark and demonic red.

**"Uh oh." **the author meekly realized. **"This is bad. Really bad."**

"DARKRAI WILL BOW BEFORE HIS NEW MASTER… SHADOW LUGIA!"

And with those words, the new Shadow Lugia kicked the door to Darkrai's room down. The loud crash it made on the other side caused Darkrai to jump up from his bed, extremely startled. He slowly looked over to the beast that had come in. What he saw chilled him to the bone.

It was Lugia. But it wasn't the Lugia he knew. Only one look at him and he knew that Lugia wasn't the same anymore. He was heartless. He was soulless. He was XD001… Shadow Lugia.

"L-Lugia?" Darkrai asked nervously, understandably trembling with fear.

"You… you abandoned me. Left me to be a slave to demented fangirls. Nothing but a toy for their sick, sexual, and erotic desires."

Darkrai began to shake heavily, almost as if he was having a spasm as he saw the objects in the corrupted Lugia's hands.

"Now… you're my slave. You're going to be nothing. Nothing without your master. I AM your master and you will have no mercy at my hands."

Darkrai was horrified at this point as Lugia approached him with the items. It was at that moment he realized…

He had to fight.

The Dark-type Legendary gathered his courage. "I am Darkrai, the Legendary Pokémon." he said to Shadow Lugia in a nervous, yet affirmative tone. "And I am no one's pet, slave, bitch, or whatever other nasty words you want to throw out there! You don't own me!"

* * *

><p>A psychotic Shadow Lugia appeared!<p>

Go, Darkrai!

Darkrai used Shadow Ball!

Shadow Lugia took 29 damage!

"Now, you'll be nothing but a helpless bitch for my every command!" Shadow Lugia yelled.

Shadow Lugia used Attach Items!

Darkrai dodged the ball gag!

Darkrai dodged the puppy suit!

Darkrai got the shock collar attached!

Darkrai used Dark Pulse!

SMAAASH!

Shadow Lugia took 559 damage!

"Far from over!" the corrupted Lugia shouted to Darkrai. "Behold my fury!"

Shadow Lugia turned the shock collar's dial up to 11!

Darkrai gulped nervously!

Shadow Lugia used…

Suddenly, the battle was interrupted by the New Age Retro Hippie!

Darkrai and Shadow Lugia stare confused at the New Age Retro Hippie!

Darkrai questioned the author's sanity (again)!

Shadow Lugia wondered how this guy got here!

New Age Retro Hippie used Flash!

Shadow Lugia shouted: "Oh god, my eyes!"

Shadow Lugia is paralyzed!

Darkrai took advantage of the opportunity!

Darkrai used Dark Void!

Shadow Lugia was pulled into the Dark Void!

Shadow Lugia fell asleep!

Darkrai used Escape!

Escaped successfully!

* * *

><p>Darkrai immediately yanked off his shock collar and ran for it. His first and primary concern was informing Arceus about what happened to Lugia ASAP. And also ask her about how to get the hippie off of the airplane. Unfortunately, he tripped over something in the hallway. Stumbling to get up, he saw exactly what he had tripped over.<p>

A Magikarp in a fishbowl.

"Huh?" he muttered, briefly forgetting about his plight. "What's this doing here?"

As the Magikarp splashed helplessly on the floor and Darkrai analyzed its' strange blue markings, he eventually realized who it was.

"Kyogre?"

The Magikarp could only respond with a 'glub, glub' and a bit of splashing.

"Sorry if this is you Kyogre, but I have to get going!" he said, putting the fish back inside the bowl. He then dashed off again, leaving the Magikarp by its' lonesome self.

"Karp… Karp… Magikarp…"

* * *

><p>"OK… let's hope to God I got it right this time."<p>

Rayquaza pulled out the result of the oven and was forced to magically hold it over his head.

Rayquaza got a Couple's Cake (after 27 Mistakes, you loser)!

"Finally." he sighed in relief. He set the Couple's Cake on the table, just in time for Arceus and Giratina to walk in.

"Ah, what a great job you did, my dear servant! I am thoroughly impressed!" Giratina congratulated him.

"Yeah, yeah." muttered Rayquaza. "Can I just go now?"

"Very well, you are dismissed." Giratina told him.

Sighing in relief, he walked out the door and closed it behind him… only to hit head first into Shaymin, Jirachi, and Darkrai, who were running / levitating at super speed. The effect left all four of them disoriented and lying on the floor.

"Ugh…" Darkrai muttered, being the first one to stir. "Did I just run into solid concrete?"

"I think you ran into my scaly crotch, which is just as hard." Rayquaza muttered, getting off of the ground. Darkrai gave Rayquaza an odd glance, making the serpent realize that he used a very poor choice of words.

"I… I didn't mean it in that way! Because I'm totally not gay or anything!" the serpent tried to defend himself.

Darkrai shrugged his shoulders, muttering to himself that Giratina said the same thing. He glanced over at Shaymin and Jirachi.

"What were you two fighting over?" he questioned them.

"Ms. Psycho the Hedgehog over there stole my collection of action figures to sell online!" Jirachi said.

"Of course I did! With how much all of that crap is worth, I'll be stinking filthy rich!" Shaymin told them. "I'll get my own mansion, hunky butlers, my own torture cellar, and best of all, government missiles to nuke Darkrai's home on Newmoon Island, permanently destroying the island and all life on it!"

Darkrai stared at Shaymin for a couple of moments before speaking. "…You're sick, you know that?"

"Believe me, I know." she proudly boasted.

"...Whatever." he muttered. He then turned to Rayquaza. "Uhh… what's with the maid outfit, dude?" he asked, noticing it. "…Is this part of your and Latias's… erm… 'fantasies'?"

"For your information, no it isn't. It's a long story, but I'm not going to go into the details."

"All right, all right…" Darkrai said. "But back to the subject matter at hand. Something is… really, REALLY messed up with Lugia."

Rayquaza groaned. "Is he playing with my bondage stuff again? I told him not to touch my stuff without asking me."

"NO!" Darkrai shouted, startling Rayquaza a bit. "Well, I mean, sort of. In an extremely sick, wrong and disgusting way."

A look of concern put itself over Rayquaza's face. "…What is going with him?"

Darkrai was silent for a while before he spoke. "…He changed back into Shadow Lugia. And he tried to make me his… b-bitch. And it's my fault for being a coward." he said, whispering the last part to himself.

Everyone was stunned into silence. Even Shaymin, who would normally mock Darkrai in such a humiliating event. Several awkward minutes went by before someone spoke up. Surprisingly, it was Shaymin.

"…Wow." she muttered. "I… might be psychotic. I might be evil. Hell, I could even be the spawn of Satan himself! But even I have standards to uphold."

"What confuses me is why he changed back into Shadow form." Jirachi said. "I know that happened to Lugia in Orre when he got kidnapped a number of years back. But wasn't he purified? Shouldn't the darkness have left his heart?"

"This is starting to sound like something from Kingdom Hearts." Darkrai sighed. "And things never go well for people in that game series."

A bit more awkward silence plagued the quartet. Again, someone decided to break the silence.

"How did you escape?" Rayquaza said to Darkrai.

"I used Dark Void to put him to sleep while I ran for it. He's still probably asleep in my room, but I don't if the hippie left…"

"…The hippie?" Rayquaza muttered in confusion.

"Don't ask me." Darkrai replied. "Even I don't know. But what I do know is that I came over here to get Mom's help. She should be able to get Lugia back to normal."

Rayquaza had been eerily silent for a moment, but then nodded his head in understanding.

"Let's do it."

* * *

><p>"This is really romantic; you know that, Giratina?"<p>

The ruler of the Pokémon universe and the ruler of the Distortion World sat opposite of each other across a round table. The area was softly lit with candles on the side of the room, with the lights extremely dim. It made for the perfect romantic setup.

"I knew you'd say that, Arcy. I wouldn't need to mind probe you to know that. That is, if I valued my life." he chuckled, looking at Arceus and then the Couple's Cake in the center of the table. Two forks were in the delicious dessert, simply begging to be used to devour it. And they were about to do that very thing when…

SLAM!

The noise caught Arceus and Giratina off-guard, making them jump in surprise as Rayquaza, Darkrai, Jirachi, and Shaymin rushed in. Well, Arceus jumped. Giratina screamed like a little girl. After his shrieks died down, Rayquaza spoke.

"Uhh… IGNORING the fact that Giratina just screamed like a little girl, we've got a BIG problem on our hands and paws. Or for your case Mom, a problem on your goat feet."

Arceus rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah." she muttered. "What's so important?"

"…It's Lugia." Darkrai spoke. All attention then went to him. With the eyes looking at him, he continued. "He changed back into Shadow Lugia."

Giratina's face went pale at those words. Arceus, however, remained silent. Her face turned serious.

"How did this happen?" she asked quietly, yet with a bitter cold tone to her voice.

Darkrai looked at Arceus. He wondered if he should confess. He risked getting punished by doing so, but would his conscience devour him alive if he didn't. He sighed, looking at his mother.

"It's my fault." he confessed truthfully. "I'm why he's gone so psychotic. Remember that story Rayquaza telling you about back in Japan? The one with the yaoi fangirls and-and the kidnapping and the… other unspeakable stuff?"

Arceus simply nodded.

"He was telling you the truth. Lugia and Rayquaza did get kidnapped and go through all of those… horrors."

"But then where do you come into play?" she asked.

"…I was with them. I had managed to escape them, but… they didn't. And I could've gone back to rescue them. No… not could have. I SHOULD have. I should have gone back to rescue them. But I didn't. Not until they freed themselves and the damage had been done. He's furious at me because I was a coward. If I had leapt into action, I could've saved them from what those fangirls forced them to go through. But I didn't. And that's how Shadow Lugia took over him. And that's why Shadow Lugia wants to make me his… bitch. Pet. Slave. To be subjected to the same horrors that he was."

Everyone was silent once more after Darkrai's explanation. It had taken a lot of courage for Darkrai to confess this, but he knew that it was better for everyone to know both how and why it happened. After a few moments, Arceus spoke in a gentle, motherly tone.

"You're not in trouble, Darkrai. You did the right thing, telling me exactly what happened and confirming Rayquaza's claims."

"So I guess Kyogre's even MORE of a liar now." Giratina said. "I'm wondering if she's the new butt monkey instead of Darkrai."

"It's likely." Arceus said to Giratina before facing Darkrai once more. "Darkrai, you might have made a mistake. But you took the right course of action by trying to correct that mistake. You've done what you've needed to do to fix your error. So now let me set things right again."

Darkrai nodded. "Of course, mother. Thank you. We should go then."

Jirachi, the one closest to the door, peeked out. "I'm not sure if that's a good idea…"

"Why not?"

A shadowy force swept into the room, knocking all of the other Legendaries to the opposite side of the room.

"BECAUSE HE'S HERE!"

* * *

><p>Pokémon © <em>Nintendo  Game Freak_

A cliffhanger! Dun dun duuuuuun!

Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! And see what happens when we return!

"Hey author, is the chapter over?" the 'Shadow' Lugia asked.

"Yeah, why?"

"Cause I need to take this latex Shadow Lugia suit off. It's starting to chafe again…"

**"CUT! THAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE PART OF THE FIC!"**

**"*SIGHS* _I _DON'T GET PAID ENOUGH FOR WRITING THIS INSANITY." **


	17. Bring Me to Life

Pokémon World Tour

Chapter 17: Bring Me to Life

* * *

><p>"This isn't going to turn out well…"<p>

Rayquaza said what he thought would be his last words. The group found themselves exhausted and unable to counter him, with even nine of them not being a match for Shadow Lugia's powers.

_"Is this really it?" _he thought. _"Are we all going to die here? For real? Is the author really going to let this happen?"_

Shadow Lugia faced the rest of the Legendary Pokémon. "Now… you're ALL going to…"

As Shadow Lugia looked on to the group, he saw that they were genuinely terrified. Taking a glance at Mew, he could see that she was in tears. Something incredibly rare to see from someone usually so happy and bouncy. He looked over the rest of them. Some of the guys had tears in their eyes, horrified. They seemed to know that if this story continued as it was, they were all going to die. Jirachi, on the other hand, simply stood there, prepared for death if it should so happen. Even Arceus herself felt powerless, unable to stop Lugia's Shadow Powers.

Seeing every terrified face, he couldn't take it anymore. He ran over to the entire group…

…

…

…And HUGGED them.

"I'm so sorry, guys!" he sobbed, tears rolling down his eyes. "I'm not Shadow Lugia, this is just a fake suit! It was supposed to be an act, but I just couldn't stand it anymore! The author wanted me to totally lose it, and go all berserk to build up drama! He promised me a record deal for my debut album, b-b-but I-I just… couldn't. I'm so sorry. Forgive me."

The author growled. **"CUT!"**

Every single one of the other Legendaries looked up, completely confused. Most of them were silent, unsure of how to react. They still had to process the confusing events through their minds.

**"LUGIA, YOU MORON! YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TELL THEM THAT!"**

Arceus was the first one to grasp what was going on. Instead of being angry at Lugia, her anger was directed at the author instead.

"What the hell, author?!" were her first furious words to me.

**"OH CRA-"**

"You have to be seriously messed up in the head to do something like this! That's horrible! Why would you have Lugia do something like that?! Do you get some sort of sick thrill from this?!"

Rayquaza sighed. "Arceus, even you should know by now that the answer to that question is 'yes'. But I agree, he took things just a little too far this time."

Giratina looked down, disappointed yet unsurprised. "Honestly, with the theme you had 'Shadow' Lugia running, I thought you had much worse than death planned for all of us. Like… what those fangirls almost did to Lugia and Rayquaza…" he said with a tinge of fear still in his voice.

**"…DO YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD DO THAT? DO YOU THINK I'M THAT EVIL? THERE'S EVIL. THEN THERE'S SHAYMIN EVIL. BUT THERE'S ONE STEP LOWER THAN THAT. SICKER THAN SHAYMIN EVIL. IT WAS A JOKE. I WOULDN'T GO DOWN THAT FAR."**

Arceus was still furious, yet remaining silent. And she had every right to be so. Looking at Lugia, she could see that he already felt visibly ashamed for helping the author in this scheme. Arceus sighed.

"I'll be in my room." she muttered, leaving without another word.

Jirachi was silent as she left, and then he spoke up. "As messed up as that was…" he chuckled, confusing the others. "I can't help but feel very impressed."

All of the attention was drawn to Jirachi.

"Impressive?!" shouted an infuriated Darkrai. "I thought that Lugia was going to do despicable things to ME that the fangirls almost did to HIM!"

"Actually, I found the whole thing entertaining." Shaymin said.

"That's because you're SHAYMIN." Darkrai muttered. "Also known as, The Mentally Screwed Up Hedgehog."

With those words, Shaymin glared menacingly at Darkrai, before firing a scorching Seed Flare in his face. The resulting burning started to eat at Darkrai's flesh.

"AAYYYYIIIII! BURNING! FLESH! NOT! COOL!" he screamed, running out and making his way to the kitchen sink.

"AHAHAHA! AHAHAHAHA!" she laughed manically. It continued on for a few minutes while everyone stared at her, frightened. Finally, she settled down. "Heheh… haven't had a laugh that great in a long time." she smirked.

Giratina groaned. "Since Arceus left, I guess I'm in charge. Lugia, I will admit, what you did was wrong. You scared nearly all of us to death. It's a prank you took way too far."

Lugia looked at Giratina, then up in the air, as if waiting for the author to respond. "Is this supposed to be some sort of lesson for the viewers to learn?!" he shouted into the air. "Since when was this fic educational?!"

**"REMEMBER WHEN YOUR LAPTOP CRASHED ON YOU?"**

"…I know. Don't pirate. Geez, how many lessons will you cram down our throats?"

Rayquaza chuckled. "Heh. 'Don't pirate.' Says the guy who has an SNES and GBA emulator on his computer."

**"WHAT?! I… UMM… ERR… HUBBA HUBBA DUBBA! H-HOW?!"**

Rayquaza laughed again. "I broke the fourth wall many chapters ago, remember? It was fun to sort of slither through your files, playing through Mother 3, seeing what your kinks were…"

**"I THINK THAT'S ENOUGH!"**

"Panicked, huh?" Rayquaza laughed again. "First time I heard you like that. Feels great to pull one over the almighty author!"

Lugia looked at the latex Shadow Lugia suit he was wearing. "I think we already know what his kinks ARE."

"I figured that out ages ago in Japan." Darkrai muttered.

The author is left speechless.

"Well, I'm outta here. I'm gonna nap. Call me when we arrive in Vegas." Rayquaza said, slithering away.

"Me too." said Darkrai, vanishing from sight.

The rest of the Legendaries also left, attempting to permanently put out of their minds what just happened. Most of them started to head to the bathroom to get the brain bleach. Only Lugia and Giratina were still in the dining room where everything took place. Giratina was silent for a while before speaking up.

"Hey… Lugia?"

"…Yeah?" he said, slipping out of the suit, planning to put it away for later use.

"You mind if I borrow that suit?"

Lugia had a look of confusion on his face. "What for?" he wondered, looking at the latex suit and mask. "As far as I know, you're not into this stuff."

Giratina chuckled. "Oh no. I'm not. But I've got a little someone I want to stuff into that suit. They still owe me for saving their ass."

Lugia wondered about who Giratina was talking about, before it came to him. He grinned.

"It's all yours, bro." he chuckled, tossing the suit and mask to Giratina. "Hope Rayquaza has a fun time in it. Just give that back to me when you're done."

"Don't worry. I will." Giratina said to Lugia, as the both of them left the room and departed to their bunks, waiting for the plane to arrive in Japan.

"Wait a second…" Lugia wondered. "How's he even gonna fit in there?"

* * *

><p>Several hours later…<p>

Lugia was relaxing in his room. He peeked out the window, seeing neon lights outside in the night. He knew that they had just arrived in Vegas, and that they would soon be heading into whatever airport they were flying into. As Lugia thought about what he could gamble to make a good profit, he heard a soft thumping on the door.

He leapt off of the bed to open the door. When he did, he didn't see anyone at all. Even looking to the left and right, and glancing at the ceiling didn't reveal anyone. Shrugging his shoulders, he shut the door again, only to hear more of the soft thumping. Confused, he looked around again, but this time he saw something on the floor, softly pawing at the door.

Sort of.

Lugia rubbed his eyes to make sure what he was seeing wasn't just the cause of too much Berry Juice the night before.

The suit he had give Giratina hours earlier… and the one he had to participate with in the author's drama scheme… was pawing at the door with its' sleeve? And the mask (attached to the suit) was hopping up and down, BARKING. Like a puppy.

Lugia just stared, incredibly baffled by the scenario. He backed away slowly, with the suit and mask hopping happily closer, still happily barking.

"This is a dream." he tried to convince him. "Yeah, that's it. Shaymin drugged me, and sold me off to be one of Mewtwo's experiments again. This is some sort of virtual reality simulation of his. Trying to figure out what makes me tick! This whole fic has been nothing but a dream! Right?!"

As he continued to back away, he fell onto the bed. Struggling to get back up, the suit playfully pounced on him. Lugia was expecting this fic to take some sort of horror twist… only for the mask to start rubbing against his face affectionately.

"Huh?" he said, still trying to grasp the situation. "M-My suit and mask… how on earth…"

Just then, two figures dashed down the hallway towards Lugia's room. Lugia, in a mixed moment of bravery and not knowing what the heck he was doing, set the suit and mask combo on his bed, and got up to see who they were. Peeking outside his door, the two others crashed into him, causing all three of them to lie in a dizzy state on the floor just outside Lugia's room. The suit and mask came over, starting to lick Lugia. Groaning, he got up and saw who the others were.

"Darkrai? Giratina? What the heck are you guys doing here?!"

Darkrai chuckled nervously. "Funny you should ask that."

"Does it have something to do with this?" Lugia replied, holding up the sentient suit and mask, barking happily at the sight of the other two Legendaries.

"Actually, yes."

* * *

><p>"So… there's some sort of logical explanation to this, right?"<p>

The three sat down on Lugia's enormous bed, with the bed barely supporting the weight of both Lugia and Giratina. The three looked at the sentient suit and mask, who was lying down on the floor with its' body sitting up much like a curious puppy's.

"Explanation: yes. Logical: no." Giratina told the Sea Beast.

"I still want my explanation, logic or no logic." Lugia ordered.

Giratina sighed. "All right. Here's what happened."

"Are we going to get to go into a flashback?" Darkrai interrupted, sounding eager.

Giratina groaned. "Darkrai, it happened half an hour ago. No, we're not going to go into a flashback."

"Fine…" Darkrai muttered.

"As I was saying…" Giratina muttered. "It's a weird story."

"Well no, duh." Lugia snarked.

"If you guys will STOP INTERRUPTING ME, I could get a word in." Giratina grit his teeth. "I swear, this is going as badly as my every attempt to propose to Arceus.

Lugia sighed. "Sorry, Giratina."

Giratina continued. "As I was saying… again… it's a weird story. Darkrai had come over to my room to ask a favor of me. You know how I'm Mr. 'Lord of the Distortion World' and all, right?"

"Yeah…" Lugia said.

"Well, as ruler of the Distortion World, I have powers. One of those powers is that I'm able to use a 'revival' spell of sorts. It can bring anyone back to life."

"I know that." Lugia told him. "But I also know that Arceus is really strict on you using that to revive people. She doesn't like to have people and Pokémon brought back from the dead all willy-nilly. …Wait. What does this have to do with…?"

"You'll see what I mean. So Darkrai wanted to ask me for a favor. He wanted me to bring his… ugh… 'Mr. Snuggles' to life."

Lugia stared at him, and then glared over at Darkrai. "Why on earth would you want your teddy bear brought to life?"

"…I get lonely."

"And you went along with it?" Lugia said to Giratina, disbelief in his voice.

"Well, I never actually tried it on an inanimate object before and… I was curious. And it was just his teddy bear so I thought, 'Well, why not?'"

"OK… but that still doesn't explain why my suit and mask are, you know, ALIVE?!"

Giratina winced from the slight scream. "I'm getting to that, Mr. Impatient." he snarked. "When I was trying to use the spell, Rayquaza had come into my room for a brief moment to talk to me. I was in the middle of the most intensive part of the spell. If my concentration is broken, the spell can misfire. When he came in, my concentration broke and my thoughts just very briefly hovered over to the suit and mask I planned to put him in. I quickly shooed him out, telling him to come back later. But by that point, the spell had already been cast. Guess what came to life instead of the teddy bear?"

"So… that's what happened." Lugia muttered. "Any way to reverse it?"

Giratina chuckled nervously. "Uhh… yeah… reversing it. Funny you should mention that…"

"GIRATINA!"

Giratina stumbled back a bit. "OK, confession time! I don't know the reverse spell! Normally, this kind of situation would be easily resolvable by killing the person or Pokémon again… but I don't know what to do with an inanimate object. I mean, you can't exactly kill it in a conventional way…" Giratina muttered, looking over at the sentient suit and mask again. At this point, it was happily rolling around on the ground.

"That's… kind of cute…" Lugia muttered. Giratina and Darkrai then stared at him in confusion. "In a creepy sort of way." he added.

"Well, what are we supposed to do?" Darkrai asked the group.

Now, the suit came over and crawled up onto the bed. He looked at Lugia, as if anticipating something.

"What does it want?" Giratina wondered.

"I think… and I'm no expert…" Lugia reminded them. "…But I think it wants to be worn."

The suit and mask yipped happily again, seemingly proving Lugia's theory right.

"Question is, who's gonna wear it?" Lugia asked.

"YOU wear it." Darkrai insisted. "I'VE got no interest in getting possessed like you did."

"I already told everybody, I faked that. The suit doesn't have the powers to possess someone."

The trio looked at the suit and mask again, simply staring and finding it very hard to believe what was happening in front of their eyes.

"This is so weird." Lugia declared. "Then again, plenty of weird things have happened in this fic."

"Well no, DUH." Darkrai snarked at him. Lugia simply ignored him.

Giratina glanced at the suit again. As weird as the situation was, the sentient suit was clearly quite harmless. He was sure that it wasn't going to harm any of them if they wore it. If anything, with its' giddy behavior of jumping up and down on the bed and pawing at them was any indication, it just wanted to go on a walk of sorts.

"I guess… I can wear it?" Giratina said, slightly uncertain.

With those words, the suit and mask happily pounced on Giratina, the force knocking Lugia and Darkrai off the bed. Before any of them could even react, the suit quickly changed shape to accommodate for Giratina's larger body size. It fit and zipped itself onto Giratina's body tightly, with the Renegade Pokémon feeling awkward the entire time. And as soon as it began, it was over.

Giratina looked over himself. The suit had changed into a perfect fit for him. It had also changed his outer appearance, taking on the color scheme of Shadow Lugia. He shifted awkwardly in the suit and mask, trying to get used to the feel. Unlike Lugia, he didn't find the whole thing exciting. But he did find it interesting.

"I'm going to admit…" Giratina chuckled. "This is certainly something interesting. At least it'll make for a fascinating observation and experience."

The mask barked happily from near where Giratina's mouth was, happy to be taken on a walk.

Darkrai could only stare. "This… is beyond weird. This surpasses weird by light-years and wraps around to somehow become strangely normal."

Lugia sighed. "Who knows what that insane author will come up with next?"

Just then, the intercom system of the plane turned on. "Could everyone come to the main hallway to discuss our plans and prepare for getting off at the airport?" said the voice of Arceus. "Oh, and even though I said that in the form of a question, it's a direct order. So get your ass over here! Thank you."

Giratina sighed, trying to stretch in the suit. "How do we explain this to Arceus?"

"What do you mean, WE?!" Lugia and Darkrai said to Giratina.

"Don't even think about trying to get out of this, you two." Giratina scolded them. "Darkrai, you're the one who wanted me to cast the freaking spell in the first place! Lugia, it's your suit! So whether you guys like it or not, we're all in this together!"

Darkrai sighed. "Never before has the title of a song from a bad musical set in high school sounded so… anxiety inducing."

"Not my first choice of words, but OK…" Giratina muttered.

Lugia shrugged his shoulders. "Let's just get going." he said, the trio leaving the room… with a mask still barking happily.

"This is going to take some getting used to…"

* * *

><p>The trio arrived at the main hallway where Arceus wanted everyone to meet up. Everyone was there, but Giratina and the other two were hidden behind a counter.<p>

"OK, here's our plan." Giratina told the two Legendaries.

"We have a plan?" Lugia and Darkrai asked in unison.

"Yes, we have a plan." Giratina groaned. "Just listen up. Darkrai, since you're on better terms with Arceus than Lugia is, tell her to come over here. As for Lugia and I, he's simply going to help me explain this whole scenario."

"…That's it?" Darkrai said in disappointment. "No elaborate traps? No running away from monsters? No Scooby Snacks?"

Giratina grit his teeth. "Darkrai, if you don't get back on track, I will give you one HELL of a monster to run away from!"

"OK, OK." Darkrai said, trying to defend himself. "I gotcha." He then looked towards Arceus. "Here goes nothing." He walked up towards Arceus. "Hey uhh… Mom?"

Arceus looked over at her Dark-typed child. "Yeah, Darkrai? What is it? I'm still waiting for Lugia and Giratina to arrive."

Darkrai chuckled. "Actually, funny you should mention them."

"…What's so funny about that?"

"…Well, there's something weird that happened earlier today, after the whole 'Shadow Lugia' incident."

"What on earth could be weirder than that Shadow Lugia fiasco?" Arceus asked, tempting fate in the process.

"Oh, trust me." Darkrai assured her. "It's weird. I'll need to show you." He drifted off back to the side hallway, where Arceus followed him.

"I swear on my own name Darkrai, if this is some sort of stupid prank, you'll wish Shaymin was the one after you instead of me."

Darkrai sighed. "Believe me, mom. It's not a prank. See for yourself." Darkrai turned the corner to reveal Lugia and the suit-clad Giratina. She was baffled, to say the least.

"Uhh… Giratina?" she muttered awkwardly. "Are you… into that kind of stuff? This is your big 'weird' thing? Because honestly, I don't care if you're into this whole rubber…"

Arceus was interrupted by the mask partially detaching itself from Giratina's face to gleefully lick Arceus's face. It then tightly reattached itself back onto Giratina. She blinked.

"Did that mask just… lick me?"

"It's explanation time." Giratina said to her.

* * *

><p>30 minutes later (because I'm too lazy to type another explanation)…<p>

"The thing is ALIVE?!" Arceus exclaimed.

"Yeah… pretty much." Giratina said, shrugging his shoulders.

"I thought I told you to not use that revival spell unless I ordered you, Giratina." Arceus said.

"I didn't think it would do much harm to a teddy bear. Of course, it didn't hit the teddy bear…"

"So, now what?" Darkrai asked his mother. "It certainly seems… attached to Giratina." Lugia couldn't help but laugh at the pun.

"Can you take it off?" Arceus asked him.

"I probably could… but it wants me to wear it and take it on a walk. And you know me, Arceus. I'm too NICE. I couldn't say no. Heck, I volunteered! And I'd feel kinda bad if I just took it off and left it here, especially after I already said yes to it."

Arceus couldn't help but smile. Sure, the whole situation was bizarre, but Giratina wasn't the type of Pokémon to be mean unless he was seriously irritated. Most of the time, he was just too nice to turn down a favor. It's why Arceus found herself attracted to Giratina, with the Lord of the Distortion World ironically often being much sweeter and nicer than the Creator of the Pokémon World.

"You know what, Giratina?" she said. "I don't mind. Do whatever you want with it. I'm sure it appreciates the favor you're doing it."

Once again, the mask temporarily detached itself from Giratina's face to lick Arceus again, before going back to Giratina again. She couldn't help but chuckle.

"I never expected a sentient latex suit and mask to be so sweet." Arceus laughed. She then turned to leave. "Don't forget to turn into your human formes before we get out of the plane. Everyone else is already going into the airport." she reminded them.

"But what about me, Arceus?" Giratina asked. "Aren't I going to, you know, stick out like a sore thumb?"

"Oh relax, Giratina. This is Vegas. You're going to fit in just fine." Arceus laughed as she departed, heading into the airport.

* * *

><p><em>Pokémon © Nintendo  Game Freak_

Author's Note: Yeah, I know. Bad at updating. I feel I should offer some sort of explanation to you guys as to why my updates are so sparse (averaging about once every 2 months now per story). It's a multitude of things. I've wanted to relax this summer before I head off to college. Yet, I know there are people waiting anxiously for updates for my stories. And I don't want to submit a bad chapter. If I don't find it good, I don't want to upload it and look bad. I like to have quality in my stories, even if that means I have to wait a month or so before I get good ideas. So, if you get too impatient with me and decide to abandon my stories because of sparse updates, I'm not going to be mad at you. I understand. However, to those of you who stick with me through my sparse updating schedule, I thank you. It means a lot to have your support. Until next time.

- AuraWielder


	18. The Really Short Chapter

Pokémon World Tour

Chapter 18: The Really Short Chapter

* * *

><p>"You sure I'm going to fit in, Arceus?"<p>

Giratina and Arceus were alone on the plane, with everybody else having already gone into the airport, bar Giratina's friends: Lugia, Rayquaza, and Darkrai. The two had changed into human form, with Giratina's suit having morphed to fit his new body structure. He scratched at the mask, which barked in happiness.

"Well, I'm sure you're going to fit in at the local fetish club!" Lugia laughed, before Giratina gave him an icy cold stare that screamed 'shut it'. He backed off rather quickly.

"You'll be fine, Giratina." Arceus said as the serious response to his question. "This is Las Vegas. People always dress up like crazy."

"Even this crazy?"

"Even crazier." Arceus laughed. "And even if this is just blatant fanservice for the author, what you're doing is still sweet. In a really weird and bizarre way, but still."

The group left the plane, with Lugia, Rayquaza, and Darkrai walking ahead of the two, leaving Giratina and Arceus alone.

"So…" Giratina muttered.

"Yeah?" Arceus asked.

"I've… I've been wanting to ask you something since we started this entire trip. Something very serious."

"Oh, I already know Giratina."

Giratina widened his eyes in surprise. "Y-You do?"

"I figured it out after the third interruption." she laughed.

"Then… do you mind if I…?"

"Of course not, Giratina. The sooner, the better." Arceus nodded.

"O-OK, then." Giratina said. Nervously, he pulled out a small black box and got down on both of his knees.

"Arceus, you mean the world to me. I love you. I have loved you for the longest time. And now I want to ask you be my bride. Arceus… will you marry me?"

Arceus could hardly contain her excitement. "YES! YES! YES!" she screamed happily, jumping up and down and also spinning while hugging Giratina. When she was done, it left Giratina a little disoriented.

"Whoa…" he muttered, trying to get his grip on the handrail. "Excited much?"

"Oh yes, very much." Arceus chuckled. The two started to walk into the airport and meet up with the rest of the Legends. "I always wondered why you never had asked me earlier."

"Well, after the whole 'getting banished to the Distortion World' thing, I was a bit sour at you. Not that you didn't have a good reason.

"You were destroying cities!"

"I had a bad day, all right?!"

"Having a bad day does not justify destroying entire cities!"

"Well, excuse me, princess!"

Arceus then slapped Giratina in the face for referencing such a stupid meme.

Lugia looked at the two as they came into the airport. "Aww. You two sound like an old married couple, and you guys aren't even married yet." he chuckled. Arceus glared at him, and he pretty much immediately shut up again.

"Technically speaking, we're all thousands of years old." Rayquaza added. "Well… except for Mewtwo and Genesect."

"Oh right… the failed genetic cat and robotic bug." Shaymin laughed.

Mew caught wind of what Shaymin had said. Her normal and happy demeanor of playfulness plummeted like a rock. "What did you say?" she asked again.

"Failed. Genetic. Cat." Shaymin said, punctuating every word for emphasis.

"Don't say that." Mew warned. "That 'failed genetic cat' is my son. He was made with my DNA. How those scientists got it, I will never know. But that doesn't change the fact that I love him, genetic experiment and all."

Most of the girls (and even some of the sensitive guys like Darkrai and Giratina) couldn't resist a heartwarming 'aww'. Lugia didn't say it to wreck his 'manly image', but he still smiled. Shaymin however, was displeased.

"FAILED. GENETIC. CAT." Shaymin said once more.

"That's it!" Mew said, gritting her teeth. She tackled Shaymin, attempting to throw every single move she had at her. "How would you like a Thunderbolt in your face?! Or maybe Leaf Blade to cut your body up and leave the remains for the pigeons to eat?!"

Arceus knew things had quickly gotten serious and she intervened, restraining Mew while Giratina assisted in restraining Shaymin.

"Let me at her, Arceus!" she ordered, trying to escape her grip.

"Mew, violence isn't the answer."

"But this is Pokémon! We solve everything with violence!" she answered back.

Arceus whispered into her ear. "OK, I understand where you're coming from. I agree that Shaymin is a total bitch. But please don't try to murder her in public. If you must kill her, at least wait until we get home."

Mew seemed to immediately brighten up upon hearing the news. "OK!" she smiled, floating up in the air and acting as silly as before again.

"Giratina, can you let me go now?!" Shaymin asked again.

"Not until you calm down." he told her.

"I'M PLENTY CALM! PERFECTLY AND NORMALLY CALM!"

"…Sure. That's perfectly and normally calm." Darkrai remarked, smirking all the while.

Giratina looked around nervously, with all of the eyes in the airport on them. "Shaymin, you're making a scene…" he whispered to her.

"I DON'T CARE IF I'M MAKING A DAMN SCENE! I'LL MAKE WHATEVER DAMN SCENE I FEEL LIKE MAKING!" she screamed again, catching the attention of the police in the airport. Seeing them, Darkrai went over to them to talk.

"Is that kid yours?" the police officer asked.

"Unfortunately, we're related." he sighed. "May I ask you for a muzzle?"

"Isn't that a bit drastic?"

The two looked over at Shaymin. "I DON'T CARE IF THE CIA OR FBI COME HERE! I'LL SHOOT UP THE WHOLE DAMN PLACE TO KILL THAT PINK-HAIRED BASTARD!"

The police officer sweatdropped. "I'll do you one better. I'll get a muzzle and a straightjacket."

"Thank you, sir." Darkrai nodded, awaiting the equipment.

* * *

><p>Rayquaza looked at Arceus. "Hey mom?"<p>

"Yeah?"

"You mind if Darkrai, Giratina, and I go out on the town?"

"But won't you guys get attacked by insane fangirls again?" Arceus pointed.

Rayquaza shuddered at the memory, but then smirked to reassure himself. "No need to work about that, mom. We just panicked last time. If it happens again, we'll be sure to use our awesome Legendary powers to escape."

"…Then why the hell did you not use those 'awesome Legendary powers' to escape the first time?" Arceus noted, looking at Rayquaza seriously.

"…Yaoi fangirls weaken the powers of Legendary Pokémon?" Rayquaza suggested.

"…That actually sounds somewhat believable. …All right, then." Arceus shrugged. "Just wait for Darkrai to muzzle and bind Shaymin, OK?"

"What?" Rayquaza muttered. He soon saw Darkrai approaching Shaymin (with EXTREME caution) with a muzzle and a straightjacket.

"Heh." Rayquaza laughed. "Glad to see Shaymin's getting what she deserves."

* * *

><p>"NO! Darkrai, you little bas…!"<p>

The rest of the word was cut off as Darkrai, somehow, get the muzzle on. Giratina helped restrain Shaymin as Darkrai slipped on the straightjacket, suffering from numerous flesh wounds.

Darkrai fell backwards onto the chair behind him and sighed in relief. "Thank God that's over."

"Why, thank you." Arceus chuckled.

"Mother… that's… not really funny. You already pulled this joke once in this fic. You shouldn't… scratch that, CAN'T do that again."

"Oh fine, killjoy." Arceus said, rolling her eyes.

"Hey Darkrai." Rayquaza said. "Now that Shaymin's all 'tied up' at the moment…"

Everyone resisted the urge to groan at the most obvious pun made since the dawn of time.

"Why don't we go out for a night on the town? Do some gambling, get a couple of beers at a bar, and go get humiliated by the author."

"I'm in!" Darkrai chirped. "Except for the whole 'get humiliated by the author' thing. Then again, I already was humiliated pretty badly, so it couldn't possibly be any worse."

"You think you're humiliated?" Giratina retorted, motioning at his 'clingy' suit. "Try wearing this in public, sometime!"

"Oh sure, that's humiliating!" Lugia rolled his eyes. "I'm going to need some serious counseling after what those fangirls almost did to me! Humiliating is understating it!"

"…Wait." Arceus realized. "Counseling? Couldn't you just pay Uxie a visit to get that memory erased? Part of the reason I created her was to help with this kind of thing!"

"Mother, she charges a fortune. Even with my income, I still can't afford that!"

Giratina stared at the humanized sea beast. "Lugia. You're a Pokémon. You don't HAVE an income!"

"Well… I would if I was signed onto a record label! Jerkass author didn't even keep his end of the deal. I'm still pissed off about that…"

Latias realized that this bickering had gone off for far too long, and decided to intervene. "Enough!" she yelled, getting their attention. "Look. This bickering has gone on for long enough. At this rate, we're not even going to get out of the airport! Let's just get our stuff, get checked out, and then we'll all be on our merry ways."

"…Agreed." Arceus sighed.

* * *

><p>Everyone in the group had gone through security and gotten through. Thankfully, there were no issues this time, likely due to Shaymin being 'incapacitated' at the time being. The only one absent was Kyogre, because she was still a Magikarp on the plane. But clearly, no one in the group cares about her.<p>

Moving on.

Everyone stood outside the airport, thinking of where to go next. Several taxis were in front of the area, but all except one were completely packed with other people. The group approached the taxi.

"So, Giratina?" Rayquaza asked.

"Yeah?"

"Are you coming with Darkrai and I? We're hitting up the casinos and then the bar."

"And a fetish club if you're interested. There's plenty in Vegas." Darkrai chuckled.

Giratina groaned and glared at them, not amused. "The casinos and bar: yes. Fetish club: no. Well… maybe. Um… Uh… I'll think it over."

Arceus could only laugh, hearing this conversation take place. "Go ahead, Giratina. Latias, Mew, and I are going to go do girl stuff. You wouldn't be interested."

"…All right, then." Giratina shrugged. "And relax, Arceus. I'm not going to hit on anyone."

Arceus kissed Giratina on the forehead, making him blush. "Oh, I know that."

"Well, that and you'd kill me." Giratina joked.

Arceus laughed. "So true."

"…Wait, you're serious?" Giratina said in panic.

"Yep. I can kill someone who's already undead. Bye." she said quickly, teleporting with the girls a distance away to find another taxi.

Giratina sweatdropped nervously. "I… uh… better be careful, then…" he muttered, getting into the taxi with the other humanized Legendaries.

"So glad you decided to join us today, Giratina." Darkrai grinned.

"Uhh… sure. This'll be fun." he said awkwardly, rather concerned if Darkrai and Rayquaza were serious about going to a fetish club. He prayed not.

"Next stop." Rayquaza declared. "The casinos!"

* * *

><p>Meanwhile…<p>

"HEY AUTHOR! YOU FORGOT SOMEONE!"

Still at the airport front entrance, Lugia had dozed off for a bit after going through security. After he had woken up, he realized that everyone had already left. Most of the people there wondered why the hell this strange man was screaming into the sky, before dismissing it off.

This is Vegas, after all.

* * *

><p><em>Pokémon © Nintendo  Game Freak_

Apologies for the short chapter. I was on a bit of a shortage of ideas, but I still wanted to deliver one more chapter before I started college. With college coming up, updates will be much more infrequent. Still, as you guys that stuck with me seem to know, it's not over 'til it's over. As usual, read and review.


	19. Casino Crisis

Pokémon World Tour

Chapter 19: Casino Crisis

* * *

><p>"Hello?! Guys! Come on, leaving me by myself really wasn't funny during the Japan arc!"<p>

That was what Lugia shouted to the world, much to the confusion of every other person in the airport. He sighed.

"Well… I guess it could be worse. Maybe I'll just go back to the plane and check on Kyogre… err, Magikarp."

Along the way there, he couldn't help but feel how weird this fanfiction has been. First, the author comes up with a crazy idea to travel around the real world. Then, he sends 10 Legendary Pokémon on this trip, visiting various famous cities… bar Australia where they got stuck in the middle of nowhere. Lugia was still lamenting over not getting to perform at the Sydney Opera House. At least he got a cool souvenir out of it. But then came Japan… and the worst moments of his life. Getting kidnapped by insane Japanese yaoi fangirls? Almost forced to have seme/uke sex with Rayquaza? Getting stuck in a latex suit which he SOMEHOW developed a fixation for? He'd never feel the same way about his home country again.

"Does the author get possessed by some sort of evil demonic being when he writes this crap?" Lugia grumbled to himself as he entered the plane. When he got on, he noticed Jirachi napping on one of the couches in the main area.

"He must've slept through when they left the plane." Lugia assumed. He walked over to Jirachi, but Lugia's loud footsteps woke him up before he even reached him.

"Uhh… Lugia?" Jirachi muttered. "Where the heck is everybody?"

"They left without us." Lugia grumbled.

"That or the author forgot to write me into last chapter. Hell, at least you were in the last chapter!"

**"WELL. EXCUUUUUSE ME IF I'M NOT PERFECT."**

"Oh great. He's back." Jirachi snarked, with absolutely no sign of genuine joy.

"Haven't you bugged us enough already?" Lugia griped. "Especially with the whole Shadow Lugia thing you tried to pull on everybody?"

**"YES, BUT I HAVE COME BACK TO MAKE AMENDS."**

"…No way! You? Merciful? Making amends?" Lugia and Jirachi then laughed out loud at the thought, with Lugia rolling all over the floor absolutely hysterical. "Oh, that's rich! That's really rich!" he laughed, before recomposing himself and getting up.

**"…NO, I'M SERIOUS."**

"Nothing in the world is going to make amends for what I went through in Japan and for the whole Shadow Lugia fiasco."

**"IT INVOLVES A RECORD DEAL…"**

Lugia's eyes widened in interest. "Oooh…" he said, fantasizing about his debut album somehow going Diamond on Week 1.

"Snap out of it, Lugia. He's trying to manipulate you again. We all know how that turned out last time."

Lugia was briefly brought out of his fantasies and back into reality. "Oh… wait. Jirachi, you actually have a point."

**"NO, REALLY. JUST HEAR ME OUT."**

Lugia, still distrustful of the author but still enticed by that record deal, cautiously listened. "What do you want me to do?"

**"THIS IS A SIMPLE THING. JUST CHANGE KYOGRE FROM A MAGIKARP BACK INTO… WELL, KYOGRE."**

"Why would you want us to do that? Why do you want Kyogre back to normal? There must be some reason that benefits you." Jirachi said, questioning the author's motive.

**"IT DOES. KYOGRE WILL WANT REVENGE ON ARCEUS. WHICH, OF COURSE, WILL HELP CONTRIBUTE TO A FUN CHAPTER."**

"And if we decide not to?" Jirachi threatened.

**"THEN VIEWERSHIP OF THIS FANFIC DECLINES UNTIL IT GETS SO BORING THAT I HAVE TO DELETE YOUR REALITY."**

Lugia sweatdropped. "You… You'd do that? Erase all of us?"

**"NAH. I WOULDN'T. BUT I STILL HAVE TO ENTERTAIN THE READERS. IT'S MY JOB. SO, IF YOU GUYS WOULD JUST…"**

"Hold on a second." Jirachi interrupted the author. "You want us to change Kyogre back into… Kyogre."

**"…YEAH."**

"…What's in it for me? I don't feel very obliged to help. In fact, I could just teleport to Arceus right now and tell her of your little plan. What's going to stop me from doing that?" Jirachi smirked.

**"…YOU KNOW YOUR LITTLE COLLECTION OF 'ACTION FIGURES/DOLLS, RIGHT?"**

"…Where are you going with this?"

**"AREN'T YOU MISSING A CERTAIN 1989 30-INCH VENOM FIGURE?"**

This caught Jirachi's attention. "Y-You mean the original model with the sprayable black goo before it was called off the market only 2 weeks later?"

**"YEP, THE ONE THAT GOT CALLED OFF BECAUSE THE GOO WAS DECLARED A HEALTH HAZARD."**

It only took about a nanosecond for Jirachi to make up his mind. "I'm in! I'm in! I'm in!"

**"GOOD. NOW, LISTEN TO MY INSTRUCTIONS CAREFULLY TO CHANGE HER BACK TO NORMAL…"**

* * *

><p>Meanwhile in a taxi…<p>

"So, what does 'girl stuff' exactly consist of? Like, what do you have planned?" Latias asked Arceus, while holding the muzzled Shaymin by a leash. Mew was in the front seat, bouncing up and down.

"Oh, I just told the boys that so that wouldn't follow us." Arceus chuckled. "We're actually going to go set up surprise wedding plans for me and Giratina."

"Really?"

"Yep, I plan to do it at one of those nice white chapel kind of places. All I need is a wedding dress, and then I'll call Giratina to meet me at the Chapel of the Flowers."

"But… aren't weddings ridiculously expensive?" Latias pointed out.

Arceus was about to rebuke until she realized that Latias was right. As much as Arceus wanted to hurry up and marry Giratina, logically speaking, they'd be better off waiting until they returned home for an official one for free.

"Fair enough." she sighed.

"So… what now?" Latias muttered.

"…Cirque De Soleil!" Arceus realized. At the sound of this, muffled whines, screams, and cries could be heard from Shaymin's muzzle. It sounded along the lines of 'NO! I'm terrified of clowns!' but Arceus continued, not caring a bit about Shaymin. "It's magnificent there, and they have a show based after THE BEATLES in Vegas!"

Latias squealed with delight, if only because a circus plus The Beatles equals awesomeness. "DRIVER! GO FOR IT! TO THE CIRQUE DE SOLEIL!"

The driver, more than a little bit nervous by Latias's sudden excitement, put the pedal to the metal to their next stop, with Shaymin whimpering all the way.

* * *

><p>Giratina leaned back in the chair he sat in, pondering what Darkrai said. Did he really mean it?<p>

"Uhh… Darkrai?"

"Yeah?" he remarked, looking out the window at the sights of Las Vegas. Rayquaza was distracted looking through his cell phone, seeing the pictures he took of Giratina in what basically amounted to a rubber gimp suit and wondering what blackmail he could come up with.

"Umm… you're not serious about that 'going to go to a fetish club thing', are you?"

Darkrai chuckled. "Of course not, Giratina. I was just messing with you."

Giratina sighed in relief. "Thank goodness. There is hope for us in this fanfic after all. At least, until Rayquaza starts blackmailing me again." A small chuckle could be heard from Rayquaza.

"…But I'm pretty serious about the casino and bar. I've brought along 1000 Yen from Japan to gamble with! After all, this is Vegas!" Darkrai exclaimed. "And with Shaymin not here to torture me, I'm going to get as much fun out of it as I can!"

"…Darkrai? Can I be the bearer of bad news?" Giratina interrupted.

"Not now." Darkrai told him. "With this much money to gamble with, we could make 10 times our gamble! Probably more! Do you know how rich we'll be?!"

"But Darkrai, the currency rate…"

"Zip it!" he ordered. "Not a word until we get to the casinos." He then used a literal zipper on Giratina's suit to close his mouth and prevent him from speaking. Giratina only rolled his eyes in response. Darkrai would find out soon enough…

The trio soon arrived at the casino, hopping out of the taxi. Rayquaza handed the taxi the necessary cab fare before it zoomed off into the distance like a mad man. "Hope nobody gets in the way of those crazy taxis." he commented quietly to himself.

Darkrai and Giratina looked at the grand casino before them. It was flashy, with neon lights and everything. I'd go into more detail, but I'm pre-occupied with Lugia and Jirachi.

Giratina approached the good woman at the door (an tall and attractive, yet rather dumb-looking lady with blonde hair) attempting to engage in polite conversation and ask about the casino, only to forget that the zipper on his mouth was still shut. That resulted in a lot of 'mmm-mm mmphs' coming out instead of actual words.

The door attendant was unsurprised by his appearance and muffled words. "The fetish club is two blocks farther to the south. Thank you and come again." she said in a bored tone, filing her fingernails.

Giratina's human hand slapped his forehead in idiocy before he (clumsily) unzipped his mouth after about a minute of effort. "My apologies, ma'am."

"So, Britney…" the attendant spoke on her cell, to some other person on the other line. "Did you leave one of your workers from the fetish club here?"

Slightly ticked off at the attendant ignoring him, Giratina rolled his eyes and walked in.

"Yeah. I think I did, Camille." said the person on the other line. "Is it Gary? He's been absent from work for two weeks."

"Sure looked a lot like Gary. Appearance, outfit, and all."

"I'll send one of my workers to pick him up. He should not be ditching his job here! Is that boy ever going to get it!"

* * *

><p>"So, how do we get Kyogre back to herself again?"<p>

Lugia had to ask the question, holding Kyogre and the fish bowl she was inside in front of him. Jirachi watched on.

**"HOLD ON, LET ME SEND THE ITEM YOU NEED TO YOU."**

"How are you going to do that, Mister 'All-Mighty Author'?" Jirachi questioned and snarked.

Suddenly, a wooden treasure chest poofed into view of Lugia and Jirachi. Curious, Lugia sent down Kyogre's fishbowl and opened the chest. In an instant, he uncontrollably thrust the item into the air, showing off the item to the world. Some text appeared over Lugia's head, as a small sound clip played.

'You got the Point Swap! Reverses HP and FP.'

"A Paper Mario item?" Jirachi looked on in surprise.

**"IT ALSO HAS THE BENEFICIAL SIDE EFFECT OF REVERSING MAGICAL CURSES."**

"Since when…?"

**"ARCEUS' POWER ONLY COVERS THE POKEMON UNIVERSE. HER POWER DOES NOT COVER ITEMS OUTSIDE OF HER UNIVERISE. AND A POINT SWAP WILL REVERSE THE EFFECTS OF THE CURSE SHE PUT ON KYOGRE."**

"Hold on, now we're calling Kyogre's transformation into a Magikarp a 'curse'?" Lugia asked, still a bit confused.

**"FOR THE PURPOSES OF THE ITEM, YES. IT TREATS KYOGRE'S TRANSFORMATION AS A REVERSABLE CURSE. …HEY, I RHYMED!"**

Both Lugia and Jirachi could have facepalmed at that moment. "So, how do I get it to work?" he finally asked as he could finally put his arms down as the text disappeared.

**"JUST DROP IT INTO KYOGRE'S FISHBOWL."**

"…Really? That's it?" Lugia sarcastically questioned. "…And you're also pulling this all out of your ass, aren't you?"

**"YEP! AND YEP! NEED A WAY TO KEEP THE PLOT GOING, AFTER ALL."**

Both of them rolled their eyes."Well, OK…" Lugia said, dropping the item into the fishbowl. He anxiously waited for a reaction.

* * *

><p>"Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there…?"<p>

"NO, MEW! For the 2,708th time, NO! We are NOT there yet!"

Arceus rubbed her temples as the car hit the half-way point of getting to Cirque de Soleil. Sure, it was still in Las Vegas, but when the airport and circus are on the complete opposite sides of the city, you get a really long car ride.

Along with an impatient Mew and an annoyed Arceus, Latias pondered something, looking outside the taxi window. Arceus took note, desperately needing a distraction to get her attention off of Mew.

"Yes, Latias?" Arceus muttered.

"I wonder how Rayquaza's doing. Do you think I should call him? I mean, I don't want to interrupt his 'guy time', but I kinda want to know if he's OK as well."

Arceus chuckled, hugging her shoulder in affection. "Don't worry about it, Latias. I'm sure that Rayquaza can handle himself."

* * *

><p>Meanwhile…<p>

"I can't handle this…"

Rayquaza muttered to himself as the pressure built up. Unfortunately, he muttered just loud enough for the others to hear. He sighed, knowing that the ruse was up.

"…Should we call bluff?" a black-haired man across from Rayquaza asked.

"We'd be stupid not to." a blonde-haired man next to him chuckled. "I call bluff."

Rayquaza then smirked, showing off a straight flush.

"Damn it, I can't believe I fell for that." the blonde-haired man grumbled. Rayquaza chuckled, with the game now over. He then claimed his prize of 500 dollars and continued on his way.

Rayquaza chuckled again as he approached Giratina. "The tricks some of these people will fall for. How are you, Giratina? Do any good gambling?"

"No. But I did manage to finally tell Darkrai that 1000 Yen is only worth about 10 American Dollars."

"How'd he take it?"

"Well, at first, he didn't believe me. Then he went to the cashier to trade it for American Dollars. Then he got 10 dollars. Then he realized I was right."

"And?"

"Now he's in the bathroom, depressed and disappointed with himself."

Rayquaza sighed. "That figures. Still, he's likely still mad at himself over the whole yaoi fangirl incident back in Japan."

Giratina flinched a bit. "Yeah, I heard about that. Geez, that must have been terrifying."

Rayquaza laughed. "It's something you don't go through every day, that's for sure. Anyway, I'll go check on him. You just go knock yourself out at the casino now, Giratina." he said, handing off 1/5th of his earned money to Giratina. He then left to see Darkrai.

"Oh, I will." he smiled, heading over to the slots. "At last," he thought. "This whole World Tour thing is finally starting to become normal."

Sitting down at one of the slots, he earned some very odd stares from an old lady next to him. He then remembered he was still wearing an article of clothing for the sake of making a sentient rubber suit happy.

"Somewhat." he muttered.

* * *

><p>Rayquaza headed inside the bathroom, which was tucked away into a small corner in the back of the casino. Inside, he found Darkrai just a few feet away from the entrance, who was crouched down and quite clearly depressed.<p>

"Hey Darkrai."

Darkrai looked up to see Rayquaza's familiar human forme, which then crouched down to Darkrai's level.

"Hey Rayquaza." he replied, his voice drowning in depression.

Rayquaza sighed. "What's going on, Darkrai? Are you really this upset about discovering that 1000 Yen only equals about 10 American Dollars?"

"Well, I'm still a little upset… but…"

Rayquaza had a suspicion as to what he was really depressed over. "…This doesn't have to be with the money anymore, does it? Are you still upset over not being able to rescue Lugia and me in that whole incident in Japan?"

"Just a little bit."

Rayquaza sent Darkrai an unimpressed look on his face. "A little bit?"

"OK… a lot."

"I thought this was already settled. What's still bugging you about it?" Rayquaza asked.

"Well… I still feel bad over it. I know I shouldn't, but… it's kind of hard to let go. I chickened out on my best friends. You and Lugia don't seem to be mad with me anymore about it… but I'm still mad at myself." Darkrai explained.

Rayquaza sat there, thinking for a bit. "Darkrai. You know I love you." Before the yaoi fangirls reading this fic could squeal, he quickly added, "Like a brother."

"Really?"

"Well, yeah. Listen, don't feel bad over it. Lugia and I don't hate you over it. Sure, you probably know that we were sour over it at first. And while I'm still not happy about the whole situation they put me through, I'm not mad at you over it. I apologize; I probably should have made our stances clearer earlier. Though, that whole Shadow Lugia thing on the way here caught me WAY off-guard. Must have just slipped my mind after all of that."

Darkrai chuckled. "Yeah, I think we were both scared as hell of him. I'm just glad it was a ruse."

"Yeah, me too. Lugia and I don't harbor any ill feelings towards you anymore. You just have to forgive yourself now." Rayquaza explained to him.

"…I think I can do that."

"Good." Rayquaza said. He grabbed 200 dollars of his winnings and handed it off to Darkrai.

"R-Rayquaza. Y-You don't have to…"

"Knock yourself out." Rayquaza smiled. As soon as he said that, Darkrai leapt up happily, his depression cured. He ran out of the bathroom and to the Blackjack table, hoping to finally make some big money.

* * *

><p>Giratina finally shook off the odd vibes he got from the old lady's stares and started to play at the slots. While he figured that the slots were probably rigged against him (after all, this isn't Donald Trump's casino), he still had fun regardless. He was down to about 50 dollars left when he noticed an odd pair of men entering the casino. Out of curiosity, Giratina stood up from the slots to get a look at them.<p>

'Odd' was the most benign term Giratina could have used. There were two men all right, but their choice of clothing (that is, completely clad in leather), convinced Giratina that they were either from that fetish club the attendant briefly mention, or a pair of those rather stereotypical 'manly gay' kind of people. Either way, he didn't think much of it as he sat down to continue playing the slots. His attention from the slots was only drawn again when a hand touched his shoulder. Giratina looked up, to see the same two men standing next to him.

"Can I help you, gentlemen?" Giratina asked politely.

"You're comin' wit us." one of the intimidating men sat. Almost immediately, Giratina felt himself yanked out of his chair.

"Wait a second! What's going on here?!" Giratina demanded to know, confused about the situation.

"You think you can get away with ditching work for two weeks, Gary? The club ain't working like that." the other man told him as a matter of fact.

At that moment, Giratina realized something. "Um… I-I think you have the wrong guy. My name's not Gary."

"You sure look like Gary. Doesn't he, Bill?"

"Oh, he definitely does… Leslie."

Giratina chuckled a bit at the name while 'Leslie' grabbed Bill by the scruff of his neck. "Didn't I tell you not to call me that? NEVER use it in public! It's The Lizard!"

Bill gulped. "Y-Yes, Mr. The Lizard."

"Good." The Lizard set Bill back down. "Now Gary, are we going to have to do this the easy way, or the hard way?"

"I'm telling you guys the truth! I'm not Gary! The only Gary I've even heard of is that snobby kid from Pallet Town!"

"Bill, grab him."

"Yes, boss."

The rugged man only known as Bill attempted to latch onto Giratina's arm, but he moved out of the way. Giratina dashed away from them, hoping to lose them in the large casino as they took chase. If things got too bad, he planned to lure them out of the casino and into an alleyway where he could change back into Origin Forme.

**"HEY GIRATINA, DO YOU THINK THIS WOULD BE A GOOD TIME TO CUE THE SCOOBY DOO CHASE MUSIC?"**

"Not the time to ask, author!"

**"I'LL TAKE THAT AS A 'YES'."**

*cues the silly 60s-era chase music about someone in love with an ostrich*

Giratina sighed at the author's choice of chase music, instead of choosing something cool from an action flick. But hey, it's the author's fic.

Seeing two large round tables up ahead, he ran towards one as the bulky men continued chase. Giratina attempted to fake them out by switching directions frequently to get them dizzy. Unfortunately, the two were smart enough to leap across the table, forcing Giratina away. He continued to run and twist his way through the maze of slot machines the casino had. Unfortunately (once again), the two cornered him instead, with the only exit left being an emergency exit. He ran through it, triggering the emergency alarm.

Giratina found that the emergency exit led to a dead-end, which he thought was really poor design choice, though that wasn't the biggest concern at the moment. Seeing himself cornered, he had no choice left. Grabbing the Griseous Orb he put in his pocket, he transformed back into his Origin Forme (with the suit somehow stretching to fit), roaring ferociously to scare them away. It didn't. Instead, the two were squealing like little fangirls.

"…You guys are supposed to be screaming and fleeing in terror right now." Giratina remarked.

"Oh my gosh… he actually talked to us! THE Giratina actually exists! And he's talking to us!" squealed… The Lizard.

"Um, Mr. Giratina, sir?" Bill asked him, nervously and yet tingling with excitement.

"Uhh… what?"

"C-Can we have your autograph? We're really big fans of yours! We both have Pokémon Platinum and a whole bunch of your memorabilia!"

This isn't exactly what Giratina had in mind, but he decided that he didn't really mind.

"Uh, sure… Got any paper?"

The two leather-clad men searched their entire person but found nothing that could even be written on. Giratina sighed, using his antimatter power to generate two pieces of paper and a pen. The two men squealed happily once again. Giratina levitated the pieces of paper in front of him, writing the first one to Bill:

'Dear Bill,

Thank you for being such a big fan of mine. I appreciate your support of me and for the Pokémon franchise as a whole. I won't forget someone as memorable as you anytime soon.

Sincerely,

Giratina'

Giratina even left his signature close to unreadable, both to fake out anybody who would try to verify the claim, and because near unreadable handwriting is how all of the celebrities signed autographs. He then wrote The Lizard's:

'Dear Leslie,

Get a better name.

Sincerely,

Giratina.'

Grinning, he handed them back to the men as he shifted back into human forme. Which, predictably, caused the men to squeal again. Giratina shrugged his shoulders as he went back into the casino.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile…<p>

"Darkrai, what are you doing?!" Rayquaza yelled at him. "The emergency alarm is ringing; we need to get out of here!"

Darkrai scrambled over the floor like a mad man, picking up items off of the floor. "Not before I collect all of the cash everyone left behind!"

Rayquaza facepalmed. This World Tour was going to be a long one.

* * *

><p><em>Pokémon © Nintendo  Game Freak_

Yep, this chapter is (finally) done. I wanted to update last weekend, but college papers sorta got in the way. Still, I appreciate the patience you guys have for me. Thanks for sticking by me. Anyway, read and review!

EDIT: Almost forgot to mention, credit goes to Rand0m-H0use for the Shaymin scared of clowns idea. Much thanks for that.


	20. Author's Note Again

Pokémon World Tour

* * *

><p>Chapter 20: Author's Note<p>

OK, I feel the need to include an author's note at this point. Before you get worried, don't. It's not a cancellation or anything. Rather, I need to address the people who WON'T STOP ASKING about North Korea. I have stated multiple times throughout the course of the story in the author's notes that I will not do North Korea. I have sent people PMs clarifying that I will not do North Korea. BUT. IT. DOESN'T. STICK. People still request for me in the reviews to do North Korea. Again, the entire suggestion by Shaymin was a joke, and I thought I made that clear in the headings before and after chapters. THIS WAS EVEN EXPLICITLY STATED IN THE FANFIC. Apparently, it wasn't enough. So, this is the last time I will say this. Stop asking for North Korea. It is irritating me to no end, even after I have explicitly clarified this. North Korea, in reality, is a complete hellhole, and there is no possible way I could make it funny. I will not even attempt to do this.

So… STOP ASKING!

* * *

><p>- AuraWielder<p> 


	21. Las Vegas Finale! (Part 1)

Pokémon World Tour

Chapter 21: Las Vegas Finale! (Part 1)

* * *

><p>Meanwhile (again) on the airplane:<p>

"Oh, it feels so good to be ALIVE!" Kyogre's voice sang, which resulted in several bleeding eardrums. The Point Swap had been dropped into Kyogre's fishbowl, and it actually had reversed the effects of Arceus' punishment inflicted onto Kyogre. Right now, she had changed back into her ridiculously attractive human form.

"Please. Don't sing." Jirachi snarked. "Me and my eardrums would appreciate it."

**"MY EARDRUMS AND I."**

"Oh, who are you to correct everyone's grammar, Mr. Author." Jirachi muttered.

Lugia felt the need to chime in. "Now, Kyogre. I know you're mad at Mom."

"No kidding."

"But I feel that I should remind you that you shouldn't try to take revenge on her. Remember, treat others as they would treat unto you." Lugia said, quoting a meaningful verse. Unfortunately, he bungled it a bit and of course, it was lost on Kyogre.

"So, because she humiliated me, I should exact equal revenge on her. Thanks, Lugia!" she said, dashing out of the airplane. "I'm going to make her ashamed to be my mother!"

Lugia groaned after slapping himself in the face and ran after Kyogre. "No! Wait, Kyogre! That's not what I meant!"

Jirachi sighed, dreading the events to come. "I just know this isn't going to turn out well."

The last thing Jirachi could hear from Kyogre before she was out of earshot was:

"It'll hit her like a wrecking ball."

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, at the Cirque de Soleil…<p>

"Ticket guy, four tickets to the Cirque de Soleil show that's starting up!" Arceus exclaimed.

Ticket Guy (yes, that is his name) drew up four tickets for the four girls (ok, three girls and a leashed psycho) and said in the most boring monotone possible: "That'll be $1,000, please."

Arceus chuckled. "Of course." she smiled, innocently generating 10 $100 bills in her pocket with those 'being ruler of the Pokémon universe' powers she has handy. She then handed the bills to Ticket Guy, who in return gave her the four tickets.

"Thanks plenty!" Arceus chuckled as they left. Latias couldn't help but raise a concern. "Did you just… generate actual American currency?" she pointed out. "Isn't that… well… kind of illegal?"

"WHO CARES?!" Mew screamed, simply ecstatic. "CIR-CUS! CIR-CUS! CIR-CUS! YAY!" Arceus and Latias, meanwhile, found themselves squealing: "BEATLES! BEATLES! BEATLES! BEATLES!"

As the other three were quite happy to see the show, Shaymin was trying to make a break for it and get the heck out of Dodge. Shaymin tried with all of her might to get out of that leash.

Shaymin used Struggle!

…It's not very effective!

After that, she couldn't stop whimpering, remembering why she was so horrified of clowns in the first place…

* * *

><p><em>Flashback<em>

"Ooh! A flashback!" Mew squealed, once again proving that the fourth wall was now irreparably shattered. "Am I in this one, author? Am I? Am I? Am I?"

**"NO, MEW! GET OUT OF THE FLASHBACK!"**

"Aww… fine." she muttered, vanishing from the flashback.

**"NOW ONTO THE ACTUAL FLASHBACK…"**

The day was December 22, 2012. All of the Legendaries were celebrating in the Hall of Origin that the world hadn't ended. Of course, Dialga, Celebi and Arceus already knew that the world wasn't going to end, but the trio promised to not tell anyone anyways. It was more fun that way.

Anyway, party. Celebrating. Happy Legendary Pokémon. All that good stuff. Of course, certified party animal Kyurem made sure to go all out for the party itself. This included supplying many varieties of drinks and foods, hiring the famous rock band "Viridian Park", and also hiring a clown to make balloon puppets.

…Most of the Legendaries weren't sure why Kyurem decided to invite a clown in the first place, but they were too busy partying to really care.

And now we go to Shaymin, who was quite irritated as Kyurem's choice of band, and went up to confront him.

"KYUREM!"

Kyurem sighed, taking a break from chatting with Reshiram and Zekrom to talk to the bratty 'Gratitude Pokémon', levitating in the air in her Sky Forme.

"Yes, Shaymin?"

"What is with your choice of band?! You KNOW I hate rock music!"

Kyurem rolled his eyes. "Shaymin, I hired a group that would appeal to the majority of the Legendaries. Not YOU, specifically. Not everything has to be about YOU." he snarked, delivering a much needed verbal beatdown to Shaymin.

"Oh YEAH?! Well, I should beat your-"

Kyurem smirked, using Glaciate to quickly clip and freeze Shaymin's wings before she could even finish her sentence. "Now… what were you saying?"

"N-N-N-Never mind." she shivered, freezing half to death from the Ice-type attack as she reverted back to Land Forme. She then left, still furious as she marched off.

As she stormed off, she just happened to come across the same clown that Kyurem hired. He was showing off some fire-breathing tricks to the other smaller Legendaries (mainly Mew, Celebi, Jirachi, Manaphy, and Victini).

"Hey! I thought you said I wasn't in this flashback!"

**"GET OUT OF HERE, MEW! YOU WERE REFERENCED IN PARENTHESES! YOU'RE NOT IMPORTANT!"**

"…Fine." she said, teleporting out of the flashback. "Jerk."

Anyway… back to Mr. Fire-Breather/Clown. He was showing off his fire-breathing, but some Pokémon decided to swap his mineral oil used for fire-breathing *coughMewcough* for ultra spicy hot sauce, and well…

FWOOM!

In a matter of milliseconds, Shaymin's 'hedge-hair' was completely incinerated. Leaving her BALD. After realizing this, she fainted.

She has feared clowns ever since. Of course, her 'hair' grew back, but given that this is Shaymin we're talking about, she could never let it go.

_End Flashback_

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, somewhere backstage in the circus…<p>

"Kyogre! Get back here!" Lugia shouted, trying to keep up with her. Unfortunately for him, she was quite agile as a human, and Lugia had lost her.

"Urgh… Damn it. What does that crazy whale have planned?"

Lugia had noticed Kyogre sneaking into a prop room when the performers' attention had been diverted away to prepare for the show. He noticed the unique sets and costumes.

"A yellow submarine backdrop? Humans dressed up as Paul McCartney, John Lennon, George Harrison, and Ringo Starr? And… a mural on the ceiling of Lucille Ball dancing in the night sky surrounded by sparkling diamonds?

"Just what the hell is the author on?!" he muttered, jaw agape as seeing the giant mural of the iconic American comedy star. "And where can I some? …But that's beside the point. Point is, this confirms my suspicions. This is a Beatles concert of some sort, no doubt about it. But why would Kyogre come here? What makes her think that Arceus would… Oh, that's right. Mom's a big Beatles fan. …But what could Kyogre possibly do?"

**"JUST READ THE NEXT SECTION, LUGIA. THEN YOU SHALL KNOW WHAT YOU MUST DO TO SAVE THE WORLD BEFORE IT SHALL TURN TO ASH."**

"You know, this is sounding awfully familiar to the whole 'chosen one' spiel from my movie…"

**"JUST DO IT!"**

"All right! Geez…"

* * *

><p>"Now, let's just get the crane and wrecking ball set up." she said, moving it high above the stage.<p>

Kyogre couldn't help but giggle mischievously to herself as she set up her plan to humiliate her mother. The idea was that Arceus would appear in the audience during the show. At the most opportune moment, she would cut the tether holding the wrecking ball back and crash through the stage during the show. Just to humiliate her mother, because it obviously didn't matter that she could get arrested for destroying property.

"And for the final touch…"

Kyogre took over every single piece of clothing she had on, leaving her STARK NAKED in the prop.

…Oh. Oh yeah, and she'll get arrested for indecency, too.

* * *

><p>Lugia's jaw hit the floor as he finished reading up the previous section.<p>

"You… I… No. There's no she'd actually… Oh, who am I kidding? Of course she would do something that petty." Lugia grumbled. "This is just too ridiculous. I got to stop her."

He attempted to open the door, but found that it was locked. "KYOGRE!" he shouted, rattling the door handle. "I know you're in there! And I know what you're planning because I read the text in the previous section! Come on, don't do this!"

"LALALALA! I can't hear you over the sound of my brilliant plan!"

"But this is so petty! Sure, she turned you into a Magikarp, but she wasn't going to keep you like that forever!"

"LALALALA!"

"…I'm starting to think that reversing the effect might have a bad idea."

**"OH GEE, YOU THINK?!"**

Lugia gritted his teeth, now exceptionally pissed off. "THIS WAS YOUR IDEA IN THE FIRST PLACE, ASSHOLE!"

Meanwhile, all of the other cast members of the show about to go on looked at the human Lugia as if he was insane, since he seemed to just be shouting to the sky.

Lugia sighed in defeat. "Great. So much for stopping Kyogre… I think I'll just slip out now before the storm hits." he whispered to himself, slipping out the back door and headed back to the plane to cool off.

"So much for 'Viva Las Vegas'…"

* * *

><p>"Well… looks like the casino's empty."<p>

Giratina made the observation while Darkrai and Rayquaza stood by, with Darkrai holding bucketloads of money in his hands.

"I wonder how long it'll take them to realize it was a false alarm." Rayquaza muttered. "I guess we should get on out of here."

Rayquaza and Giratina started a walk for the exit with Darkrai trailing behind, trying to keep as much money as he could in his hands.

"So… those guys mistook you for someone from a fetish club? All because that sentient suit you're still dragging about?" Rayquaza said, having a hard time believing this. At that point, part of the suit's sleeve stretched to Rayquaza and hugged him. Rayquaza chuckled. "All right, that is kinda cute… and a little creepy."

"Sort of is." Giratina chuckled, the outstretched piece of clothing now hugging him. "But I'm kinda attached to the little guy… both literally and figuratively."

"I see." Rayquaza replied. "Anyway, change of subject. What should we do now?"

Giratina thought for a moment. "Well… I don't know what the girls are up to… but I was thinking of something. The Cirque de Soleil IS pretty close to here, and they're doing a special Beatles performance today."

Rayquaza squee'd a bit like a bubbly fangirl on the inside, but maintained his composure. "Sounds good. But aren't those kinds of shows expensive?"

Giratina only looked behind him, eyeing Darkrai with all of the money he had taken.

"G-Giratina? Why are you looking at me like th-?"

"GRAB THE CASH!" Giratina shouted, clutching a good chunk of the cash Darkrai held while Rayquaza grabbed another big chunk. This (un)fortunately, left next to nothing for Darkrai. It took him a few seconds to fully process what happened, coming to just as Rayquaza and Giratina dashed out.

"W-What?! THIEVES!" he screamed, dashing to catch up to them.

Darkrai smirked and quickly picked up his speed, with Giratina's and Rayquaza's 30 second lead meaning nothing to him. He dodged the cars like the agile Spiderman and dashed in the blink of an eye like the Flash. With Darkrai's fast moves and even faster speed, he quickly closed in on them as they ran down the street. At this point, the trio was only halfway to the Cirque.

"Oh crap!" Rayquaza shouted. "Darkrai's closing in on us!"

Giratina quickly clutched the Griseous Orb that would allow him to go into Origin Form. "Rayquaza, jump onto my back once I transform! Lure him over to you so I can get time!" he shouted, still running. The wind drew away the sound and didn't allow Darkrai to hear. The two split up, with Giratina dashing over to the sidewalk while Rayquaza still dodged the oncoming cars as he continued forward. Darkrai, not sure what to do, simply picked a random target and went for Giratina. As soon as Giratina saw Darkrai coming, he IMMEDIATELY dropped the cash, leaving Darkrai busy as he gathered up all of the money.

Giratina clutched onto his Orb, finally transform into his Pokémon Origin Form. Rayquaza jumped onto the back of Giratina as he had been ordered, with Giratina flying through the sky and leaving Darkrai behind. Rayquaza sat down, facing back to Darkrai as Giratina flew. And, of course, Rayquaza couldn't resist an old-school reference.

"Smell ya later, Darkrai!" Rayquaza laughed as they left Darkrai's sight.

And then Darkrai felt dejected. Again. Poor guy.

* * *

><p>"…Hey, Arceus?"<p>

"Not now, Latias. I'm looking through the show schedule. I want to know when they're going to play 'Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds'!"

Latias groaned. She wanted to enjoy the show, but she had a very urgent observation that she had to reveal to Arceus ASAP. She had been at this for the past 45 minutes.

"Arceus?"

Arceus ignored Latias, pretending that she didn't exist at that moment.

"Arceus?" Latias repeated, her tone starting to rise.

"I'm ignoring you!" Arceus yelled, trying to focus on the pamphlet she was reading and make her point.

**"MOTHER!"**

The deep, booming voice scared the living daylights out of Arceus, causing her to throw the pamphlet a million miles away and frightfully look around. Her eyes then met Latias's.

"I thought only the author could use bold and all-caps…" she muttered quietly. "Umm… what were you wanting to say, Latias?" she chuckled nervously.

"…Shaymin is gone."

It took a few minutes for that to sink in to Arceus' brain, before realizing what that meant.

"…SHAYMIN IS GONE?!" Arceus yelled in horror.

"That's what I said." Latias answered, rolling her eyes.

"You should've told me sooner!"

Latias really had to try and not strangle Arceus for saying that.

"Where could she have gone?" Latias muttered, still a bit sour.

"She went backstage."

The two other Legendaries looked at Mew, the source of the voice, who was also munching on some popcorn and candy and bouncing up and down on her seat very rapidly. Somehow, she managed to say that with a stuffed mouth. Arceus and Latias looked back at each other.

"OK. Who gets to go backstage and stop her shenanigans?" Latias asked Arceus.

"…1, 2, 3, Not it!" Arceus said quickly, planting herself back in her seat. Latias facepalmed. However, realizing what this meant, she then smiled innocently.

"All right, then." she said, leaving for backstage. "That leaves you to put up with Mew for the next 2 hours during the show… and he's eaten a lot of candy…"

Arceus shrugged, thinking that it couldn't be all that bad… until Mew started to moan. She levitated up a bit, looking over at Arceus. Arceus looked over at Mew nervously.

"Uhh… Mew? Is something the mat-"

And before she knew it, she was drenched in vomit. Every single bit of her was covered in it, from her blonde hair, to her nice dress, and to her face.

Mew looked over Arceus rather nervously after the incident. "Ugh… popcorn, candy, and bouncing repeatedly are not good things to combine… Uhh… Arceus?"

"…I should have gotten with the psychotic hedgehog."

* * *

><p>Rayquaza and Giratina dashed into the Cirque, with Rayquaza still holding his giant bundle of money and Giratina back in human form. And unlike Arceus's money, it was actually legal money! The two went over to Ticket Guy to buy their tickets.<p>

"How many will be attending?" he said again, and once again in the most boring monotone possible.

"How many does it look like?" Rayquaza snarked a bit.

"500 hundred dollars." he said, not even caring… or questioning why a Latino man with green hair was holding massive amounts of money that no ordinary person should have.

Rayquaza rolled his eyes. Giratina plucked 5 100-dollar bills from the giant pile. "Here you are." Giratina said.

"Thank you." he droned again, handing two tickets to Giratina. He stuffed the two tickets in one of his suit's pockets, and the two left for the show.

After maneuvering through the seats, Rayquaza and Giratina found their way to where Arceus was sitting. The two couldn't help but stare at the vomit-drenched Arceus. Rayquaza had to restrain himself to keeping from laughing his head off.

"Umm… Arceus?" Giratina questioned. "When you said you were going to do 'girl stuff', this isn't what you had in mind… right?"

If looks could kill, Arceus's glare would have vaporized Rayquaza and Giratina in a matter of milliseconds.

"…I'm going to go get cleaned up." she said. "I need to head off to the bathroom to get them clean without arousing any suspicion. You two are going to watch Mew until I get back."

"Sure, Arceus." Giratina said, agreed to take the duty. "You go on ahead."

Arceus couldn't help but smile. "Thanks, Giratina. Oh, and by the way, Shaymin's missing. Latias went backstage to investigate." she said as she left. The two were left alone with Mew, with both of them startled with Arceus' departing words.

"She's… she's MISSING?!" Giratina muttered. "Oh, this can't be good."

Rayquaza held a look of determination on his face. "I'm going backstage, too. Shaymin's a psycho after all, but I'm NOT going to let her do anything to Latias!"

Giratina sweatdropped. "She seems more capable against Shaymin than you are…" he pointed out.

"…Shut up, Giratina. Just let me have my moment, all right?"

Giratina chuckled. "All right, but you better get going."

"Agreed." Rayquaza said, leaving for backstage. "Look out Shaymin. I'm coming for you!"

* * *

><p><em>Pokémon © NintendoGame Freak_

Whoa. OK. First off, I apologize SINCERELY for the 5-month delay. For World Tour, I was suffering through a VERY severe writer's block. For the longest time, I had no idea what to write. Combine this with college, and it gets really hard to update nowadays. Also, this 'Las Vegas Finale' is split into two parts, because it's REALLY freaking long. If you guys are still here, you must have the patience of a saint. Again, I am so sorry.

And, as usual, read and review. And again as usual, there's a poll still going on to vote for your favorite World Tour character.

But seriously… thank you.

- AuraWielder


	22. Las Vegas Finale! (Part 2)

Pokémon World Tour

Chapter 22: Las Vegas Finale! (Part 2)

Author's Note: I want to thank my readers for reading this far. I know I'm not very good at the whole updating thing, but a lot of drama has happened in my life since the last posting. However, after Las Vegas, this series will be concluding as the Legendaries will return home. This may disappoint some of you, but I am struggling with the series, and I wish to conclude it on a great note rather than drag it on forever. I also promised myself that I would finish this fic, and I don't intend to break it. Thank you.

* * *

><p>"Shaymin… where are you, you little psycho?"<p>

Latias was backstage, investigating for any sign of the little devil. Unfortunately for Latias, Shaymin was quite small in size, and could very easily hide. She had a 45-minute lead against Latias, so Shaymin could've been anywhere.

As she searched, she heard the announcer as she was backstage.

"Welcome, ladies, gentlemen, and gentlemen who dress like ladies! Welcome to the Cirque de Soleil. Prepare to feast your eyes on a show that you will never forget! We'll start off with some of our best clowns!"

Latias sweat-dropped. "Oh crap. Show's starting soon, and I still haven't found Shaymin. Better keep looking. What on earth is she planning to do anyway?" she muttered. She soon found her answer when she found Shaymin setting up an elaborate death trap for the clowns. Latias tackled Shaymin before anything else could happen.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

"Setting up a death trap for the clowns. Duh." she snarked. She then went to explain her plan. "First, the clowns trip over the invisible wires at their entrance. Then, they stumble into the net set on the ground, which raises them into the air. Finally, a super sharp and super large saw blade I installed into the side behind the net will tear through their insides slowly and painfully.

"…Shaymin?"

"Yes?"

"You're insane."

"I try."

_"Jigsaw would be proud." _Latias thought to herself. Rolling her eyes, she went over to the invisible wire to cut it. Grabbing a pair of scissors, she was just about to cut it when Rayquaza saw her.

_"Oh no! She's about to trip that trap Shaymin set up for her! Not if I can help it!"_

He dashed ahead to Latias to tackle her and get her out of the way, but unfortunately, Rayquaza didn't quite know the circumstances behind the trap.

"Latias! I've got you!"

Latias's eyes widened as she saw Rayquaza running towards her. "Wait! No! Rayqua-!"

Before Latias could react or get out of the way, Rayquaza tackled into her to save her. Unfortunately, he still tripped the wire as Rayquaza ended up positioning the two just under the net. The trap activated as it was set up, raising the trapped Latias and Rayquaza up into the air. It took a while for Rayquaza to register what happened.

"Oops." he muttered.

"Rayquaza…" Latias glared at him.

"…Yes?" he spoke nervously.

"This is the stupidest thing you've done in a long time."

"…Yeah, I know."

Their conversation was cut short as the blade behind began to pop out slowly towards them, but spinning rapidly. The two screamed bloody murder as they tried to transform into their Legendary forms to break out, but for some reason, they couldn't.

"…What?!" Why can't we break out?!" Rayquaza yelled in fear.

**"SHAYMIN!" **Latias screamed.

"Oh uh… I forgot to mention… I reinforced those ropes with parts of the Red Chain."

"WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!" Rayquaza yelled at her.

"To make absolutely sure that the clowns couldn't get out, of course."

"Then cut the ropes! Disable the blade! DO SOMETHING!" Latias screamed again at her.

"I suppose I could… but I love the sound of your screaming too much. I'll just watch this show. Arceus can always create a new Latias and Rayquaza, after all."

"YOU ARE A SICK LITTLE MONSTER, YOU KNOW THAT?!" Rayquaza shouted.

"Again, I try." she smiled.

The two trapped Legendaries continued to stare in fear of the rotating blade. Rayquaza rotated him a bit so he could get in front of the blade.

"Rayquaza, what are you doing?!" Latias yelled in fear.

"If this is a net reinforced with the Red Chain, then the same has to apply to the saw blade! It'll cut part of the ropes, and you can drop down to safety!"

"But what about you?"

"…I just want you to be safe, no matter what happens to me." Rayquaza confessed to her.

Latias smiled. "Oh Ray, that's so sweet. I'd hug you… if we weren't in a death trap."

"Yeah." Rayquaza said. "The blade is getting closer! Get ready to drop down!" Rayquaza shut his eyes, ready for the blade to tear through the ropes and through him so Latias could drop down.

Waiting…

Waiting…

…The blade never came.

Rayquaza opened his eyes, seeing the blade being retracted into the wall. He looked down at Shaymin, who seemed to be furious.

"WHAT?! I didn't disable that! That blade should be tearing through your insides right now! Who…?!"

**"I DID."** said a voice behind Shaymin. All three of them turned around to see who it was.

It was a human, shrouded in mystery. He wore a black cloak, covering his entire appearance. A hand and arm came out of the cloak for a moment. The being waved his hand, and the ropes holding Latias and Rayquaza were instantly cut, sending them to the ground. Looking at the being, Latias could sense a great power emanating from him. She stood up and closed her eyes, analyzing the power.

"You're the author, aren't you?" Latias said, opening her eyes again.

The being nodded. **"YOU ARE VERY WISE, LATIAS."**

"But… what are you doing here? You've never appeared in person before, only through your voice." Rayquaza said, also getting up.

The being nodded again. **"THAT IS TRUE. I USUALLY DO NOT LIKE TO INTERVENE TOO MUCH. HOWEVER, DRASTIC CIRCUMSTANCES FORCED ME TO DO SO THIS TIME."**

Shaymin chuckled nervously as she backed away, with Latias and Rayquaza giving her glares that could pierce even Shaymin's soul… if she had one. "B-But… I'm supposed to be the evil one!"

**"THIS IS ALSO TRUE. I HAVE INTENTIONALLY LET YOU GET AWAY WITH NUMEROUS EVIL DEEDS BECAUSE THEY DID NOT PERMANENTLY HARM LEGENDARIES OR INTERVENE WITH THE STORY AND ADDED ENTERTAINMENT FOR THE READERS. HOWEVER, YOU HAD ABSOLUTELY INTENTIONAL MEANS TO MURDER LATIAS AND RAYQUAZA, WHEN YOU COULD HAVE DISABLED THE TRAP. THIS WOULD BE TOO DARK TO EVEN BE FUNNY, AND WOULD CAUSE IRREVERSIBLE DAMAGE TO THE STORY. FOR ONCE, YOU HAVE ACTUALLY GONE TOO FAR, SHAYMIN."**

"B-B-B-But… w-what are you g-g-going to do to m-m-me?!" she stuttered, absolutely horrified and terrified for once in her entire life.

**"I WILL NOT MURDER YOU. THAT WOULD BE TOO EASY, AND WOULD TEACH YOU NOTHING ABOUT HOW EVEN YOUR EVIL MUST BE LIMITED TO A DEGREE. I WILL TRAP YOU IN A 4****TH****-DIMENSIONAL VORTEX. THIS DIMENSION WILL HOLD YOU. PERMANENTLY. YOU WILL ONLY BE LET OUT WHENEVER I DECIDE, AND YOU WILL BE GONE FOR THE REST OF THIS FANFIC."**

"Did you just make up a '4th-Dimensional Vortex'?" Latias asked.

**"YES. HOWEVER, BECAUSE THIS IS A FANFIC, SUCH A THING IS NOW REAL."**

The being opened up a 4th-Dimensional Vortex, which looked like a swirly purple vortex hovering in the air. The vortex began to exert its' force, sucking up Shaymin from the ground, and only Shaymin.

"WAIT! NO! PLEASE STOP!" Shaymin pleaded in fear. "I'M SORRY! I'LL BE GOOD! PLEASE! NO!"

**"THOSE ARE EMPTY PROMISES." **the being said, with the 4th-Dimensional Vortex beginning to suck up her legs.

"NO! PLEASE! NOOOOO-"

Shaymin was cut off as the 4th-Dimensional Vortex sucked her up, before swiftly vanishing into thin air.

Latias and Rayquaza stared in both fear and respect. "Oh… my… god." they said in awe and sync. Before either of them could say anything else, the cloaked being disappeared in a flash of light. The two were left speechless for a moment, before recovering themselves.

Latias and Rayquaza looked at each other, before hugging. "You know, what you did was really brave, Rayquaza." she said.

He smiled. "Thanks. I'd give up my body and soul to protect you."

The two broke their hug. "Yeah. We've had enough drama. Why don't we just head to our seats and enjoy the show?" Latias suggested.

Rayquaza chuckled. "Fine by me." he said, leaving with her. Still, Latias had no clue that the show had quite an unplanned surprise in store…

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, Lugia had changed his mind from retreating to the airplane and went back to the Cirque de Soleil. The guilt was eating at him, knowing that he was the only one who knew of Kyogre's plans. He sighed, continuing to sneak around the side of the circus to get through the back entrance again. On the way there, he was spotted by Darkrai, still mad about what Rayquaza and Giratina did. He walked over to Lugia. "Have you seen Rayquaza or Giratina?" he asked, with anger in his voice.<p>

Lugia looked in surprise at him. "Uh, no. I actually haven't." he answered honestly. "What's wrong?"

Darkrai sighed. "It's nothing. Forget it. What are you doing anyway, sneaking around the side of the circus?"

Lugia looked at the circus nervously and then back to Darkrai. "Well… you know how Kyogre was turned into a Magikarp by Arceus as punishment, right?"

"Yeah…"

"Well, then the author came to me while I was on the plane with her and Jirachi…"

"Yeah…" Darkrai nodded. "I don't think I like where this is going."

Lugia sighed. "You're not going to. Jirachi was promised a rare action figure and I was promised a record deal by the author if we reversed the effects."

Darkrai resisted the urge to facepalm. "You let the author play you for a fool TWICE?!"

Lugia sighed. "I know. I'm an idiot. But I came back to right my wrong. Kyogre's got a disaster planned to humiliate Mom, and I need to stop her."

Darkrai raised an eyebrow. "Humiliate Mom? Kyogre? Sure, Kyogre can be kind of a bitch sometimes, but she's not that malicious. Usually. It can't be that bad."

Lugia paused for a moment, sighing. "Do you remember a music video that went viral a while back?"

"Which one are we talking about? Loads of music videos go viral these days."

"I'm talking about the Wrecking Ball one. The one with Miley Cyrus."

Darkrai nodded, still not getting it. "And… that means what?"

Lugia groaned in frustration. "It's the one where she swings on a wrecking ball naked and seductively licks a freaking sledgehammer! That one! That's what Kyogre's got planned and that's why I need to stop her!"

Darkrai's eyes widened. "Oh crap. I remember that one now! She's really going to do it?!"

Lugia nodded. "Yes. Hence, why I'm sneaking in backstage. I need to stop her."

Darkrai smirked. "I think you mean WE need to stop her."

Lugia looked at Darkrai in curiosity. "You want to help me?"

"Yeah. If Kyogre is planning to do that just to humiliate Mom, then that's wrong. I want to help you stop her."

Lugia smiled. "Thanks, Darkrai." he said, as the two started to sneak in backstage.

* * *

><p>"So… any plans for the marriage, yet?"<p>

Giratina had found and sat himself next to Arceus. Fortunately, Arceus managed to sneak out earlier to instantly poof herself clean. She was already sitting next to Giratina, with the show soon to begin.

"I'm still planning it out." Arceus answered. "I haven't ever done a marriage before, so I just want everything to be perfect, you know?"

Giratina laughed. "I gotcha. As look as you don't become Bridezilla, I'm OK with anything."

Arceus laughed as well. "Heavens, no. Just because you're the bride doesn't mean you get to turn into a complete and total monster. Gotta feel bad for the groom in those shows. Makes you wonder why on earth they're actually willing to go through that kind of hell."

Giratina nodded. "Yeah. I'm glad you're not like that."

He then turned his head towards the stage. "Hey look! The show is starting!"

* * *

><p>"Now, where exactly is Kyogre?" Darkrai asked, getting inside.<p>

"Just follow me. I'll take you to where she's setting up."

Darkrai did so, slightly suspicious. "How do you know where she is?"

Lugia sighed, stopping for a moment. "I got really angry and upset with the author and Kyogre. Moreso than usual. I was just so frustrated and angry when I was trying to fix the stupid mistake I made that I just… quit. Took a chapter for the guilt to start eating at me, and after I cooled off between the author's updates, I felt a bit better. I'm ready to stop her for real this time."

Darkrai nodded. "All right. I can understand those kinds of feelings. I remember abandoning you guys back in Japan, and I still feel bad over it. But then I went to try and save you. Of course, you guys already escaped…"

"..But it's the thought that counts." Lugia smiled. "Come on, she's right over this way." he said, moving over towards a door.

"…" Darkrai paused for a bit. "Do you think we should go in? She's probably undressed and… you know."

"Doesn't matter now. I just hope she hasn't gotten the sledgehammer yet." Lugia said, trying to turn the doorknob. Unfortunately, it refused to budge.

"Oh great." he grumbled. "It's locked."

"Not a problem." Darkrai smirked. He turned semi-transparent, phasing through the door. Immediately turning around, he unlocked the door and let Lugia in.

"Thanks, Darkrai." Lugia said. "Now we should… oh. Oh dear."

Darkrai turned around to see what Lugia was talking about. "What are you… oh. Oh Lord, have mercy."

Boobies. Boobies and a giant wrecking ball were the first things the two Legendary humans saw, and they really wished they hadn't.

Oh, and Kyogre too.

"Kyogre!" Darkrai yelled.

The nude Kyogre looked over at them, sitting on a giant wrecking ball just posed to crash through the stage when Kyogre cut the rope holding it. "Yes?" she smirked.

"You're nuts. You're freaking nuts if you actually think that doing this is a good idea." Lugia said. "I know you're mad at Mom, but this is ridiculous! Why can't you just talk things out with her like a NORMAL mother and daughter?!"

"Lugia, I don't know if you've noticed, but we're not exactly a normal mother and daughter."

"You know what I mean, Kyogre. Get off."

"No." she refused.

Lugia growled. "I guess reasoning is not going to work. God, I hate myself for letting this happen. Anyway, Darkrai? Let's climb up there so we can get Kyogre off. This area is too cramped for me to turn back into a Pokémon."

"Gotcha." Darkrai said, grabbing a ladder from the side of the room and set it up next to Kyogre. The two started to climb up it. They quickened their pace, but about ¾ up the ladder, Kyogre pulled out something.

"A… pair of scissors?" Darkrai muttered. "…Lugia! Step on it!"

The two started to rocket up the ladder, but it was too late. Kyogre cut the rope supporting the wrecking ball, with gravity starting to play its' part.

"JUMP!" Lugia yelled, with his mind only focused on stopping Kyogre. Without a second thought, he leapt from the ladder to the wrecking ball, attempting to weigh it down. Out of instinct, Darkrai did the same, hoping to also weigh the wrecking ball down before it could burst through the other side. Unfortunately for our heroes, the wrecking ball was about to wreck the show.

* * *

><p>"And now, for the main act of the night, please welcome our grand presentation set to 'Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds'!"<p>

"AAAAAAHHHHHH!" Arceus screamed in joy, with Giratina needing to cover his ears to prevent permanent damage.

"Well, I'm glad you're happy." Giratina smiled.

"This is going to be so-"

CRASH!

The room's joy and wonder was immediately replaced with fear and confusion. It all seemed to happen in slow-motion; the wrecking ball breaking through the side of the stage. As the stage was destroyed, and as the ringmaster, performers, and audience ran with total fear, Arceus was confused beyond belief. That confusion quickly turned into extreme anger and humiliation when she saw who was on the wrecking ball.

It was human Kyogre, with not a single shred of clothing on her body. She had the most disgusting smirk on her face, ecstatic to ruin Arceus's entire trip. Steam visibly started to emit from Arceus as she also glowed a furious red, causing Giratina to back away slowly. And by 'back away slowly', I mean 'ran for his life towards the airplane, and never looked back'. Even the normally cheery and unfazeable Mew ran out in fear with Giratina.

Half way out of the building, Giratina halted out of fear and shock when:

**"KYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGGGGGGGRRRRRRREEEEEE!"**

Giratina's and Mew's eyes widened in complete fear. Panicked, Mew grabbed onto Giratina and instantly teleported.

The two re-appeared in the airplane, with Mew still tightly clutching Giratina's leg and crying a bit.

_"Wow. I can't ever recall a time when Mew was ever this scared." _Giratina thought to himself. Smiling, he knelt down to meet Mew at head level, and hugged her back.

"It's OK, Mew. Don't worry about it. Everything's going to be OK." Giratina assured Mew.

Honestly, Giratina was only half-confident in his answer. He was certain that he and Mew were going to be OK, but he legitimately feared for what cruel punishment Arceus would surely give Kyogre. Giratina even felt a bit sorry for Kyogre.

"We can only wait and see what happens now."

Not even a second after Giratina finished his sentence, everyone else suddenly rematerialized in the airplane (except for Shaymin, of course).

Jirachi looked around in confusion. "What's… going on?"

Everyone looked at Arceus in fear, still glowing steaming red and still incredibly furious. Arceus's eyes were only on the still nude Kyogre, with even Kyogre herself now cowering in the corner of the airplane.

**"YOU MORON! YOU IDIOT! YOU DUMBASS! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!"**

Everyone immediately recoiled in horror from Arceus's furious voice. Mew clutched tighter onto Giratina, with Jirachi and even the normally confident Latias holding Rayquaza's arms tightly in fear.

**"WHY?! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?! YOU DEGRADED YOURSELF! YOU DEGRADED ME! YOU HUMILIATED ME! DO YOU TRULY HATE ME THAT MUCH?! TO GO THAT FAR?!"**

Arceus's eyes were even soaked in tears as she ranted, now both furious and incredibly heartbroken. And as Arceus cried, believe it or not, an extreme sense of guilt took over Kyogre. Her heart weighed ten thousand pounds right now, and she could barely even get herself to stand up. Arceus levitated a new pair of clothes towards Kyogre.

"…Please get dressed." Arceus now spoke calmly, her head hanging down. Without even having the willpower to look at her mother anymore, Kyogre took the clothes and left to get changed.

Arceus turned to the rest of the Legendaries. "We're going home."

With those words, the airplane itself instantly disappeared in a burst of light.

* * *

><p><em>Pokémon © Nintendo  Game Freak_

Well, here's the next chapter, after a 4-month delay. I'm not pleased with myself, but it's still better than the 5-month delay last time, so there's some improvement at least.

To be honest guys, I've had a lot of personal, family drama going on. And it's been going on for the past few months, and it was seriously impacting me. Due to how severe it was, my desire for writing pretty much just vanished. But now finally, FINALLY, things have settled down. All of the drama started around early May, and it was just a MISERABLE two months until around mid-July, where things FINALLY started to go back to normal.

Anyway, I'm sorry for ranting on. I just wanted to explain why it took so long to update. Also, the last chapter will be the FINAL chapter. It will detail what will happened when they go back home, and what will go down there. I've loved what I've written of the series, but I feel it's time for it to be concluded. I'll do my best to make this story go out with a bang.

Thank you, readers.

AuraWielder


	23. Finale

Pokémon World Tour

Chapter 23: The Grand Finale

* * *

><p>Dialga had taken charge of things in the Hall of Origin ever since Arceus and company left. Four new Legendaries: Xerneas, Yveltal, Zygarde, and Diancie even arrived during their trip, resulting in Dialga having to take on Arceus's role of introducing them to the Hall of Origin. She still hadn't decided on their roles to play, so the four simply hung around until Arceus was to come back. The four new Legendaries took this time to introduce themselves to the others.<p>

Diancie found herself talking with Celebi and Victini, two of the 'cute' Legendaries that didn't embark on the trip. All three of them were in Celebi's garden, chatting away.

"So, you take care of this garden all by yourself, Celebi? It's beautiful." Diancie remarked.

Celebi blushed a little bit. "Thank you. Yes I do, but I don't mind. I enjoy nature and all of its' wonders."

Meanwhile, Victini was hovering around the garden himself. He was about to puck a beautiful looking flower until Celebi scolded him.

"Touch anything in this garden Victini, and I will kill you."

Victini's face turned pale, backing away from the flowers. "S-Sorry…"

Diancie was curious. "Why are you so strict on him? He just wanted a flower."

Celebi sighed. "You have to understand, I'm very… wary of Fire-types coming into my garden. He accidentally set the whole garden on fire once, and I was… very, very angry about that. It was an accident, but it left a sour impression on…"

Suddenly, the smoke detector went off, with Victini accidentally creating a small fire from picking up a couple of flowers. Celebi turned to face Victini.

"Victini! What the hell did I just tell you?!" she shouted angrily, activating the emergency sprinkler system to both drench Victini and put out the fire. Celebi glared at Victini with malice, while Diancie decided to back off.

"Uhh… I think I'll just… take my leave now." Diancie muttered, dashing out of the room and not wanting to stick around for Celebi's inevitable eruption at Victini.

* * *

><p>Xerneas majestically walked around the Hall of Origin. He was genuinely curious to see what the residents were like, since this was his first visit. Eventually, he bumped into the door to Groudon's room, which had a big, fat 'no women allowed' sign on his door. Rolling his eyes, he knocked on the door, still curious about this room's resident.<p>

Groudon opened the door to see Xerneas. "Can't you read the sign? No women allowed in here. Have a nice day."

And then he slammed the door in his face. Xerneas was not amused. He knocked on the door again, which Groudon opened again.

"Didn't I just say-"

"Allow me to speak." Xerneas spoke, his voice unmistakably masculine.

"Oh. OH. Uh, err… sorry about that. I thought you were a girl."

"…Uh-huh." Xerneas deadpanned, not impressed.

"Uh… well, anyway. Why don't I show you around my room? I'm… big on woodwork and craftsmanship in that area." Groudon grinned, showing up a wooden replica of the artwork of Groudon's own Primal Form.

"You know, I kinda love this whole 'Ruby/Sapphire' remake thing coming out. Really reboots your popularity. Ho-Oh and Lugia can attest to that." he said.

"I must admit, it is rather impressive." Xerneas admitted. "So, where are they anyway?"

"Well, I'm never really sure about where Ho-Oh is. I usually don't care. And Lugia left for some 'world tour' thing a while back, before you new guys arrived. I'm still pissed off that I didn't get to go and yet Kyogre did. Stupid bitch…"

Xerneas shrugged and laughed. "You never know. You might be glad you didn't get to go."

"What makes you say that? I would've loved to see places like Paris, London, Japan, and all that kind of stuff."

Xerneas chuckled. "Oh, trust me. You never know how downhill something like that can go."

Groudon was about to rebuke, until he remembered his cameo appearance from earlier. "…Good point. Oh, by the way, Yveltal was looking for you. He stopped by earlier."

Xerneas looked nervous. "He… he was?"

"Yeah, he was super mad. Don't know why, though. And he seemed even angrier after he visited."

Xerneas sighed. "Groudon, what did you do?"

"I only called him Bacon Wings when he came over earlier. I mean, I was just kidding, but he seemed to take it really personally. When he left, he looked like he was about to blow up."

Xerneas groaned. "Why did you do that? Why? Nothing makes him angrier than that joke. And being the Destruction Pokémon, he kinda has a short temper."

"Sorry." Groudon shrugged. "I didn't know that."

Xerneas sighed again. With that, he left to go find Yveltal before the Destruction Pokémon did something… destructive.

* * *

><p>Yveltal found himself simply lying down in a bedroom somewhere in the Hall of Origin. This one happened to be Ho-Oh's, who was out right now. He was pretty angry as his day hadn't been going so well. It all started when that Lysandre freak try to sap his power to use it to power up a world-ending device. At least that failed, but the trainer who captured him named him 'Bacon Wings'. So it was Bacon Wings, use Fly! Bacon Wings, use Oblivion Wing! Bacon Wings, use Sucker Punch!<p>

And then he lost his favorite keysake. It was one Xerneas gave to him a millennia earlier when he was young and had trouble sleeping at night. It was only a stupid and plain green teddy bear, but the sentimental value of it was priceless to him. That was the cherry on top of the icing known as 'Bacon Wings'. He was convinced that his trainer's Greninja stole it, but he could never prove it to him. All while that stupid, asshole Greninja taunted him about it. And called him Bacon Wings.

Bacon Wings. Bacon Wings. Bacon Wings. Hated that nickname with a passion. At least his trainer released him when he somehow got another Yveltal with 'better IVs and nature'. He didn't know how exactly that was possible, or what 'IVs' and 'nature' even were, but he was just glad to not be called Bacon Wings anymore.

And he still missed his teddy.

"Hey Bacon Wings. What are you doing in my room?"

Yveltal's hair trigger temper snapped, hitting the speaker with a Sucker Punch. "DO. NOT. CALL. ME. BACON. WINGS. SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!"

The speaker groaned before getting up. It turned out to be Ho-Oh, now injured from the hit. "Thanks a lot, Bacon Wings. I just went to the spa."

Another hit. Yveltal was at the peak of his anger now.

"Ow! The hell was that for!"

Xerneas came running into Ho-Oh's room, finding Yveltal by tracing his aura. "Ho-Oh!" he alerted.

She groaned. "What is it, Antlers?"

Unlike Yveltal, Xerneas had a very low temper. He could excuse that. "Ignoring the derogatory nickname, I would advise that you don't called Yveltal… well, you know what."

Ho-Oh rolled her eyes. "And why not? He's in my room without any permission whatsoever!"

"Ho-Oh, please understand. He's had a really rough time recently, so he's just trying to cool off. The nicknames aren't helping." Xerneas explained.

Yveltal sighed. "Look… sorry for hitting you. I just… really hate that nickname. A lot of bad memories come from it. I do have something of a temper, so I'm sorry for hitting you. Just… please don't call me that."

Xerneas smiled. "There. Now I think we can all forgive one another and learn from…"

"No! It's my room! Bacon Wings! Bacon Wings! Bacon Wings! Bacon Wings! Bacon Wings!"

Yveltal's temper flared back up.

"…Oh no." Xerneas said in fear.

* * *

><p>Almost as soon as the airplane teleported away, it instantly re-appeared just behind the Hall of Origin. All of its' occupants, barring Shaymin who was still trapped in the 4th dimension, came out.<p>

"Well, that was a nice trip… mostly." Arceus muttered.

"I'm just happy to finally be home." Darkrai sighed. "I've had more than enough of world-travelling and torture for the next century."

"Of course." Giratina said, his suit finally off. "Because home is where the heart is."

"At least this fanfic is over…" Arceus sighed in relief.

"…So, we're leaving Shaymin stuck in the 4th dimension?" Giratina wondered.

"You bet as hell we are." Arceus said.

" Uhh…The Hall of Origin is on fire." Lugia muttered.

"…What?" Arceus said.

"Just… turn around."

Arceus did. The whole place was up in flames. "Why? Why me? Why me? It. Never. Ends."

* * *

><p><em>Pokémon © Nintendo  Game Freak_

At long last, this fic has finally ended. I thought it was a fitting note to end on one final bit of chaos in this chaos-filled fic. Thank you to those of you who have stuck behind me for all of this time. I appreciate your readership and patience throughout this whole thing. And I'll still have more fics to deliver soon. I hope you've enjoyed this wild ride.

AuraWielder


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